When somebody comes back to your life it means YOU LOVE him NOT that he loves you

[clueless]

That is my new theory, please hear me out

I read so many stories about people who came back to a persons life after many years.

Whether those people are twin flames, or soul mates, or old friends... but after they came back to a persons life and learn that person still has feelings for them, they moved on, like they got new surge of energy and nothing transpired for them together as a couple.

There are so many stories like that.

"He/she came back to my life after so many years, I still love him/her, Ill take it slowly"... then after some time nothing happens, person who came back moves on with their life, and person who "waited" or at least hoped for the "grand return" stays empty handed yet again.

No it hasn't happened to me personally nor it will,
but I read so many stories like that that I have this new theory that
when somebody comes back to your life it is not because they love you
it is not because they missed you,
nor it is because they finally came to their senses or learn life lessons, or had an awakening.

It means that YOU love them so much
you loved them unconditionally, and your love was a beacon of light for them, like a moth to a flame,
like a magnet, your love towards them was a magnet that attracted them back since everyone desires love deep down
and when soul feels unconditional love from somebody, soul is attracted to that person

But, nothing transpirs out of it, once they been fed and lightened and recharged with your love they move on, they are energized and move on with their lives, and you
are still here thinking how much they love you since they came back.

"If you love somebody set them free if they come back they are yours forever" -we all know this cheesy saying, right?

But it is not right, isn't it?
Most of the time, at least in TF community that does not play out that way...

Anyway, I realized I don't love him at all, I don't have any kind of feelings towards him, and now I know that he wont ever come back. And I'm ok with that.


What are your thoughts on this? Does it sounds silly? I know it is not spiritual enough and I know "all we need is love" but still...

Also, I would like to say Hi to old members I read in here, and if they read I hope that they are well, and if they remember me please post to know you are ok

[Anne]

Hi clueless; I am one who has always enjoyed reading your posts. Glad to read you are doing well .

To my mind what you describe below is the behavior of a narc, or energy vampire. I think romantics have a tough time at first, recognizing these souls- i.e. those that feed off your love and light, then toss you like yesterday’s garbage when their ego is blooming again.

It takes a long time, but eventually even romantics will discover the need to protect themselves from such individuals, soulmate or no.

It does not sound silly to me at all. I too want to believe ‘love is all you need’.
It’s just now, after some suffering, I am more proactive and alert to those who stop by to steal my light.

Originally Posted by clueless

That is my new theory, please hear me out

I read so many stories about people who came back to a persons life after many years.

Whether those people are twin flames, or soul mates, or old friends... but after they came back to a persons life and learn that person still has feelings for them, they moved on, like they got new surge of energy and nothing transpired for them together as a couple.

There are so many stories like that.

"He/she came back to my life after so many years, I still love him/her, Ill take it slowly"... then after some time nothing happens, person who came back moves on with their life, and person who "waited" or at least hoped for the "grand return" stays empty handed yet again.

No it hasn't happened to me personally nor it will,
but I read so many stories like that that I have this new theory that
when somebody comes back to your life it is not because they love you
it is not because they missed you,
nor it is because they finally came to their senses or learn life lessons, or had an awakening.

It means that YOU love them so much
you loved them unconditionally, and your love was a beacon of light for them, like a moth to a flame,
like a magnet, your love towards them was a magnet that attracted them back since everyone desires love deep down
and when soul feels unconditional love from somebody, soul is attracted to that person

But, nothing transpirs out of it, once they been fed and lightened and recharged with your love they move on, they are energized and move on with their lives, and you
are still here thinking how much they love you since they came back.

[TheMotherKnowsAll]

Hi Anne,
Your post makes total sense to me. I dated someone during my early 20's. We lived together for 2 years, etc, so it was pretty serious. I loved him totally. We broke up. He was the breaker. But, for years, every time his life hit turmoil, he came to me. Called me, wrote me, etc. I was his memory of a happy place with someone loving him. And them he would remember that he left me, and leave again. He even made me swear that if neither of us had found someone to marry by the time we were thirty that we would get married. Seriously, how awful is that? I had to move away and tell my family not to let him know where I was so I could move on with life without having him mess it up for me. So, you are spot on with this. He came to me because I loved him unconditionally - he continued to use that love and then leave because he did not love me back in the same way. Getting away is the only thing to do. The last time I talked to him was when he was getting ready to turn thirty. I told him I was getting married in a few weeks (I am still married to the same guy, 25 years!) and the deal was off. It felt amazing! I think your theory is totally accurate and there is everything spiritual about guarding your own spirit, will and energy from other who would harm it!

[TheMotherKnowsAll]

Whoops! That should have been to Clueless not Anne!!! I am still pretty new to posting even tho I have been a reader for a pretty good while now. Sorry!! I will get the hang of it someday!!

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by clueless

That is my new theory, please hear me out

I read so many stories about people who came back to a persons life after many years.

Whether those people are twin flames, or soul mates, or old friends... but after they came back to a persons life and learn that person still has feelings for them, they moved on, like they got new surge of energy and nothing transpired for them together as a couple.

There are so many stories like that.

"He/she came back to my life after so many years, I still love him/her, Ill take it slowly"... then after some time nothing happens, person who came back moves on with their life, and person who "waited" or at least hoped for the "grand return" stays empty handed yet again.

No it hasn't happened to me personally nor it will,
but I read so many stories like that that I have this new theory that
when somebody comes back to your life it is not because they love you
it is not because they missed you,
nor it is because they finally came to their senses or learn life lessons, or had an awakening.

It means that YOU love them so much
you loved them unconditionally, and your love was a beacon of light for them, like a moth to a flame,
like a magnet, your love towards them was a magnet that attracted them back since everyone desires love deep down
and when soul feels unconditional love from somebody, soul is attracted to that person

But, nothing transpirs out of it, once they been fed and lightened and recharged with your love they move on, they are energized and move on with their lives, and you
are still here thinking how much they love you since they came back.

"If you love somebody set them free if they come back they are yours forever" -we all know this cheesy saying, right?

But it is not right, isn't it?
Most of the time, at least in TF community that does not play out that way...

Anyway, I realized I don't love him at all, I don't have any kind of feelings towards him, and now I know that he wont ever come back. And I'm ok with that.


What are your thoughts on this? Does it sounds silly? I know it is not spiritual enough and I know "all we need is love" but still...

Also, I would like to say Hi to old members I read in here, and if they read I hope that they are well, and if they remember me please post to know you are ok

I don't know, it sounds like a bit of a negative attitude to me. It may be true in some cases. I'm sure there are also plenty of examples of people that have come back together and stayed together. I think one of the mistakes that is made is when people say "a tf will ALWAYS do this or NEVER do that"... I mean, how does anyone really know what the extent of these connections are capable of is? Also, keep in mind that "twin flames" is a term made up by humans, it's kind of a "role" that we can play to each other in a specific lifetime, we don't fully understand the complete depth of what these connections are.

I would also say that along the lines of "all we need is love" is that the love we really need should always first come from WITHIN, not from any outside source. That is the only way we can always ensure that we will have it. Anything else is co-dependence.

I think that any type of waiting is extremely unhealthy and bad for our mental health. So no matter what, we should always work to move on when someone has left our lives or work on acceptance when they are in our lives of what they are to us at the time.

Having said all that, my twin did actually "come back" after 2 years of separation. I'd be lying if I said I didn't question his motives at times, however he is the one that wanted to continue to talk and interact. We have been talking for 3 months now. He also said to me that he would not disappear and he hopes I don't stop talking to him. Sure, it's not an official romantic relationship yet, but it is not "nothing." I can't really expect him to be ready for a relationship now as he is just ending a 10 year plus marriage. Nor do I want to be in a relationship with him if he is not ready.

For my part, I know that I will be good either way, no matter how it works out. I will also always have a place for him in my heart, whether we ever have an official relationship or not. Oh and he does seem to have began an awakening during our separation. It all started with him going through some really horrible events. He also lost nearly everything, including his job, his home, his marriage, a lot of his belongings. He has become spiritual and is now more aware of how things really are than he was before. He is still going through his dark night of the soul and I'm sure there is more to come for him as far as the awakening goes. It's a process and he is still working through it. We'll see how things work out...

[clueless]

Anne, jro5139 Nice to see your usernames again I remember you both

TheMotherKnowsAll, welcome to this forum

I don't know guys, that was my "theory" just wanted to share....

When it comes to "narcissistic people", as anybody who reads about TF I read a lot about them,and to be quite honest, I discovered many of narcissistic traits in me, and even some of my action towards him could be interpret as narcissistic.

Obviously, when I was in purging phase I was sure HE was the narcissistic one, but later I faced the truth that by the books and rules, I also displayed lots of what they call narcissistic traits.

But that is the thing, jro5139 wrote

my twin did actually "come back" after 2 years of separation. I'd be lying if I said I didn't question his motives at times

and I don't think people who came back to person's life have an actual well thought of motive, I believe they just feel compelled to do so, feel drawn to that person for reason they cant even explain.

jro5139 I read your posts way back when, and I read your recent post (I lurk on this forum from time to time hoping to see more familiar names and happy-ending stories :)) and I don't imply in any way that your situation is as my theory.

There are always exception to the real theories, yet alone my anecdotal one.

You are on the higher lever as compared to me, when it comes to this journey, I started with nothing, I wasn't believing in anything spiritual, I was skeptical, closed minded, and closed hearted as well, and I peaked now, but still I cant be on your level,lets say it that way...

There is a formula on how to overcome the hypothetical situation from my "theory".

In order to stay in the frequency of unconditional love you have to, all the time have a vivid idea(feeling, belief) about what that person actually are, beautiful soul and you have to disregard anything that that person does or says to you that is in the contradiction of the ideal version of that person.

So instead of thinking, dwelling, what person is doing now, why they are not acting the way you would like them to act, you have to disregard their current behavior and just hold onto the image, idea, of their beautiful soul.

In order to do that, you have to besides meditation, clearing, staying in the higher vibration, also distract yourself doing other things, rising your vibration on your own.

Then you could ask universe to give you opportunities to cross paths and spend time with that person, but those manifestation should seam not like your desire, but to them like they wanted that.

This "formula" roughly speaking is something Ester Hicks did in her own life in order to transform illusive and untamed Jerry Hicks to a man she spent her life with,
she transformed Jerry from a "unattainable" man to a man who was "join in hips with her" till his last day on Earth.

And she did it without help of Abraham, actually she manifested entities know as Abraham in order for Jerry to find the mysteries of the universe, which was one thing he wanted to know and felt like he was missing out, then Ester manifested it.

She figured out to manifest for them to spend time by doing job that they needed to do, and that was prosperous, but in a way that it seamed to Jerry that it was the only logical next step in their relationship.

She included him in everything she did, gave him more credit than he actually "deserved", made him more important to her work than he actually was, took upon herself to do every task Jerry didn't like to do and she did that without any resentment or anger. Proof of it is that they actually were as she says "joined in hips" together all the time, spend life time together until he passed away.

But Ester would never advice anybody to do what she did, her advice is that there is always lots of cooperative components for everybody and that "fixation" on one person is actually waste of time.

Why does she says this? It is because her way was too hard, the formula is too hard to be executed, and those who can execute it, they can actually magnetize their TF, person who they love and who comes back to their life, forever.

I for one, cant do that. I don't hold the higher image of my TF in my mind, I don't feel anything towards him now, but my thoughts are thoughts of a man who ignored me when I was weeping hungry and desperate and alone...

This is kind of digression, but I just wanted to share with you guys that there is a way to magnetize person who comes back, but it takes some special type of soul to do that job.

Intention behind my thread was just to exchange opinions and see what others think about it.

And most importantly, for people who are maybe in a similar situation to be aware of that there may be a chance that they love person who came back more than the person loves them, and to act accordingly...
To steer some things differently and hopefully avoid being left yet again.

.....
I hope other old members would come back to this forum though, if Aldous or ForgeInFire or others from the year 2016,2017 read this, hope they are fine.

[Questions]

I knew I wasn't a stalker they just loved me too much!!! Lol

[ssdm1]

Hi Clueless, it's good to hear from you.

I like what you've said here and it makes sense to me. Mine comes back to me again, and again, and again, like a boomerang, for decades, yet we never end up in that romantic relationship. What we do have is a strong friendship, one built on decades of shared experiences, childhood history and trust. Even though we may never end up together romantically we do have love for each other.

What I'm learning is that's ok. That a man and women can be great friends. Everyone tells me I should forget him and find someone else, but why would I want to give up on one of the best friends I've ever had just because he's a man and we don't end up in a relationship. To me this is one of the greatest lessons I could learn.

I cherish the friendship he and I have and we will keep it forever.

[Anne]

jro5139-

“I would also say that along the lines of "all we need is love" is that the love we really need should always first come from WITHIN, not from any outside source. That is the only way we can always ensure that we will have it. Anything else is co-dependence.”


I agree. I was thinking of the lyrics of the song, which advocate love of self.
All the best sent to your situation!

clueless - This sub-forum is not quite as active as it once was, but maybe that is a good thing. As you point out, “fixation” on one person sums up to be a detriment in reality...when there is so much else to life, internal and external, out there to be explored.

Also agree with TheMotherKnowsAll... If I was advised then what I know to be true now, what a different world it would be, lol.

[clueless]

Originally Posted by ssdm1

Hi Clueless, it's good to hear from you.

What I'm learning is that's ok. That a man and women can be great friends. Everyone tells me I should forget him and find someone else, but why would I want to give up on one of the best friends I've ever had just because he's a man and we don't end up in a relationship. To me this is one of the greatest lessons I could learn.

I cherish the friendship he and I have and we will keep it forever.

Hey ssdm1 it is good seeing you too

I believe it is impossible to forget person you share soul connection. Forgetting about it would mean dementia or Alzheimer or something. People who expect that or advice that just haven't experienced soul connection.

I haven't forgot mine, it is clear since I'm writing about him right now

However, I stopped feeling anything for him and that is what is important to me, and that is mine proof that I have reset myself to the way I was before I met him.

I don't think I will ever "forget" him. But now I'm in a state when I know every factual detail about him, but I don't have any kind of feelings towards him. Not hate, nor love, nor warm and fuzzy feelings of friendship, nothing.... Its just blank...


If your friend advice you to forget about him means for you to be open to a new people, then that makes more sense.

For 20, from the day one when I heard his voice over the phone, I was closed for anybody else but him. I felt closed for new and people I used to know,
I felt like he is "enough", like he is everything for me, like he is the reason, cause.... I felt like he is my everything...

I used to wrote, I felt like the only important thing in life is being with him, and life felt like a labyrinth and other people are obstacles that are taking me away from him.

I was so closed for other people in every possible way, and I would get so annoyed not even triggered, just annoyed, when somebody would say "there are other people out there for me"....

Yuck, I know how how closed I was. I was wrong. It is obvious that I was placing all that should be placed on ME on him (attention, time, love, worth...)

I'm sure you are not making my mistakes, I'm just stating how I was.

And it took 20 years for me to see how wrong I was.

What did happen to make me realize this? It is hard to say, maybe it was just divine time for me to reset.
It was just that time when I (besides self-analyzing and inner-work) was kind fed up of Ester Hicks (who is wonderful and extremely helpful) talked about that there are lots of cooperative components for each of us, since she was 24/7 with her beloved Jerry for years till the day he died.
Then I just hopped to Teal Swan's teachings and it all clicked. Teal was the first person whose words that there are in fact lots of cooperative components for each of us sounded like a truth.

While doing "shadow work" digging deep down inside of me, I realized that I want to have a real relationships where I feel safe and loved. I didn't want to be little girl tiptoeing around my parents and grandparents trying to get them to notice and see real me, to acknowledge me.

I, before I met him, was a lonely, gloomy, moody, but also goofy, silly person, naive, full of hopes, dreamer, open to new possibilities.
I, before I met him, was living in the moment (even though I didn't know the meaning of that statement back then), I was unconditionally present in the moment back then, when studying I would study, when being around friends I would be with them with all my attention and my hearth.

I, after I met him, was all about him. I was about him. I used to define myself by my relationship (or lack of it) with him. Everything was about him. I was consumed by thoughts, emotions and feelings about him.

I, after I met him, was starting to see everything and everybody like a waste of my time since I'm not with him at that moment. My "reasoning" used to be "would this person or this event, or this thing I should do" lead me to be with him, or closer to him. And the answer was mostly, no. Then I would be slacking off the time I would spend with those people.

For example, spending time with my friends who didn't know him, felt like a chore, like a waste of my precious moments I wanted to spend with him.
However, time spent with my new friend who were his friend too, I saw like a investment into being closer to him, and turned everything to be about him, for them to talk about him and me to absorb and analyze it

Yuck, again.

I was closed for any kind of not just "romantic notion" or relationship, but for any kind of contact with men, since I didn't care of anybody besides him. I didn't believe that there could be a man for me, besides him. I couldn't think of anybody, I couldn't even play with the thought that there are interesting men out there for me...

I before I met him, was full of hopes and I saw the world as a place full of wonderful people I might be connected with.

I after met him, was seeing just him and world of obstacles that divides us, and nothing more...

It took lot of time, and work but eventually I started to wanting to remember who I was before I met him, started to ask for reset and then deciding upon the reset.

There are many cooperative components for everybody out there, I know that now
(even though I haven manifested anybody new yet since I'm not there yet) I don't need physical manifestation to prove that there are lots of cooperative components for everyone.

I know you are not making my mistakes, I wrote this just to share where I was and how I see things now.

Anne exactly.