Can you be too nice?

I didn't really know where to put this question, but I wonder if you can be TOO nice. I am working on dropping my ego and seeing what happens when I do nothing but be pure love...I do get the odd snappy thing arise in me but in general I'm pretty nice/good...

Unfortunately, in a word .... yes! By this I mean that some may see you as a doormat. I have found that boundaries need to be put in place in order for kindness/love not to be abused. I guess I am just indicating that it would be prudent to be wary of those with ulterior motives. I wish I didn't have to even type this but, as a realist, I have seen that not everyone has integrated morals or a conscience.

You may have a different experience - good luck. It's an admirable direction, I salute you!

Please let us know how you get on.

[psychoslice]

You can only be what you are, if you have to try and be nice, then that is just patronizing the other, just simply be who you are, if that is being nice then that is who you are, if its not being nice, then that also is who you are, its best to be who you are instead of trying to be who you are not.

[knightofalbion]

Originally Posted by psychoslice

You can only be what you are, if you have to try and be nice, then that is just patronizing the other, just simply be who you are, if that is being nice then that is who you are, if its not being nice, then that also is who you are, its best to be who you are instead of trying to be who you are not.

A wise analysis, Robert.

Though we should all always be seeking to be a better person...

And often 'reaching for the stars may get you to the moon'.

[Tobi]

Stephanie, I think that's an admirable thing to want to do.
But true -don't let yourself be mis-used by anyone. It is possible to assert things without having to be unloving. Though of course "ego" means lots of things. Even feeling stung or hurt by someone's comments or any meanness etc -things like that -are part of the ego. Finding assertiveness difficult....that's the ego again....etc etc....

But honestly, that would be my ambition. To be able to live daily and nightly in Pure unconditional Love! But that's where the Heart is, so try it. All the best to you. All deeds done with this intention will be lovely. Blessings.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by stephanie79

I didn't really know where to put this question, but I wonder if you can be TOO nice. I am working on dropping my ego and seeing what happens when I do nothing but be pure love...I do get the odd snappy thing arise in me but in general I'm pretty nice/good...

stephanie79 - I agree with Amy Green in that you can only go so far and sometimes people take advantage of your niceness to the point that it seems to be a green light for them to steam roll over you and others. I have a particular situation that I'm in that has me in such a position. My son is getting married and he and his fiance are always at each other's throats in the presence of others. If I didn't know better I would think they really hate each other, but neither one wants to address the elephant in the room. Whenever I'm around the two of them, the fiance puts my son down repeatedly in very vicious ways, then he attacks her back. I get very uncomfortable and nervous. Then when he leaves the room, she talks about him behind his back to me as if I'm her confidant. I am at my wits end and the other day I just about broke down and walked out of the room. But I don't want to alienate my son so I just sat in horror with my mouth shut. My husband on the other hand dished out retaliation comments somewhat, but neither of us really addressed the obvious. I am trying my hardest to be happy for the two of them, but it's hard when I spent a good portion of my life building my child's self-esteem up only for a future wife to destroy any self-worth he has. I guess I'm just venting at this point. Thanks for letting me write this out. There is a time for niceness and there is a time to speak up when people aren't being nice themselves. That statement is a self-motivation attempt. I'd like to say I always practice what I preach, but that wouldn't be accurate, at least not in this situation.

Blackraven

[Miss Hepburn]

Just remember Jesus said, Love your neighbor as you do yourself...(or close to that.)


Not MORE, than yourself!!

[Nameless]

Blackraven - I have come to the conclusion during the last 2 years that it is not my job to police my adult children's lives - I really don't get a vote. So, holding your tongue, in my boat, was a wise move. She really may be your daughter in law some day, and you want to see those grandkids.

On the other hand, you don't have to sit and listen to any abuse, from either one of them. You have to put your emotional needs first, and it is hard to do with adult children - I am still working on it. But it is learning to stay centered that really helps. If you are all living on top of one another, then you all need a family meeting and just tell them that you need some more space, and you don't really want to hear about their relationship, you're still working on your own :).

Boundaries are good - everyone needs them. Easy to say, I know. I'm still learning, but that I did learn from my momma's knee. Never talk bad about the in laws...

you know, you can ask the sky for help with this. This sounds like one of those times to *give it to Jesus* - something I learned from a Christian friend I had. If it's something I can't handle, I just give up and let god handle it, and get on with my own stuff. Worth a shot.

Just a few ideas. Oh, hear is one from Abraham. About when someone that is always complaining comes up to you, the first thing out of your mouth is, So, what the Good News?

Here's one. Put on some dance music and boogie around. that'll sidetrack them... it's hard to fight when you're laughing. Of course, if you are a really good dancer, I guess that won't work ...

Hugs.

[Native spirit]

I have to agree with psychoslice that you can only be what you are.you have to love yourself in order for anyone else to love you.you have to be true to yourself in order for anyone to be true to you.live your life in the best way possible that way people will see the true beauty that lies within.

Namaste

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by Nameless

Blackraven - I have come to the conclusion during the last 2 years that it is not my job to police my adult children's lives - I really don't get a vote. So, holding your tongue, in my boat, was a wise move. She really may be your daughter in law some day, and you want to see those grandkids.

On the other hand, you don't have to sit and listen to any abuse, from either one of them. You have to put your emotional needs first, and it is hard to do with adult children - I am still working on it. But it is learning to stay centered that really helps. If you are all living on top of one another, then you all need a family meeting and just tell them that you need some more space, and you don't really want to hear about their relationship, you're still working on your own :).

Boundaries are good - everyone needs them. Easy to say, I know. I'm still learning, but that I did learn from my momma's knee. Never talk bad about the in laws...

you know, you can ask the sky for help with this. This sounds like one of those times to *give it to Jesus* - something I learned from a Christian friend I had. If it's something I can't handle, I just give up and let god handle it, and get on with my own stuff. Worth a shot.

Just a few ideas. Oh, hear is one from Abraham. About when someone that is always complaining comes up to you, the first thing out of your mouth is, So, what the Good News?

Here's one. Put on some dance music and boogie around. that'll sidetrack them... it's hard to fight when you're laughing. Of course, if you are a really good dancer, I guess that won't work ...

Hugs.

Thank you for saying everything you said, Nameless. I have to remember their age and even though I'm at a place in life to which I prefer peace and tranquility, I haven't always been in this place. I seem to recall being their age and being defensive, argumentative, confrontational and ruled by my lofty ideals. I think each one of them is testing the waters with one another to see who is going to be in control. As far as insults being exchanged and arguing back and forth, it isn't pleasant and I'm not comfortable with it. I don't tend to like people disrespecting others. But like you pointed out, I have to let them be adults and figure things out on their own. I want to have a good relationship with both my future daughter-in-law and of course my son. And yes, after you asked if I want to see my grandchildren some day, the answer is yes. I thought long and hard about this issue in the middle of the night last night and came to the conclusions I have to take a step back and remain neutral and hopefully in a positive place both for myself and for them to see. The other day my son told me that they love each other, but it's just how they communicate. I would be very stressed communicating like that all the time with my spouse, but I have to mind my own business. Everyone is different. Just because I am uncomfortable with confrontation doesn't give me the right to intervene. Perhaps they are working some issues out before they get married for whatever reason which is none of my business. Again, thanks for your post. It came at just the right time and I took it to heart.

Blackraven