Why I Worship Shiva

[Shivani Devi]

Namaste, Om and Prem.

For a while, there's a part of me I have been holding back. I have been keeping it to myself, but maybe if I just stop trying to analyze this and just put it out there, it may help unburden the karmic load a bit.

I didn't do it before now, because I didn't know how others would take it and their reactions to it, but I can't hide it anymore either, I can't because Shiva is a part of who I am (if not who I am) LOL

When I was 14, my family visited Malaysia during the time of Thaipusam festival and my parents wanted to go see it...so we all went.

During the spectacle, I became separated from my parents and wound up in a temple where people were all just off the planet and being pierced with metal rods, skewers, fish hooks etc all over their body and there wasn't any blood...no pain...nothing....just love and bliss...

I saw a picture of Shiva there and next thing I knew, I was screaming and writhing on the floor with a 'do me!...I wanna be in this...do me!...

Yeah...so that was the whole start of it.

A couple of years later, in Bali, my family and I were invited to a ceremony as guests and were told to respect the customs of the temple and remain seated.

It wasn't a Shiva temple, but there was a picture of Shiva in there and during the ceremony, the priest asked the worshippers to go and put offerings there. I had a banana...I wanted to go...family morals restrained me and I was really mad! annoyed! upset! stupid family....etc etc

So, I sat and listened to the background drone of the gamelan and allowed it to put me into trance and said "All I have to offer now, is my heart, Shiva...take it or leave it"...what followed was like OMG!!!

I passed out with the sheer intensity of it all.

I was taken behind the scenes and attended to by the priest who merely said "Shiva touched your soul just then, didn't he? You are bonded with him for life" and gave me a gold OM which was around his neck.

A year after that, in Fiji.

I was holidaying with my family and I had a separate hotel room - I was about 17 or so.

They decided they wanted to go out sightseeing, while I was in bed with the 'flu.

I didn't feel like going out, but I was also bored to death of laying in bed too.

Turned on the tele...nothing...tried to read Kant...nothing...started pacing the room, looking in drawers...nothing...looked under the bed...

There was a book...right up in the corner...

"Lord Siva and His Worship - Swami Sivananda".

I dropped it, fell to the ground and cue what happened in Malaysia...then I read it. lol

I later married a disciple of Swami Sivananda who was a devotee of Hanuman...the plot thickens. lol

Then last time: 5 years ago.

I had pretty much given up on the whole Hindu/spirituality thing for 20 years..felt I'd gone as far as I could go...some bad experiences along the way...

I was looking up something not Hindu/Shiva related on the 'tube when suddenly a 'recommended for you' pops up and the name of the hymn was "kalabhairavashtakam"...

Now, I thought I had learned all of the "ashtakams" (sacred eight-verse hymns to Lord Shiva) but I never heard of that one before...

It was fortunate that I knew Sanskrit too...

When I heard it...the words...related it back to my own personal heart-deity from Bali...OMG! OMG!

I also looked up "Bhairava Appearance Day (Bhairava Jayanthi) in our sacred calendar...guess what? Same freaking day!!! OMG!

After that, it was like "Hi there, remember me? you may have forgotten Hinduism, but who said I was ever a part of that anyway? I am Shiva!"

Geez! What now? I couldn't hold it back again....it was for real....for real.

Since that time, just really nice states now and then and happy things now and then...but I miss that deep connection now.

Thank you for reading.

Aum Namah Shivaya

[Miss Hepburn]

I would miss the deep connection now also.
BUT, you do have the ability to connect very deeply.
Sit, be in stillness...talk out loud to Shiva,( this is very powerful).

We are given moments of extreme grace.
Then, they are gone.
It is now our beautiful effort to increase our wisdom...to become
more pure in our hearts to be able to experience this connection
always.

There is a trust we must always have that whatever our experience
it is perfect for us and as much a gift as the dynamic moments we were
gifted with suddenly.
Gratitude even when we are experiencing difficulties...focus on Shiva....
whether a wave is at high tide or low tide.

My 2 cents.

[Shivani Devi]

Thanks Miss H. <3

Somebody just sent a truckload of love and energy my way a few hours ago because I felt it!

It's all still there...all of it!...all of it!

I've just spent the past 3 hours crying tears of joy...pillow saturated now...dehydrated. lol

I just wanted to feel it again so much, I surrendered the whole feeling to Shiva with love.

Floating...happy...smiling so much it hurts...laughing and crying simultaneously...oh my...(arul #5).

It all started with Borobudur temple again....agama floor designs...yantras...time in Java...Shiva everywhere...

I still have the ability to connect in this way through the Agamas, I haven't lost it!

Aum Namah Shivaya

[Vinayaka]

He's just there. Right there. All the time. If you forget, somewhere, some day He'll remind you. He always does.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Vinayaka

He's just there. Right there. All the time. If you forget, somewhere, some day He'll remind you. He always does.

Jai Bholenath! <3

In the end, my own spirit guides had to act as intermediary because I couldn't wait for a guru...I would have totally imploded long before I could find one.

It was like a spiritual fever which finally broke...finally!

I'm okay now...back to 'normal' now (whatever that is for Necro) lol

No more spiritual angst on SF now! It's over.



Om Swastiyastu
Om Namah Shivay

[shivatar]

Just chillin bruh. wassup.

[shivatar]

I think what you were seeing in that culture, is they are using pain as a measuring stick for mind and spiritual growth.

You see the blissful people, they were all older or elderly, all mature, all spiritually developed. But you who cried, you were young and it was your first time. You could not distinguish yet mind from soul, God from ego, and that culture you were in, I believe they were using pain as a measuring stick. Some use meditation, some use pain, ya know the old many paths one destination thing, but it is essentially a grinding stone.

I really enjoyed learning and thinking about that, I rarely get to hear about Shiva disciples and Shiva devotees since i live in the west and he is not common here.

Shiva respects the offer of sacrifice. You achieved great spiritual status when you offered your life, because you offered your life. Your experience is fleeting for two reasons.

The first reason is you are not continously making this vow. Perhaps thinking that making it once is enough and it need not be affirmed each day, it does though. When you don't constantly affirm the vow of selfless service, sacrifice, and servitude, all gifts granted by the vow will also leave.

The second, is you are caught in the pleasure of higher consciousness. The sad truth is you are not Shiva, nor am I really, rather we are at best strong disciples or devotees of his. Humans born imbued with his essence, easily able to accept his gifts. And through effort we can renounce our ego through vows of service to become channels for his infinite energy and being. Because you think you are Shiva, this and many other things says to me, you are caught in the esctacy of higher consciosuness and are at a pause in your growth.

To continue on, truly make the vow, and continue to make it when mara comes to tempt you with escapes or pleasures. and before you fear or fret, know that the ways you can selflessly help others doesn't have to be "work 80 hours as a therapist" or "become a yogi or preacher". You can lead by example, using your new spirituality enhanced consciousness to perhaps show others the best way to pray. In this way you are pushing others souls onward spiritually, and feel no pressure to say "I am God in human form" because yes, it is a difficult thing to say, and one very few want to hear. Also being God has a lot of responsibility with it, on a deep and spiritual level you know this, perhaps that is why you choose to attach to the pleasure of God consciousness and pause your work before accepting mountains and mountains of responsibility.

[Shivani Devi]

The sad truth is you are not Shiva, nor am I really, rather we are at best strong disciples or devotees of his. Humans born imbued with his essence, easily able to accept his gifts. And through effort we can renounce our ego through vows of service to become channels for his infinite energy and being. Because you think you are Shiva, this and many other things says to me, you are caught in the esctacy of higher consciosuness and are at a pause in your growth.

Namaste.

You couldn't be any further from the truth here, my friend!

I am so pleased and relieved...overjoyed to know that I am not Shiva!

I love him so much, I would never, ever want to become the object of my love...if that were even an option for me here, I would have given in to the whole advaita vedanta trip ages ago.

I was also wondering when you'd show up, my dear Nandi...I have been waiting for this. <3

Yes, I need to affirm my connection with Shiva more often than I do, but I just got through saying in another thread that it knocks me the hell around whenever I do, so I try not to do it too often, but He knows on a heart level that even though I'm not praying to him 24/7, doesn't mean the love ain't there...

Even Narada Muni couldn't fix his mind on Narayana that much so as not to let a drop of water spill from the bucket he was carrying on top of his head...

No, I am not Shiva...despite everybody telling me that I am...I am just his humble servant...always!...sometimes I get to have the role of Shakti though...sometimes...

I don't know where you got the idea...

Peace and love to you.

Aum Namah Shivaya

[Shivani Devi]

This is a very nice thread, Necro. I always read what you write and I'll find the time to reply to you.

Always remember what you felt back then...whatever happened, it's all timeless, it always is. It will never leave you...now, we're going to hang around you on this forum now and help you out...you should really start your own forum with thousands of members...all of which are you. lol

Aum Namah Shivaya

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

This is a very nice thread, Necro. I always read what you write and I'll find the time to reply to you.

Always remember what you felt back then...whatever happened, it's all timeless, it always is. It will never leave you...now, we're going to hang around you on this forum now and help you out...you should start your own forum with thousands of members...all of which are you. lol

Aum Namah Shivaya

Thanks so much and I look forward to reading your replies and having you around. You've made my day.