Energy in my mind

[Charismatic]

Greetings, its Charisma

I had an experience a while ago that i would very much want clues or answers for.
Since i was at the mental hospital for this very reason, and none has showed interrest in why and how this happened, i believed they think its some sort of a projection of my mind.

So 6 years ago i had it rough, i had just moved out alone, i was 19, i had been smoking weed a few times from i was 17-19, and experienced alot of anxiety. I was researching everything in my spare time for fun on the internet, some of it i got very scared of, others were just my interrests in the unknown. I found something called binaural beats, third eye openings and so on. I dont exactly know why i did this; but at 3AM one night i decided to listen to binaural beats, and try to open my third eye, which i found to be connected with the pineal gland in anatomy, i would think that i would psychically feel where my pineal gland was and open the third eye with only focus. i believe at the time i did this because i did NOT want to take drugs in the future.

As i meditated at 3AM in my chair :P my first meditation ever, i focused on my pineal gland in my brain, i felt a pressure and saw a monk with a blue aura in still pictures "movie" hugging me, and showing me that i should put my hands close to each other, i did the same and felt chi for the first time in my hands. Later all pictures in my mind disappeared and i fell into a let go eyes feeling, and a little after i saw pictures of buddha, christ, god, all those major beliefs and it just disappeared like i had to get a new view of it.

I was amazed when i woke up, i started 3 AM and ended up taking 2,5 hours. As i went to bed i saw pictures of all kinds of demons, again in still pictures like a movie but with 0.5 second delay on each picture but soon i felt calm and layed to rest.

. After this experience i had worse fear though it was like now i got scared of comets, and big things. Where prior to this experience it was maybe more intruders or even ghosts.

I was pretty rational about the experience of this, so this was just the start of my journey, i felt like a blackhole gathering all kinds of information, i felt i could differ more between whats real and what is not of information.

So that experience was not what got me to the mental hospital here it is.

2 years after that experience i fell down infront of my pc i remember i was on a forum called spirit science and 20 people was on my post all of a sudden. They talked to me about exactly spirit and science, dimensions, different explinations exact explination, i remember looking at a wiki page about dimensions and soon after all this different info it felt like my ego let go, and i fell down infront of my pc.
I saw an energy in my mind, and felt anxiety in my body looking at it, and its that, that i need explaining for, maybe it was my mind doing that trick for some reason.
If you have ever seen the google chrome icon, it looked like that, or rastafari colors, It was perfect green yellow red energies spiraling around on this black background like space. Very beautiful.
When i opened my eyes from it, i felt prana in my head like it was being channeled to me, i instantly searched on "eye color meaning" and "illuminati" what does it mean!? on the internet. I thought prana was flowing in my mind, and i began writing about a vital force aswell on the forums, and chi and we all were special, after a while of that, i sat down to watch tv, and saw a formula 1 car driving around for 20 minuttes, everytime i had a thought pop up the commentators stopped talking, like i had seen it before, old icon. It was like a memory right infront of me on the Television. I saw this red formula 1 car driving around the field, and when there was 2 minuttes left i started to cry and think that it was a childhood memory and why i loved cars as a child, with 1 minute left i started to think that as a kid i did not want to drive the car as a kid, i wanted to "be" the car as a kid. I started to cry much at that point remembering how it was to be a kid. Until i fell asleep with the knowing that i was protected.

Next morning i woke up to a feeling of energies in my little room, i called my friend to tell him what a wonderful experience i had just experienced (he was a gamer friend he did not know my spiritual interrest) So he was shocked to find that my speech and words were in this kind of flow or - as i thought, even my walking was in my own words in "flow" but i guess from hes point of view was very very different from who i used to be, it was like i could answer everything without doubt in my mind, i saw all people had the same eye color aswell, it was like everyone was enlightened and full of energy, and that this was something everyone could do. a relief for me, but all in all "i" was different.
I remember showing him where kundalini is, on his back and i touched hes spine. Next thing i knew was that i thought i was 'put' into his view of the world. things that i saw got gloomy, the skies were darker, everything was a bit gloomy. And as we took a walk i literally yes truly saw from hes 'point of view' in my eyes, as we took the walk i had to consciously remember him to look if there were people, i even remember slightly that i saw a car with no driver, I felt like a guide for my friend.
As we got to the grillbar there was 2 girls working with the same flow that i felt, they looked so natural and very beautiful as best friends at the grill, but i had so much anxiety that i had to lean over my stomach, we ate the food and he went home. And i went to bed.
And the next day - the third day after seeing this magnificent energy, i woke up only to feel that the feeling of energy had gotten worse. my stomach was filled, and i felt extreme as i called it 'negative energy' in my room where i slept. it was like a bubble of chi just in my whole room.

I remembered my mom told me once; If it ever feels like a dream just hop in the ocean, it will wake you up.

So as i felt this bubbly energy in my room i went for the beach, it was april and cold, i tried to meditate the feeling of this negative energy away but couldent. As i was about to hop into the ocean i saw some fishermen and thought they were illusions from my mind. Like the movie Inception. Yet i jumped in the ocean with all my cloth on and did not wake up.

I went home and thought to myself are these people illusions? *** am i supposed to do from here. my room felt so negative to be in or my house rather. And as i remembered the car from day 1 driving around i felt i had to do something special, i had to feel special, i had to do something outside of my house other that sit there, I took my headphones on and listened to all star from smash mouth, And the joy i felt on day 2, yet i didnt think of calling my family, no guys i literally from here in my mind i was such a confusion and innocent mind at this point, i didnt get scared, but i had to find something, on the other side of my house there was a bike 'gang' or rather old people's bike club, i went over the fence and literally asked them "can i borrow your motorcycle to ride on?" and obviosly they said !no
i went sad over the fence to my house again and saw a cat at my neighboor (we were not supposed to have cats there) in all compassion i tried to free the cat, cause in my mind i thought it 'wanted to be freed' so i found a hammer i had and smashed the window, to free the cat, as i did that with a few tries i went in for the cat which had fleed to the bathroom, as i went for it, it had all black puppils and was hissing at me, with one paw swaying at me to tell me to leave.
Well i did leave, and the police came. Felt like a few seconds after. Like it was "meant to be" i have a few stories from the mental hospital recieving gifts aswell that i might write about in the future. Like reiki dance, and trust etc. Hard to explain happenings, et.c. 3 days and i saw normal blue green brown etc eye color again. I also cried tears of joy as i could control this good feeling of crying and letting go, at the hospital.
-So the police drove me to the mental hospital and i am now on something called Leponex It was very hard to accept this.

So my question is, was that a projection of my own mind as some sort of ego defence thing that my brain does? how is it explained, and as i said it looked like the google chrome icon or the rastafari colors, and why did i have anxiety looking at it from a whole? why was the image so life like between fiction and reality? and if it was my fantasy playing tricks why wasnt i sucked into it or something; why was it still yet spiraling around itself? Cause to me it felt like 3 eternal energies

Thanks for reading truly - Charisma

[shivatar]

It sounds to me like you had a spiritual experience. You may have also experienced temporary hallucinations but they sometimes happen. The hallmarks of a deep spiritual experience are when your experience of time shifted (which marks a deep level of consciousness) and when you began to have visions.

an enhanced ability to feel compassion is another hallmark. sensing the universal self in others (symbolized by everybody having the same eye color) is one. and through my personal experience I believe the stomach pain is also another hallmark, but one that is often overlooked and not mentioned by many. I think with the spiritual awakening there is a massive release of serotonin, so much that the entire system in the brain gets bumped up a few notches. this can cause euphoria, but also paranoia and hallucinations sometimes too. In my experience the euphoria comes first, sometimes with a very very very subtle audio hallucination, (never had a visual hallucination, thought I heard a howl of wind once or twice), and then after a few days of that my body will run itself out of the happy chemicals and i'll enter a similar but opposite period. I like to think of it as a chemical cycle, first the up, then the down, like any drug.

the spiritual experience can be thought of like a drug.

if you are tripping too hard and you don't want to, all you have to do is lower your happy chemicals. Doubt, pessimism, and a general hatred will bring your level of consciousness down... but is that really what you want? In my experience once you dampen the experience it tends to not go back up. I think the best thing to do is let it run its course. trust that God gave you this journey for a reason.

by the way, quit taking psych drugs as soon as you can. they are a short term fix and not really as helpful or essential as they say, it's more of a thing for suicidal people. since you are going through a spiritual transformation it's better that you stay off drugs and go all natural for the experience.

the drugs interfere with the experience.

the spiritual experience is caused by brain chemistry abnormalities (obviously, it's a short term experience), since it;s short term abnormality it can be waited out. there is no pressing need to give you psychotropic drugs. If this was a long term problem and you didn't have any spiritual experiences with it, just a bunch of random hallucinations, then drugs are the answer.

also I'm pretty sure that if you only take them for a few weeks it might put a kink in your experience, but if you let your system clear itself and continue to practice (meditation, soul searching, etc) then I bet the experience will come right back for you. set your intention on awakening fully. it's a wild ride but its worth it. its the only way to live.

[Charismatic]

Hello and Thanks for a quite good reply :)

As i have thought alot of the colors of the 3 as i said "eternal energies" or whatever it was. when i was in contact i thought Prana was red, vital force was green, i speculated alot after the experience that these were the 2 primary colors in the moving picture i saw in my mind, yet i gave karma the yellow meaning, but then i thought of the sun. :)

I have speculated if rastafari religion and that "livity" is someone that has had the same experience or something. So i really want ressonance.

Also as i was in contact with what i thought was prana i asked 2 questions, What is eye color, and what is illuminati, i made up 2 answers aswell. Illuminati was a based up idea that there is fear and love, and spreaded, i dont think counter parts, i thought that the all seeing eye symbol was that you could archive on popular belief enlightenment. And eye color had a meaning as in elements kind of thing i think i thought.

The mystical part was the feeling i got after i had seen this energy in my mind, the flow feeling was fantastic, and the magical consciousness thing on the internet etc, the equal eye color showed me all was equal, and had it on the inside, that we are special and unique people, and also i could answer many things without doubt to people and on forums, and also that when playing sports (i tried table tennis these days) The ball was flying in slow motion and super fun, yet these things were only a few days it felt good in a sense that it was "magical" So me myself thought it was psychotic when the doctors asked for medicines and i took it, yet saw a picture in my mind of me getting forced with a syringe by many, and took the pills basicly without force.

obviously the rush made me shake at the mental hospital, when i saw normal eye color on people, and didnt feel the flow after about 3 days there. but after that i cried tears of joy and thought weird thoughts, i just wanted to cry and the feeling of freeing my headache i guess kept me crying of how beautiful it was, etc. while having a feeling of slight claustrophobia and that people were there with me for a reason.

To me the experience was personal, maybe an idea maybe transcendal or some weird thing, but it showed me to stay young in a sense and the coincidence that i heard this song, and you should hear this song - All star from smash mouth, Its from shrek, To feel young and live for fun also was very good and very effective for me at an age of 21, i have many dreams afterwards and freetime activities i want to do that i might not have thought of if i did not have this experience. I want to roller blade, i want to free dive in the summer etc. Also remember to live for fun :)

btw also try searching fearless2435 on youtube, that picture is alike if not the same that i saw in my mind the first time when i was 19 at 3am just hugging me, i thought it was my higher self; not the video, but the picture looked alike what i saw when i was 19. when i saw the still pictures of this mystical monk hugging me and showing me this chi, and showing me that i had to get a new view of major religious figures (the first experience, not the second)

'experience 1, - third eye opening thing, 19 years old'

'experience 2 - energy eternal thing, 21 years old'

reason for mental hospital' couldent speak clearly to people, tried to free a cat

reason for medicines, crying to much for people to understand around me, (did it infront of everyone in the little smoke garden, to free or clear myself, to relieve headache etc. weird thoughts, and a little weird behavior, and shaking, energetic dance aswell, kind of a reiki flow dance. And reflecting back on my life. yet i could think of the other patients and what was going on.

If you wonder if i want to drive a formula 1 car around a real beautiful track some day YES i want to try out being in a formula 1 car and drive around alone a track for days :P maybe because of what i thought at that time, of what i thought was a childhood memory. reason i cried back then was because i began thinking "OMG THAT's why i loved cars all my life"
Its no wonder i thought it was a dream really already when rewriting this :)