I hope he's not my TF

FairyCrystal · #1 17-12-2017, 12:06 AM

It's a long read, but I really need to get it fo my chest. I'm so confused about this part of it all...

Now that's it's been a month since he broke up with me, and I'm starting to find more solid ground, I'm beginning to wonder about the whole 16 months I've been with him.
Wondering whether he actually has been honest with me or not. I did trust him, did feel he was totally honest with me, yet I kept having this odd feeling at the same time from the word go. Not when we were together, that is together at my place. I did feel something being off when I was at his place. As if he didn't want to be seen as lovers with me when we went out, even if it was just the supermarket. Yet, he introduced me to his band when they had to play and it was pretty clear then that we had something together. And I have met his daughter, however briefly that may have been.

I'm not going to tell everything, would be too long a story anyways. What I really don't get is that someone can seem so honest and trustworthy, and quite possibly isn't trustworthy nor honest at all? I don't get it.
With me he was always sweet, loving, caring, into me, helpful, supporting and so. Always holding my hand when we went out, or put an arm around my shoulders. Loving, always having an interested in me, even in my past. In short: the ideal partner you'd take home to mommy.

A gazillion other little and bigger things. How could I have been so stupid to fall for a con man AGAIN? Or was he? Maybe HE is confused for whatever reason and maybe with me felt at peace and himself for a change? Like not having to keep up appearances. But then again... Why was he awkward when I was at his place when we went out?
Okay, my gut told me something was off, but I honestly thought it was old fears from having been with a narcissist for 10 years. That seriously messes you up.
What does mess me up now is that at least with the narcissist it was crystal clear. With this man it wasn't. I would almost still vow that he's honest and trustworthy. How is this possible? I do not understand? ANd how do I handle this so it doesn't create more / new fears that will surface in a new relationship?

First I really would've loved to get back together with him, because of the deep connection and I loved him to bits. And that he was that ideal partner. But now... I don't think I'd take him back even if he wanted to. Even though I still love him.
Stupid thing is, I still get signs he IS my TF.

All I can hope is that next time I WILL listen to my intuition and have the strength to cut a man loose as soon as I sense even the slightest thing being off.
Even readings I got from different people were contradicting in nature. From 'dishonest lying man who's leading you on' to 'Twin Flame' and 'the right match and totally wonderful'.

Question remains: how can someone be like that? I can't get my head around it.
And how the heck did I attract yet another odd relationship? I was really doing well when I met him, totally happy, empowered, not even looking for a partner at the time.

ForgedInFire · #2 17-12-2017, 01:31 AM

Oh this sounds familiar. Hence why i made the thread i did yesterday about wanting to sever.( why is it so much easier to help others but when its myself..i dont consider it as much)

Anyways. The thing is i think so many mistake a tf as being this supposed perfect thing when its not that at all. They will do everything from all past relationships that you have not healed from. The ego will kick in and do what i and apparently you are doing "how can this be a tf? when they have done this this and that" This is the big kicker and where atleast my confusion is from.

This may help explain it better https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYj-h2x4e_8

psychegrl · #3 17-12-2017, 02:09 AM

I've had so much confirmation that he is my TF but I'm so over feeling like this. I know I deserve better and yet here I am. Today's been excessively rough.

ForgedInFire · #4 17-12-2017, 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psychegrl

I've had so much confirmation that he is my TF but I'm so over feeling like this. I know I deserve better and yet here I am. Today's been excessively rough.

you too? ugh today is one of the worst in awhile. Cant wait for this retrograde to get over with!

lunapixie · #5 17-12-2017, 04:35 AM

This is what you said to me when I was going through a hard time and needed help and support:

“Maybe letting go of the idea he is your TF will help... If he'd be your TF he wouldn't be able to stay away from you. TFs can't, the pull, connection and love is too strong.”

I will leave you with your own words as my reply to your post. By the way, now you know how I felt back then. Not that I wish that kind of pain on anybody. As a matter of fact, I hope he is NOT your TF.

jro5139 · #6 17-12-2017, 08:48 AM

Wow fairy, I related a lot to your post. After everything that has happened, I have some qualms about this whole tf theory, and the way it's portrayed on websites. And after reading this forum for the last little over a year, I have come to some conclusions.
All this saying a "tf can't be this or that" is off, all this telling people they aren't tfs because this or that is off... at this point my thinking is going the other way... if people think and feel that they have a connection, they probably do. But who's to say this connection is supposed to be, or is even capable of being all good, all the time. Who's to say that a tf can't be abusive, lying, cheating, whatever... I mean who said that and how do they know? Do we believe them? Why?
In my opinion, a tf can be whatever it takes to wake you up, get you to the lessons you needed, get you to where you needed to be.... whatever that takes.

In my case, the purpose of this connection was to wake me (and him) up, it's just unfortunate that I was this dense that it took what it took. But there's no doubt in my mind he is/was my tf, or at least one of them.
That doesn't mean I want him back. And I still love him, always will, but part of me (my pride?) doesn't want him back. And that doesn't mean I don't have other, very strong soul connections out there.

You are learning to trust you intuition, and that's about everyone, including people you listen to. All these psychic readings are iffy, I doubt the future can truly be pinpointed anyway given that timelines are subject to change based on our decisions.
I only ever got one psychic reading about my tf, and the psychic said some things that my tf repeated to me, word for word, the next time I saw him, without me prompting him to. But he was also wrong about other things.

The signs? I suppose it depends on what signs you see, but I think we are too quick to assume that signs mean some fairly tale ending. They don't, they just mean you are on the right path. I still see numbers, all the time, everyday. But who's to say they are about tfs at all.

FairyCrystal · #7 17-12-2017, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lunapixie

This is what you said to me when I was going through a hard time and needed help and support:

“Maybe letting go of the idea he is your TF will help... If he'd be your TF he wouldn't be able to stay away from you. TFs can't, the pull, connection and love is too strong.”

I will leave you with your own words as my reply to your post. By the way, now you know how I felt back then. Not that I wish that kind of pain on anybody. As a matter of fact, I hope he is NOT your TF.

Yes, and I still stand by those words.
It's not really the TF part that's bothering me either. It's "How can someone be like this?"
Was he really dishonest? And if so, then how could I pick up he was trustworthy? Have I been so blind or did he really come with two totally different 'aspects' so to speak.
I suppose these questions and doubts bother me so much because I came out of a relationship with a narcissist where there's also lie upon lie, cheating, and behaviour that sometimes struck me as schizophrenic.
I almost feel like "Did I fall for something similar again??" Yet, I cannot believe that. If his love hadn't been real, I'd have picked up on that. I know that. He really did love me and really did care deeply.
Doesn't change the fact that my intuition did go to red alert at times about other things.
I don't get how these two so different aspects fit together. That's what's bothering me and confusing me, not the TF part.

FairyCrystal · #8 17-12-2017, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

you too? ugh today is one of the worst in awhile. Cant wait for this retrograde to get over with!

Oh, yes. I'd forgotten about that concerning this. I suppose it works on thoughts and stuff too.
I'm not a fan of Mercury retrograde either...

FairyCrystal · #9 17-12-2017, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForgedInFire

Oh this sounds familiar. Hence why i made the thread i did yesterday about wanting to sever.( why is it so much easier to help others but when its myself..i dont consider it as much)

Anyways. The thing is i think so many mistake a tf as being this supposed perfect thing when its not that at all. They will do everything from all past relationships that you have not healed from. The ego will kick in and do what i and apparently you are doing "how can this be a tf? when they have done this this and that" This is the big kicker and where atleast my confusion is from.

This may help explain it better https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYj-h2x4e_8

I am not worried about severing or not. Also not thinking "How can a TF do this?"
Right now I'm thinking "How can he be like that?" and "Why address the issues head on when alarm bells went off?"
Apparently I hadn't learnt that lesson yet?
The TF bond doesn't bother me so much really. If that needs dealing with, I'll do so when the time comes. Which isn't now.

ForgedInFire · #10 17-12-2017, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Oh, yes. I'd forgotten about that concerning this. I suppose it works on thoughts and stuff too.
I'm not a fan of Mercury retrograde either...

Uh huh. i didnt forget. probably because the day it went retrograde guess who invaded my dreamspace?.. mhm .. tf. Oh man today has been the worst for me in quite a while. bad enough that i am just bla about everything and cant even focus or do anything its so overwhelming.