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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 22-11-2017, 07:24 AM
rajeshny2003 rajeshny2003 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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Post Same Sex Twin Flame?

Hi All,
Got to know about this website yesterday and I am hooked. Sorry this will be bit long post. I apologize but I think it’s necessary for me to express my feelings and what I am going through.

Looking for some advice here without people being judgmental about me. I am a 42 years old Indian origin guy settled here in Tokyo, Japan.
When I was growing up in India in the 80s,90s it was a very conservative society. Being gay or bi was not even discussed among close friends.
I had sex (not the penetration type) with one of my closest friend few times . That was my only Gay experience. Then I moved to Tokyo for my job when I was 26. ( I was not married at that time). After 2 years (when I was 28) I got married (in India) and we started to live here. Everything was fine.
I was attracted to guys but it was not that overwhelming , so I never acted on those feelings. I did not feel any emotional connection with the guys I met so far. I went to a newly opened Gay Bar in Tokyo just out of curiosity. During the short time I was there I met a Japanese guy. Normally I never exchange my contact details, but there was something with this guy that I don't know why we exchanged contact details. And that short encounter changed my life forever. Immediately after that day I was going on a business trip abroad. While I was abroad I used feel lonely
and started chatting with this guy.(Looking back it was on 1/11 Jan 11th).
May I add that this guy does not understand English at all so I was forced to use Japanese as medium of communication. I use Japanese in my professional communication but never used it in a close personal relationship (as I did not have any close relationship with any Japanese person till that point of that).So once I was back in Tokyo we met in a Love hotel and had fun. The attraction between us was electric and somehow I felt it was mutual else he will not agree to meet me after first time. While we were parting that day he asked me if I was interested in having dinner with him some day. I said yes and we fixed dinner an upscale restaurant. While chatting with him in Line(messenger app) , I came to know about his job and understood that he is in the lowest wage category in Japan. I work in Finance and get paid really well compared to average Japanese salary. Anyway we had dinner and when I wanted to pay for both of us , he insisted on paying for both. This was quite unlike standard Japanese behavior. Normally Japanese people will divide the bill among themselves to the 1 yen change. I knew the bill he paid is almost 2 days of his salary. But he refused to accept money from me. So after dinner , I invited him to go for a drive in my Car. While in the Car he asked if he can hold my hands.
Nobody even my wife ever hold my hand (it’s quite natural in Indian culture)I was really moved by his actions. While parting for the day , he even kissed me goodbye inside the Car. Somehow I felt this was too good to be true. At the same time I assumed may be God has listened to my prayers and sent me a companion with whom I can share my feelings.
After that I invited him for dinner and this continued for 3/4 months. Normally I will invite for dinner/hot spring and I paid for both of us all the time. (as I knew about his financial condition). Though our language was not common and sometime we had difficulty communicating I made all the effort translating in Japanese and made him understand my feelings. (at least I assumed I did).I also told him that if he has any trouble with me to tell me frankly and I will never mind. Normally Japanese people never express their true feelings so I emphasized it few times. Seemed he understood that point. We talked about everything , how he broke up with his previous boyfriends, how he was molested by old guy in train when he was in school (he told that’s how he realized he was gay). He also knew from Day 1 that I was married and I have a kid as well. He told he felt anxious about that but understood my constraints. So we became really close. Every day we texted few times and we wished each other good night every day. When I look back those 4 months . those were best days in my life , feeling someone was close to you. As if it was home. In between he was hospitalized for 3/4 days and I used to visit him in the hospital after my work. Whenever I went abroad on business trip got a lot of gifts from him. I always tried to motivate him and tried to give him the feeling that I really like him. Once while wishing me Good Night , he also told me "I love you". (In Japanese , there several confusing terms while confessing love for someone, but he chose to use a very direct term. So I was not at all confused at all , this was exactly what he meant. I did not reply that night as I wanted to first make sure something is not lost in the translation. When I was 100% sure that it's exactly what he meant , I also confessed my love for him.)
After that everything was fine. I never felt a moment of awkwardness or uneasiness from his part when we were together. But he always had negative outlook for everything in life . That’s quite normal for young Japanese guys , so I never paid a lot of attention to it. But I tried to motivate him as much as possible. I also told if he starts his own business I will provide the funding. But he just wanted to continue this 14 hours job which does not pay anything. He thought he was not qualified for any other jobs. Anyway so at the end of April we were going to a hot spring. As I could not enter the Japanese Kanji characters in the Car navigation , I told him to enter it. He entered some wrong characters which even I as a foreigner and student of Japanese language could make out. So I jokingly told him that as a Japanese you should not make these small mistakes. It was an innocent joke which I made and forgot about. So after the hot spring as he was joining a new Job we went to a shopping mall and I bought couple of shirts for him. He tried those shirts and accepted my gift. I dropped him back couple of blocks from him home and we wished each other good night and kissed good bye. That was the last time I saw him.
After that we continued texting like normal. Then out of blue on a Saturday morning he was not replying my text for 6/8 hours which was quite abnormal. So I asked him in the evening what was the matter. He replied back saying that he is fed up with this “tiring” communication (which he was himself initiating till the previous day) and he does not want to see me anymore. To say that I was shocked will be an understatement. Anyway I called him but he refused to take the call. So I just cried myself to sleep on that Saturday. My wife knew something was wrong with me. She asked me as well. I just replied that my Grand Mother's memory is haunting me (she was very close to me and passed away a year back). On Sunday morning I realized that I know where he works and I know where he stays. (It seems this kind of break off is quite normal among Japanese people - the other person just supposed to "get" the message. I was not aware of this cultural nuisance). Anyway I shoot texts saying that I know where he stays and where he works and he has deceived me for financial gains and I am going to talk with his family and his company. ( Though in my wildest dream I will never do that and I am ashamed now I said that). As expected , honor is something a Japanese will not like to lose in his death also , so he called me back immediately saying that “sorry I broke your heart but I did not do any damage to your family and job”, so he requested me not do these things. I asked him the reason the reason why he is suddenly breaking it off . He replied saying that our cultures are different (was different from day 1) and he did not like my joke when he did mistake in entering the address. To me it was just a stupid joke and even if I made a mistake it cannot supersede my feelings for him which he is aware of. But it was a losing battle. Seemed he just switched his rational thinking/feelings/empathy switch off. On that day he also told me that he is taking medicines for mental issues. Frankly till that day I did not find any signs of any mental issues in him (apart from the constant negative thinking).
This was six months back and I almost lost my mental balance over it. I went to Hypnosis sessions (cord cutting), psychological counseling. I feel good for couple of days and it starts all over again. As I am actually very strong mentally and this never happened with me before I tried to research what is happening to me and then I came across the twin flame concept. Now I could connect all the dots. I even did a Akashic Record reading to confirm that he was my twin flame. But I do know answer is within me. I asked the Universe to show me the numbers "777" within one day and within 1 hour I got the confirmation signs . I know my reaction to him breaking up was that of ego and anger and resentment. But at that time I was really heart broken and did not understand how to react to this "betrayal".(if we can call that)
I feel really sad and cry all the time. He is in my mind and prayers all the time. I am meditating and asking for my sprits and guides to heal me and him. He stopped responding to my texts so we do not communicate at all.
I send him my love when I meditate and pray every day. I have lost all interest in all the worldly matters but have grown spiritually immensely.
Sometimes I am really convinced he is my twin flame ,the synchronicities , the sudden running away, the age/culture/language gap all fits the template. But then at other times I just feel that guy is just cruel. He just suddenly lost interest. Japanese people does not like any type of confrontation so he will never going explain me to the reason. So he just invented a stupid reason.
So I just swing between these two feelings and don't know to believe my heart or the logic. One thing I know that this was a soul contract that I had to go through this experience to Break down all ego and learn how to love unconditionally (no matter what he did to me).
I am just praying God to show me a way a soon. Hopefully HE will. Kindly pray for me.
May God bless you.
(This is my first post , so kindly forgive me for any mistakes in my post). But I am really happy to connect with fellow twin flames. Nobody else understands what I am going through and think I am crazy.
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  #2  
Old 22-11-2017, 03:26 PM
unicorn68 unicorn68 is offline
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https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017...nship-to-work/
this might help.i feel your pain.you have no choice but to set him free though.it almost sounds like there may be some cultural issues he needs to work on....
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  #3  
Old 22-11-2017, 06:10 PM
LunaBlue LunaBlue is offline
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It's hard to improve on Uni's tacit response so all I will say is ::: Twin Flame is possible is not a fairytale dream or some outlandish theory.

Conservative and intellectual people can be brought to belief when reunited / joined with their TRUE twin. It's a sort of magic that happens magic being the only way to express something indescribable.

After union you are a unit but still separate and you carry in your Twin union the means to bless and heal and show unconditional love and still have so much more inside of you to give to others. TWIN FLAME IS NOT ABOUT YOURSELF. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOUR FEELING FOR YOUR TWIN. It is about giving to others forever and after.

Twin Flame is not a love story. It is not a sexual feeling. It is a soul story. A soul love. A gift and a blessing that MUST be shared with others for it to thrive at its fullest.

I am a twin in 5D and can attest to this.
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  #4  
Old 22-11-2017, 06:11 PM
LunaBlue LunaBlue is offline
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Posts: 138
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LunaBlue
It's hard to improve on Uni's tacit response so all I will say is ::: Twin Flame is possible is not a fairytale dream or some outlandish theory.

Conservative and intellectual people can be brought to belief when reunited / joined with their TRUE twin. It's a sort of magic that happens magic being the only way to express something indescribable.

After union you are a unit but still separate and you carry in your Twin union the means to bless and heal and show unconditional love and still have so much more inside of you to give to others. TWIN FLAME IS NOT ABOUT YOURSELF. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOUR FEELING FOR YOUR TWIN. It is about giving to others forever and after.

Twin Flame is not a love story. It is not a sexual feeling. It is a soul story. A soul love. A gift and a blessing that MUST be shared with others for it to thrive at its fullest.

I am a twin in 5D and can attest to this.

The power of 1:11 be with u
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  #5  
Old 22-11-2017, 10:32 PM
Lorelyen
Posts: n/a
 
それわいけませんね

Just plain sorrowing, a story like this. Little I can say as I’m not a twin flame nor am I into same sex. However, It isn’t difficult to imagine what a blow this must have been. I live in Britain’s “gay capital” and I’ve heard this happening a few times, someone marginally bi but in a settled hetero- relationship is suddenly awestruck by someone of the same sex. I know how deeply it can affect someone.

I dare say culture comes into this. What I know of Japanese people is that they are generally very polite to non-Japanese but live by a quite tight social code. The several levels of politeness are contained in variations of common words and how you address people. Even something like "What are you going to do?" comes in two levels of politeness.

You’ll already be aware of this but I remark on it for others here who may not understand the degree of punctilio that’s observed in Japan. Like it would be very bad form to call someone by their given name until you know them extremely well, rather than their “surname” (family name).

However, I believe that you cannot have a one-sided twin flame. If he no longer bothers to respond at all then he’s unlikely to be your twin – remotely possible: he may come back on the scene but truly, what future do you see in a relationship with him? You’re obviously afflicted by a deep love but would you give up your marriage? Would you be happy for him to just be a friend? Could you truly trust him again? Do you think he’d surrender to an eternal spiritual marriage with you (which is what twin flame seems to be about)?

However, I believe you’re right to come to your conclusion – “But then at other times I just feel that guy is just cruel. He just suddenly lost interest. Japanese people does not like any type of confrontation so he will never going explain me to the reason. So he just invented a stupid reason.”
I honestly believe that time will be the main healer. Have you thought of writing out your feelings? It can be a very good therapy. (What you've written here is a start.)

You'll always cherish the memory but you have to look for any distraction or therapy to move forward.

I understand about Japanese people don’t like confrontation. Crikey, they don’t even have a simple way of saying “No thank you.” .In the same vein, I hope I haven't offended you or worsened your upset. Absolutely no offence intended.

Are you living in Japan now?

Anyway, I wish you all for your recovery and resolution, peace and light.
.
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  #6  
Old 22-11-2017, 11:43 PM
rajeshny2003 rajeshny2003 is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 5
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
それわいけませんね

However, I believe that you cannot have a one-sided twin flame. If he no longer bothers to respond at all then he’s unlikely to be your twin – remotely possible: he may come back on the scene but truly, what future do you see in a relationship with him? You’re obviously afflicted by a deep love but would you give up your marriage? Would you be happy for him to just be a friend? Could you truly trust him again? Do you think he’d surrender to an eternal spiritual marriage with you (which is what twin flame seems to be about)?


Are you living in Japan now?

Anyway, I wish you all for your recovery and resolution, peace and light.
.

ありがと御座いました。Many Thanks for all your responces and means a lot to me.
Yes I am settled in Tokyo. Regarding "one sided twin flame", I don't believe twin flame can ever be one sided. I did the feel real intensity and love he had for me when he was with me. It was sheer bliss. Something must have happened. The best guess I have is twin flame relationships are really intense. He could not take this intensity and he thought he was losing himself. He also knew I am very happily married with kid and told him few times I have a very happy family. One thing is that he lives with brother and mother. His brother was married with 2 small kids. But his wife left him for another guy, leaving him to take care of 2 small kids all my himself. So he has seen first hand how a family was broken apart. So he does not want that happening to me. He withdrew not because he does not have love but because he has too much love.
Sometime when I am not really thinking about him like watching TV or in a meeting in work suddenly a wave of deep sadness strikes me. Though I knew about telepathy I never experienced it. But I think these are his feelings I am picking up.
Regarding writing journal , I do write it.(like what I want to say to him) and then delete it. I do have immense faith in GOD. So though I don't know what is the plan , there is a PLAN.
Thanks
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  #7  
Old 22-11-2017, 11:45 PM
unicorn68 unicorn68 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rajeshny2003
ありがと御座いました。Many Thanks for all your responces and means a lot to me.
Yes I am settled in Tokyo. Regarding "one sided twin flame", I don't believe twin flame can ever be one sided. I did the feel real intensity and love he had for me when he was with me. It was sheer bliss. Something must have happened. The best guess I have is twin flame relationships are really intense. He could not take this intensity and he thought he was losing himself. He also knew I am very happily married with kid and told him few times I have a very happy family. One thing is that he lives with brother and mother. His brother was married with 2 small kids. But his wife left him for another guy, leaving him to take care of 2 small kids all my himself. So he has seen first hand how a family was broken apart. So he does not want that happening to me. He withdrew not because he does not have love but because he has too much love.
Sometime when I am not really thinking about him like watching TV or in a meeting in work suddenly a wave of deep sadness strikes me. Though I knew about telepathy I never experienced it. But I think these are his feelings I am picking up.
Regarding writing journal , I do write it.(like what I want to say to him) and then delete it. I do have immense faith in GOD. So though I don't know what is the plan , there is a PLAN.
Thanks
she will guide you to your destiny have no doubt.....
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