Need to blurt out my pain

[tabane27]

Don't know where to turn other than blurt it out here....

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and yesterday I fleed my ex after he was violent to me, which was first time after year and half. I had him arrested immediately. I'm now staying with my stepdad and my mother doesn't really want me at her house. Probably due to many reasons like he would probably go there to find me even though he's on bail. She thinks I'm being selfish towards her coz I gave him a chance for sake of baby after leaving him few weeks ago. But mainly because she just doesn't want me around. I begged her to let me stay and she screamed in my face. She's now telling me he's been seen by her house which is miles from where he lives, which I don't believe, just think she's just giving excuses to not have me there. All I want is her comfort and support. My stepdad is not happy I'm here either, he's giving me the impression I'm intruding and in the way. My family don't seem to understand how scared and fragile I feel, they think if I cry that I'm being childish and selfish towards my baby.
I'm absolutely heart broken and fear my baby can feel all my emotions and will be affected by it. I lost its twin 10 weeks ago and I'm terrified I will loose this one to but I can't hold all my pain in. My ex is telling the police iv lied about him hurting me and tried to hurt baby but he did. I loved him so much and can't process the fact he has done this to me. Everybody around me seems to not understand how I feel or pain I'm in, I feel so alone I just want to curl up and hide away. I can't because of the baby. Iv lost everything and everyone. I'm pennyless and have to go into a refuge miles away in a strange town and have only 4 half months till baby is born. I'm scared I will not have a home for it or security or even baby stuff. I don't know if I can do this all on my own. I was told I could never hold a child, this baby is my long wanted miracle. This is not how I planned to have a child. I thought I met the perfect man after previous horrible relationships. I never thought he would hurt me in anyway

[LadyMay]

Omg I'm so sorry. This is heartbreaking to read. Do you have any place nearby you can go to that can support you with your plea for domestic violence and another place that is a support group for single mothers? I bet many have similar situations to you and you could help each other. Whatever you do please try to get help from others, there are many nice people and organisations out there for situations such as this and you do not have to go through all this alone. Your mum and step-dad sound horrible so I would get away from them asap. Do you have a friend you can stay with and maybe look for a part time job to help out with rent, or even just offer to look after the house and clean and cook whilst they go to work. Anything to get you in a safe place. If you don't have a friend please search online for local companies that can at least give you advice, and perhaps help you find shelter for your pregnancy.

Wishing you luck.

[Theophila]

Tabane , I am so so so sorry you are in this position,
I am so sorrowed reading about your surroundings and I am sorry to say your mothers cold and callus reaction....
I can see you are overwhelmed by emotions, fears and disappointment .....
This man sounds dangerous and not a person I would think bringing a child into the world would suitable for....
My humble advice would first and foremost , try to calm down.....
Try to quiet your mind...
Stress will never bring any good.....
Stress stems from your fears ....
Try to calm yourself down. Once you calm your mind and body , try to think about things a little more calmly ...
First , with your partner , if he is dangerous in any way, you need to go to social services and report him. I don't know where you live but there is usually services for abused women and you can get help.
Many times social services can guide you to get help yourself and your unborn child. If you are not in a good state financially you can get care like Medicaid to cover you and your pregnancy and your baby thereafter. You will not be without care!
If you talk to your mother and show her you are proactive in this and taking measures to protect you and them maybe that would sorta ease them a bit.
Try to talk to her...without your stepdad around and ask her to help you till you can get back in your feet... don't be afraid of her...
You have to have faith , and believe and not be afraid...
I cannot imagine a mother who would throw her pregnant daughter out on the streets. If you show that you have taken action for this man and that you are serious and proactive , maybe she will not be so harsh...
If she is that cruel , again talk to social services.
I think there are also organizations that can help.
I know it all seems desperately hopeless , I truly understand , but it's not .
I don't know if you have beliefs but try to have faith.
You know what helps when you are deeply in fear and stressed?
Don't think about months ahead , or years or how will this end up ...
Think about that day, just that day and what you could do to help yourself...
Just focus on what you need right now...
Breathe, just breathe , and try to silence the million voices in your head with fears and worries ....

I really hope you find your way, I pray for you and your baby����

[Baile]

Hi tabane. Here are the positives:

1. You are free of that dysfunctional relationship; that idiot man who cheated on you and hit you.

2. You are free of that dysfunctional relationship with your family, who treated you disgracefully.

3. You are going to have a beautiful baby!

And now you must focus on and put your positive energy towards #3, for the sake of your child. This is your job and responsibility. This is your soul task in this moment, and that is all that matters now. All the best.

[7luminaries]

Tabane, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your pain. Please take every opportunity to take care of yourself.

And please make another call to the police and see what is required to make sure your ex is kept away from you and baby for as long as possible. You can certainly get some sort of protective bond or similar where he cannot approach beyond a certain distance or get too close to you.

Whilst on the phone with them, be certain to ask them for references to social services in your area. If there are none that are government related in your area (I assume you are in the US), then ask the police for any assistance provided by churches or volunteer groups for battered women, and for pregnant/single mums...and make use of all of it!

You are in need of shelter and kindness...and whatever is available, you will need to make use of...don't worry about anything else.

Much love and blessings to you, and as Baile said, focus on the positives wherever possible, for the good of your child. You have a great adventure ahead
7L

[OceanMind]

Hello Dear One,
The first time I was pregnant, I also was in a bad situation. I felt so alone. I cried hard every night and I also thought it might harm my unborn baby.

One of the best things that you have done is to end a toxic relationship. Stay strong. It is amazing what we can do as warrior women. You need to have a good environment to bring up your child.

Focus on the baby right now. Do you have an income source? That is big step to help you move forward and be independent.

Just so you know, my "baby" is now 24 years old (his birthday was yesterday), he is engaged to a nice girl, and has a good job. So I guess the initial turmoil while I was pregnant, did not have too much affect.

Good luck and message me if you need some support.