I will try my best. I think when human beings are infants, we don't have a conceptual sense of self because our brains have not developed the cognitive abilities and the synaptic connections to formulate thoughts. As we grow older our thinking process begins to mature and we begin to develop a conceptual sense of self. Thoughts and belief systems begins to occur such as "I am a boy" or "I am a girl" or "I am French" or "I am Christian" or "I am South African" or "I am Caucasian" or "I am spiritual" or "I am an atheist" or "I am a monastic" etc. etc. depending on our cultural conditioning, life experiences, and upbringing. Along with our physical aptitude and bodies, we begin to formulate a sense of self identity and profile of how we choose to see ourselves and our individual and unique identity.
I think the spiritual process that I continue to experience is a deconstruction of the conceptual self that I was identified with. One in particularly is the deconstructing of spiritual concepts and philosophies as well. That one was the most challenging because there are heavy attachments that I had placed on my spiritual beliefs and practices and I ruminated on a spiritual identity for many years spinning around in circles.
However, recently, there has been a change and the "spiritual" identity with all its thoughts, ideas, and system of beliefs becoming incredibly small and light as I became more and more aware of the SELF that exists beyond the thinking mind and its processes. I use SELF in capitalized letters to differentiate from what I had described as the temporal and finite conceptual sense of self.
But because of my Christian upbringing and also exposure to other religious literature, the words that I can use to describe this SELF is simply God or Buddha Nature. Of course I realize that those words are heavily loaded with ideological triggers because we all have our own unique relation and experiences attached to them. I think perhaps that is why spiritual literature is often times filled with parables, poetry, and metaphors. They point to the SELF in a unique and spiritual language that can be understood by those with an open heart and an innocent supple mind. The poetry of Rumi comes to mind whenever I think of the beautiful way he expresses this SELF. If only I should be so eloquent and prolific!
I had heard that in some Buddhist practice that practitioners are encouraged to investigate the SELF by using negation. What that means is that they would meditate on what SELF isn't instead of trying to capture what it is. But I digress, I can most probably go on and on. But with all that being said, I will now attempt to capture the Butterfly in my net of words in as simple and logical of a fashion that I can:
The ONE SELF I am referring to as experienced and understood at this moment is akin to a Primordial Universal Consciousness and Spaciousness that binds all things together. It is the Emptiness in which all things arise. It is also inseparable from all things and resides in all things. It can sometimes paradoxically be perceived as everything and nothing at the same time. The nature of this Primordial Consciousness is not only multidimensional and infinite, but even more so, it is BEYOND. The number of pi comes to mind when contemplating SELF. Sometimes I call it God or Divine Love. Other times I call it Buddha Nature. The remarkable and beautiful thing about SELF is that it is YOU and it is ME; there are no distinction and separation from anything. :)
Lastly, I like to add that perhaps religious and spiritual discourse is much like building a net to capture the Butterfly of the SELF (for the lack of a better word), but it can only go so far because it can never be caught. And perhaps sometimes you realize that you are indeed not the person trying to capture the Butterfly after all but rather, YOU(WE) ARE the Butterfly itSELF already infinitely free.
Linear Mode
