Originally Posted by Joe Mc
Yes indeed, I've made several stabs at poetry quite successfully too and music as well i might add. So here we have not stabbing but stomping, in the conversation below, would you like to give your 'enlightened' commentary on this ? I know natureflow since ive arrived here on SF forum and she knows that I have some history with Alcohol and drugs and so although the comments below may not appear as much to you, they certainly were aimed at me and meant to hurt for what reason who knows ? If you go back in history you will see this conversation. Some people are better at expressing themselves in language than others no doubt about it. I'm not a snob in that department and consider my powers to express myself through language rather modest tbh. I often think people make the mistake because they are good at psychology or healing perhaps that they will be good at expressing themselves 'creatively' in language. Stabbing and stomping is there much of a difference between those ? I'm sure we could say alot about it couldn't we in terms of transgressions against females and males then we would hear alot of kerfuffle wouldn't you agree ? I dont expect you to fully understand that conversation but as said i've known natureflow along time and the conversation below was meant to hurt me simple as that :) Thanks for listening.
So just to clarify if we knew someone had been troubled by alcoholism or drug abuse would we consciously and deliberately bring up these areas to conclude a conversation which was light hearted and in good humour, the same way as if I knew someone had been raped or sexually assaulted would I consciously consider using language that might jar that person into trauma ? No I most definitely wouldn't do such a thing but unfortunately people do it, don't they ? Isn't it called pushing buttons etc. Natureflow would probably know what it's called being a trained counsellor lol. yeah. Anyway thanks once again my friend.
[06:47:16] Joe Mc: Ah radical shift in consciousness healing i know it well
[06:47:33] Joe Mc: thats the one down the road :bigtongue:
[06:47:40] naturesflow: lol
[06:47:52] Joe Mc: lol
[06:47:53] naturesflow: the pub down the corner joe?
[06:47:55] naturesflow: lol
[06:48:05] naturesflow: DOwn three energy beers and boom
[06:48:08] Joe Mc: hahahaha !!!!
[06:48:13] naturesflow: you shift from the stool to the floor
[06:48:15] Chrysalis: lol
[06:48:18] naturesflow: Wham!!
[06:48:28] Joe Mc: and a bit diddlely idle
[06:48:37] naturesflow: then the whole pub stomp on you
[06:48:37] Joe Mc: wham bam lol
[06:48:41] naturesflow: and clear you out
[06:48:42] naturesflow: lol
[06:48:45] Joe Mc: thank you mam !!!
[06:48:47] naturesflow: completely
[06:48:50] Joe Mc: oh !!!
[06:48:58] naturesflow: like every part of you BOOM gone zam wham bam gone
[06:49:13] naturesflow: then you fly
[06:49:15] naturesflow: lol
If you would like to know the context of my flying free moment in chat Joe I will explain it to you. Its quite disappointing that you have allowed your own hurt to inflict upon me through your words in the post to blossoming and to sky, but being very enlightened about others and hurt I understand it isn't about me, it is about you. When we hurt or feel something in the face of others, if we assume the context of their sharing or their intent was to hurt or harm and we can harbour and come back to harm them in the face of that, one never fully resolves their hurt.
So I would like to acknowledge your hurt as you feel, but provide you with the underlying intention of my moment in chat to shred away some final bits of my own father issues. If in some ways this has triggered you about your own life, then perhaps you might see some correlation through the underlying meaning that fits into my own life story.
Of late I have been dealing with some deeper issues, that have been difficult and not easy, but I have been getting through, coming into chat after that time allowed me to go into my inner child fun loving side and reflect upon this quite spontaneously
(which if you understand clearing and healing the self this deep, this is often the final leap of faith to end the war, as I do it. it is clarity of feeling
and freedom to let it all go in light hearted fun) as it came from me, to look at it all with light hearted feeling and connection. It was most freeing to let that go as I did. No one needed to know the whys or how's it was about myself and my own process. I was observing myself releasing to the core of my own deeper scars in this release.
I am a self reflector, when it comes to my own feelings so if I am triggered by others, I look at myself and investigate why I feel as I do, what it might serve me as and how that reaction might take me deeper into myself.
Being in the flow to clear out and connect to that freedom was important for me, especially around this issue that flowed from a recent deeper journey of self investigation about my own father and myself.
As a highly sensitive child, growing up with a father who liked to drink a lot, who was raising a large family, working really hard to support us all, he used the pub as his downtime most nights. In those days his drinking bouts were also suppressing a great deal of his own childhood pain and disconnection, and being highly empathic and sensitive to feeling his pain and those times as a sensitive child, I could feel his skewed relating and reaching out to me to try and love me. At times he was very boisterious and invasive upon me as a young girl. I fought him and struggled with this for a long time. So the context of falling down and stomping from all, it was in fact the relationship of his drunken state and my receiving from him all his pain, in those times. To me it felt like the whole world unresolved in him came at me in those times. (Being stomped on by the whole pub) And on this side of myself releasing all that pain through all that stomping, by healing this fully. (the three beers is symbolic of mind body sprit merging, unifying this deeper rift in myself through the masculine oppression and projection of hidden pain unresolved) It was a difficult space of healing for me around being loved and loving my father, because it was a regular occurrence and a pattern that was hard to break free from.
I can forgive you for coming in the way you have done in this thread, hurt can project its own hurt rather than feel it and look at where it might be in and of itself. I have been there before myself, so I understand, I have hurt in my own hurt, assumed things and got myself tangled in those ways.
I have learned deeper through my fathers life why he was as he was and I have forgiven him too. How I did that was to understand deeper myself, understand deeper others as they are.
As a wounded healer (Its my prime archetype for this life, so I have been told and it makes sense to me ) (not a trained counsellor as you suggest) healing the wounded healer in myself has been long and difficult. But I look at everything in my world not healed, reflect and try to regain the joy of my inner child as deep as that moment shows me. So I let go fully the whole cycle of those patterns in myself.
So that when I work/live as my healer self (not wounded) supporting others as I do, in all ways of living and being the healing, I am not holding on or projecting myself at others in my own containments. I am more fully clear and my presence is more pure as I realize deeper the true nature of myself. Self reflecting and more consciously aware ongoing as life shows me more.
(my net went down in chat which is why I was booted out that day, after serveral attempts to get back in, I gave up. Just in case you thought I might have said my piece to hurt you, fled to not allow you space to express all you were feeling. I understand the nature of interconnectedness and sometimes in our own pain and hurt, where we are and coming from with others in close proximity and sharing, can open triggers and reflections. It seems my sharing has created this for you, I hope this explains to you what it all meant in a greater context and if you feel you would like to open why you were hurting that is entirely up to you. I respect peoples choices to be more open about hurt. In this instance a deeply personal matter had to be shared to support my own exposure here being shown by you of me towards others. I am not defending myself, more showing the truth of this matter. as it truly is )
As for my poetry. I am not trying to be the best poet or writer. But I am consistently willing to build the best version of myself. I am not perfect, i sometimes fail miserably, but I give things my best shot. My poetry is more as a tool of process, realizations (ongoing) deepening, so poetry or prose is just another means of self reflection and deepening into my own realizations.
So perhaps in the greater context of that moment I could actually submit a poem to show a bigger relationship of this for me personally.
I often wonder what went down in chats
When my father and the boys and the men in fact
Would sit upon those stools at the bar
Drowning in beer and offloading their scars
Did they go so deep, to reflect upon
Their mothers, fathers, was that their song?
As a little girl, I only knew
What came at me in the greater view
Of my fathers loving and unloving ways
Sometimes it felt like
He bought all that crew
From the pub to my space
Do you get the view?
As deep and troubled my father was
I learned this man through all these clues
He was me, sensitive and deep
But his scars and suffering
Suppressed to meet
All those men and boys so tough
Rough and ready, to deal with much
In those times when my father drank
He bought the whole pub home
As a sensitive tank
Filled up to the brim
With drink and others
Trapped inside, was his sensitive cover
When he moved so close in his boisterous ways
Touched my body, breathed and played
I felt the whole world inside of him
His hands so rough, he wanted to win!
He wanted to love me, with drink as his guide
Confident and open, I just wanted to die
You see a fathers love when gentle and kind
Reflects itself with loving signs
But for me the love I received
Was skewed and mixed with every seed
My father took in, never resolved
His death and spirit at least foretold
Together in spirit we learned and talked
I am grateful for his gift
To heal and not get caught
Up in others, their hurts and pain
But rather heal myself and always gain
A humble, loving grateful heart
Who understands the deeper spark
That men and woman hide from to suppress
Keep those wounds deeply repressed
Yes you have touched upon your own story in the past, our stories are similar in different ways of course. I hope that the deeper reflections I offered you here show that in that mode of being I was at the end of my own healing process. You on the receiving end, I suppose were the perfect reflection for me as an understanding person, but then I have learned something important, some of us to heal deeply and let go to the freedom of the inner child without intent to hurt or harm but to set ourselves free. If you have not moved that deep, I apologize that I may have been self absorbed and not able in that moment to consider your own issues that you might still be hurting through from your own past. I hope you find peace and this helps you to know my intent was purely self awareness reflecting itself more freely. Sometimes in that freedom to open in that way initially, I do open to learn beyond that moment of myself. You opened me to consider myself beyond my own freedom, which is something I strive to build upon when others are more truthful with me.
Insight meditation and the Satipatthana sutta
Mindfuness is 'to see it is as it', and I wish to talk about it more intricately from the nuances of lived experience.
First a note: the equanimity of a calm mind is required to see deeper, so may we speak together here in tones most conducive to our mutual peace of mind.
The most primal premise is your own discernment because each of us is entirely alone in the exploration and subsequent self-discovery. As we are ardent in the truth, nothing is true because 'Buddha said'. The greater the authority we mindlessly believe and obey, the less we are empowered in discernment. The wise may speak as they do, but without any authority what-so-ever, because no one can have insight for you - only you can truly realise.
If that seems true, it follows that there is no recourse at all outside of ourselves, but still we are mutually supportive having that in common - and in this way the greatest service we may afford each other is our own self-awareness, as that alone enables mutual understanding.