What do you value in a significant other?

[Ziusudra]

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

Don't think i'd care much for the goody two shoes type anyway.

LOL!!!!
We all learn from our relationships - mostly about ourselves.

[Ziusudra]

Originally Posted by JosephineBloggs

I got the self explanatory to mean that they didn't need to expand on their question. Not that the ideal in a relationship is self explanatory. Anyway, could be wrong. I've posted this before which I like:

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved

I love this.

Yeah, the same qualities that I value for myself are what I value in my life partner.
Empathy, self love, self respect, optimism, loyalty, honesty, acceptance, curiosity...and survivor.

[Ziusudra]

dup...........

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by lancing

Well, I have three exes that might fit the bill and perhaps strike your fancy:

One is disgustingly possessive, but she's a spicy Latina, so that's okay. She demands attention and expensive gifts, and if you don't give them to her...
If you break up with her, she'll stalk you until you have no other choice but to come back.

The second practices Santeria not Voodoo...I hope that's not a deal breaker. Oh, and if you cross her, she'll drain your life force...

The third is possessive, but she'd never admit it. If you don't check in with her every hour or so, she'll call you a million times. threaten your life, then explain that she only did it cause she was worried. She also gets violent and throws things when she's angry, but she'd never really hurt anyone...Oh, and revenge is her jam! She told me that a few times.

What do I value in a significant other? Not those things! I don't blame you for the sarcasm, but for some of us, it's #truth

I'll take all three at once.

Originally Posted by Ziusudra

LOL!!!!
We all learn from our relationships - mostly about ourselves.

If we are honest with ourselves that is. I'm very wary when people talk about their relationships with others and whenever there is an issue its always someone else fault but nothing is ever their fault. They present themselves as angelic little beings who can do no wrong. I'm not just talking about relationships in a love/romantic sense but in general with people. Like your co-workers and friends.

[Ziusudra]

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

I'll take all three at once.

LOL!!!

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

If we are honest with ourselves that is. I'm very wary when people talk about their relationships with others and whenever there is an issue its always someone else fault but nothing is ever their fault. They present themselves as angelic little beings who can do no wrong. I'm not just talking about relationships in a love/romantic sense but in general with people. Like your co-workers and friends.

I have learned that people are who they are.
As I mature and evolve, others follow their own passage of changes as well.

So, friends come and go as we just stop having anything in common anymore, although we have the same affection for each other as friends. Hence we search for new friendships in different stages of our lives.

Romantic partners... well.
Our needs from the romantic relationship change as we change and evolve.
Often, in our younger years, we don't have enough self awareness to know what we want in a romantic relationship or in a life partnership.
As we go through different partners/lovers, we learn about ourselves.
Nobody is at fault.
I chose every one of my ex bfs and ex husband.
Nobody forced me.

Often, lovers and friends reflect who we are when we meet them.
So, I am grateful for every single one of my past relationships, although some were absolutely disastrous and painful.

Co-workers can be nightmares sometimes since you do not pick them.
You are bound to work together w/o a choice to op-out.
I have worked with few mental cases in my life.
However, some of the co-workers can be lifelong friends because we share a same profession and can help each other.

I can not wait to see what I will attract next.

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by Ziusudra

LOL!!!



I have learned that people are who they are.
As I mature and evolve, others follow their own passage of changes as well.

So, friends come and go as we just stop having anything in common anymore, although we have the same affection for each other as friends. Hence we search for new friendships in different stages of our lives.

Romantic partners... well.
Our needs from the romantic relationship change as we change and evolve.
Often, in our younger years, we don't have enough self awareness to know what we want in a romantic relationship or in a life partnership.
As we go through different partners/lovers, we learn about ourselves.
Nobody is at fault.
I chose every one of my ex bfs and ex husband.
Nobody forced me.

Often, lovers and friends reflect who we are when we meet them.
So, I am grateful for every single one of my past relationships, although some were absolutely disastrous and painful.

Co-workers can be nightmares sometimes since you do not pick them.
You are bound to work together w/o a choice to op-out.
I have worked with few mental cases in my life.
However, some of the co-workers can be lifelong friends because we share a same profession and can help each other.

I can not wait to see what I will attract next.

I agree with you and like your attitude in your last sentence.

Little surprised no one added sense of humor as a valued trait. Yall want to hang around with a bunch of serious people.

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

Vampires don't want you to be afraid. They actually want to lure people to them. They thrive on it. It plays in their favor.

Ahh, you're a lion. A Leo. Leo's are highly optimistic and make good positive role models. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKYQT-RgNZ4

Hi ... Yep.. that's what I'm on about.. I know the cut of the vampires. Got wise to them years ago lol. By heck O.B you done your homework!!! Loving the leo video. They missed one bit out... Firercy loyal!!!!

[The_Klabautermann]

That they don't try to change me, but rather allow me the space to grow/change at my own pace and in my own way - not in a way they think is best.

Maturity - maturity to discuss issues about our bodies, physicality, health...things like that.

Openness - so we can feel 'safe' with each other. So that we can have that 'space' for each other to be able to open up with one another.

Honesty.

Understanding... one aspect of this would be: 'What would you do if you were in my situation?' - putting oneself in the other's shoes.

Compassion (sort of a component for Understanding).

[PMPM71]

To ignite passion in me..not only physical but that also. If that makes me superficial, then so be it. I'm not searching for a friend or a sister. Actually i think its quite the opposite- I can never be into a woman that has just "looks" it has to be "looks" i find desirable.

To be good at something i admire.

Other stuff i kind of have on my own. I think I'm intelligent enough for "deep meaningful conversations" with myself and had them plenty so that's really not a selling point to me. Also don't think i would gain or learn anything from it, intellectualization is overrated. When I was younger i used to say looks and intelligence and now i couldn't care less if she is the smartest woman on the planet or a cleaning lady.

All those generic tropes "good, kind, honest etc." seem to me like lies we tell ourselves. Yes, we all want that also, but is actually not the most important thing because if it was only good people would be together and there would be almost no breakups.

[utopiandreamchild]

Originally Posted by JetBlack

What do you value in a significant other?

Pretty self explanatory.

Thier ability to love themself and others, I really admire those qualities. Unconditional love is everything. Amen