before the world

[michaelj1981]

So i have had a memory and it was before my first incarnation in this world.

I came into existence in a place that was of pure light and was infinite. There was no world, there was no universe but pure light. When i came into existence there was a stairway and a door that was all. The first thought i remember having is I AM then I am aware I exist. I remember sitting there all alone and then i thought of eternity as a day. Then i remember a man came out behind the door and i was trying to understand who he was, then as moments went by i had the concept of father. My body wasn't like here, I had a form, but the form couldn't feel, never slept, never ate, didn't even have those ideas or needs nor desires. Time wasn't even a concept there was no night nor day, there was no bad even no concept of that either. To me it was my bliss. One moment my father came out and the first time i ever saw darkness i was scared cuz i didn't know and my father brought me down to the end of the stairs and had me raise my hand with him. The this vast ocean of nothingness exploded like a firework but it was like a atomic . It was the most amazing thing i have ever seen to date. Then he brought me back up to the stairs where is at some more by the time we went to the top of the stairs it was light again. Waiting alone in this vast light. Then out of no where this world appeared and had no idea it was. I remember knockin on the door telling my father that it was there. Then He went into the world and came back out. Then he brought out this boy who sat with me, who i remember was so friendly he had these jewels on him i sat on the right he sat on my left. I asked him to let me try them on i remember admiring them, then i thought do i get something as my father stood there by the door. then my father went behind the door again, WHICH i was never able to go, i always wonder what was beyond it. Anyways. The boy wanted to sit where i was sitting so i remember sitting on the left and he sat on the right. Till my father came out and told us to get back in our spots. Then he went back behind the door. I remember the boy came into the world that we were told not go to into. he tried to get me to go with him and i told him now, My connection to my fathers request were strong lol. Anyways awhile later my father came out and the boy was in the world. my father came and got him. never saw the boy again. I wanted to go into the world so bad to c it. Then i started getting concepts and ideas from the world. there was a couple times where a couple people came up to see my father. One man even came up and i had the concept of uncle. but when came up he kneed before me like anyone but my father did. I remember sitting dangling my feet on the bottom stairs into the world wishing to come in. I kept asking my father to let me he kept saying no now isn't the moment. I remember he doing that a couple times, then one time he came out of the world and he was upset that the people were not being good. I felt his heart ach and hurt me . Fiirst we never spoke we talked thru thought and emotions. ANyways he went back behind the door and i sat there dangling my feet debating should i go in the world and tell them to be good cuz my father is hurting. But i didn't then i saw this man appear floating on nothing close to me telling me to come down and he will show me the world. I said no my father wouldn't let me and i would have to ask him and i went up and asked again. he said now isn't the moment. I went back and that man kept tempting me to do it and i kept saying no. Then a concept came i can go and intrudce myself and tell them to be good and come back and he would never now and i am still danging my feet then i remember being born. I dont remember coming into the world by jumping cuz i was afraid of heights. Then i was born in this world so i would love it if someone helped me understand what this is what this means . nor who i am. This isn't a joke, nor am i claiming to be something great nor small. I just am who i am thats how i always felt.

perhaps this is your first incarnation. you are not lost, you wanted to be here. you waited with limited obedience to be here. you wanted to spread the action of morality. how lucky for you to know your purpose.

i too remember the time before i was born. i walked through darkness, a doorway, towards a light to my right which told me i was going to be born. i did not want to be born knowing how negative it is. i saw myself in my moms womb (like a photograph) and i jumped down into her. i was born afraid.

[michaelj1981]

as far as i know it is. But I've always tried to understand Where was i, why can't i go back, who am i and what am i. I wasn't born, before, i just came into being. So any ideas to what it means. sometimes i think i focas on who, what , where then not accept it as it is, There was no meaning, there is no who, no what, no where. Or i can call it what i want, be who i want, all though in this world i've always been pulled in a direction of greater understanding. One thing is before i came in this world i would get knowledge and no clue where it came from just came, and in this world i get that to at times. However i think its kinda clouded by all the concepts and ideas idk lol


however what i forgot to add was, when i asked to see the world and what was in it, i said i wouldn't do nothing just see. I think this prevents me from doing anything cuz its my core self will. But at the same time i want to play lol the world is my playground and im dying to go play. But instead of i feel grounded for not listening . lol

The sea of memory holds no meaning, no who, no what and where beyond that which you reflect in it. It is like an image, in itself it holds nothing but images yet when looked upon one reflects oneself in it, one's thoughts, one's emotions and so. In some theories I have we are nothing more than a thought reflecting ourselves in the sea of memory and it is that reflection that brings meaning, form and substance to our reality. Your memory above might be the start where there was no separation between your thought and memory, before you started to reflect on your own existence. Does that make sense.

in my own perceptions(and some others) and writing, the cherubim angles are the ones who guard the word of god inside the white light. watchers are the ones who watch over the world. grigori are watchers who decided to go against gods will and be born into the world at their own will instead of gods appointed time.

now do not take this as fact, it is only stuff i have researched and wrote about myself.

forgive yourself for not obeying and move on with your purpose. easier said than done i know, but it is a step that will help you.

[michaelj1981]

Thats the weired part cuz I dont fully fully remember coming in against his wishes or with. I just remember sitting there and for me to see the world I had to jump off the stairs and I know I couldn't cuz I was always afraid of heights. I do remember that he came down one time as I was was dangling my feet and we were talking then being into being in this this world.

i wonder where your fear of heights came from?

so if you dont remember going against his will, perhaps you did not. nothing to worry about, even if you did.

did you remember what he looked like?

[michaelj1981]

No I dont remember what he looked like. Two things I hqd a fear of was the darkness cuz I didn't understand it and heights. However when I was walking down the stairs he told me not to be afraid then I saw this big bang and that went on for awhilr. It was was awesome. Plus idk why I would say I wouldnt do anything I am now wondering what is my potential what wrey limita hence im doing inward searching.