Hi,
(I just realized I never read comments to my older series of dreams, sorry guys, will go read now - life happened...!)
I dreamt of meeting a man, very specific face; general traits that I recognize in many of my exes, but an entirely new face to me, very characteristic. And in 'close up', in the dream, that's why I believe it is a message and a meeting, it was so 'in my face'.
Anyway, I don't remember how we came to talk to start with, we didn't know eachother. Or how we came to talk of a relationship...!
I think he just asked, like asking for my hand in marriage, but it was not awkward or unthinkable at all, in the dream. He asked if we should be together (romantically and committed, more marriage than anything else).
But he included a condition: He wanted a relation with someone who did not bring drama or ... [I belive it was "control" or "confrontation"].
My instinct was: "No, I can't promise that."
I've had massive control issues and I've not yet experienced a relationship after awakening. I don't know if it has healed my fear and jealousy. I cannot promise that it will not be a learning curve for me.
I started saying something like that - but my words were 'absorbed'. Like sound can disappear in a sound reducing environment. It simply didn't go anywhere, my message.
And then I changed my thought, I thougt it true; "Today I am a person without drama / jealousy". It is what I spend my entire person on, to live with life, in flow, with people, in trust and faith and honesty, no manipulation, suspicion.
He asked respectfully and with warmth: "Is that a 'yes'?"
I said, very safe and confident: "Yes."
We kissed; it felt indisputable. An unknown, but kind qne careful kiss. A very considerate and warm first kiss by all accounts, not sexual, but with a confident 'promise' of attraction, mild and present.
I woke up.
With turmoil, what had I done?!: "Said yes despite knowing better... Said yes to someone who put conditions on me like that... Kissed minutes after first meet. Accepted a relationship based on what?!"
So help out; Who was he? (symbolically) What the h-ll was the message?
The emotional turmoil is definitely from the mixed messages;
The demanding character - being kind and considerate.
My attempt to state my truth and hold my ground - claiming boundaries -being thwarted by existance itself.
My confidence and trust - in taking an action that defies everything I've tried to learn. (To get to know someone properly as a friend, before considering dating, dating for a while before being physical at all, not date someone who I am not compatible with and definitely not someone who cannot accept my flaws or that I make mistakes).
And not the least the deep felt, spiritual sense that this was safe and right (in the kiss) - after all the 'wrongs'.
Phew, this is really uncomfortable for me. I just feel certain that I am in fact not at all ready for any kind of romance yet, dispite the work I've put in and the power and grace I've gained in the past few months...
Thinking further; what if I had had my wings on/out at the time? [Read angel/higher self/guides/divine spirit] What would that have done with my sense of self in that scenario?
Firstly, the question would make a lot more sense. We're all knowing, it is quite possible to know what allegiances we want to engage in.
Secondly, his demand would be a sign of his need to grow more, not relate to me at all.
Thirdly, my attemt to answer as an insecure human, would have been nonsensical - and quite possibly be instantly cencored
So, as an angel it makes more sense, two divine beings communicating rather non-sentimentally, but with plenty of commitment, earnest-ness and warmth.
It still brings fear to me though; I am human too. I am not only divine and built of light and endless power; I a very flawed and insecure human too, who needs to learn to trust and give my power away, too, not only to always carry myself and stand in my own power always. I need that space, it may not be 'edited away' just because...
Yeah... because what??
Sorry, for the long rant. I guess I found some answers just writing this.
If anyone relates or has any ideas as to what this might be about, please feel welcome to respond.
Linear Mode
