Depersonalization

[cdoliveira]

Any tips on how to deal with it or why it happens?

Not really worried on understanding why this happens in the first place. I've been experiencing them since I was 8 years old and it is kind of "normal" to me - expect now they are getting more and more intense, and more frequent too...

Guess it must have something to do with the fact that I no longer enjoy my job and feel like leaving it - but I can't at the moment. And it kind of feels like my decisions are not exactly mine anymore

[weareunity]

Dear cdoliveira.

I have just looked it up on Wikipedia.org. The info there seems comprehensive. I see that the condition is described there as a disorder. Personally I would call it more as being an experience.--Not necessarily a pleasant or comfortable experience however. I certainly did not find it so through all my teenage years. Actually really frightening as I was away at school when the experience first began, and nobody to whom I turned had any idea of what I was trying to describe, including the school medics and subsequently a psychiatrist. This was 60 years ago and understanding seems to have grown. I wish that I had had the Wikipedia entry for reference at that time as it would have helped me to understand something of what was going on. Instead I think that I gradually became used to it and accepted it as my norm in a certain sense, but certainly now experienced more as an interest in observing and thinking rather than being alarmingly detached. Not saying however that this experience necessarily provides anything other than considerable food for thought whilst trying to figure out what's going on inside your own head.

All the best. pete

[ribiq]

I always find anything involving the breath to be helpful when I'm dealing with what you're talking about, and many other states of awareness that aren't what I'd consider comfortable or baseline. In general, I think mindfulness is a good model to use in this kind of situation, and the breath in particular not only helps on a physiological level, but it also ties you to the present moment. When I rest my awareness on my breath, I'm far less impacted by things I can't change at the moment (like parts of my job that I don't like), there's less concern about the future and the past... In practicing simple breath awareness, I think people often come to find that a lot of their problems are alleviated just by becoming more aware of the breath all the time. But it could be anything that draws you more into the present moment

You might also try different grounding exercises, food, physical exercise, etc. -- things to bring your awareness more fully into your body

And if you're overwhelmed by these experiences, definitely don't hesitate to talk to a professional (counselor/psychiatrist/etc.) about them, even as a short-term thing

[hallow]

Originally Posted by cdoliveira

Any tips on how to deal with it or why it happens?

Not really worried on understanding why this happens in the first place. I've been experiencing them since I was 8 years old and it is kind of "normal" to me - expect now they are getting more and more intense, and more frequent too...

Guess it must have something to do with the fact that I no longer enjoy my job and feel like leaving it - but I can't at the moment. And it kind of feels like my decisions are not exactly mine anymore

I am not sure if I know exactly what you mean. Are you feeling like one of the crowd? Just another face? Or am I completely wrong?

[Shivani Devi]

I can only go by personal experience, and how I am personally affected by certain things which don't affect others...yet, this is also one way out of depersonalisation.

For example, I have CPTSD (on top of my Autism) and certain things will give me a full blown panic attack... right there, on the spot and the main trigger or the main tipping point, seems to be when anybody questions my actions or my motives, thus forcing me to be held "responsible" and "accountable" (to everybody else EXCEPT myself) when I am NOT..and that is a personal strength and not a personal weakness.

See, my parents and my ex husband were the classic interrogator, controlling personality types..whenever I would do ANYTHING...even go to the bathroom, I would get; "what are you doing?"..."where are you going?"..."how long will you be?" Thing is, society can ask personal questions like that, because "mind your own f***ing business" is considered to be a very rude and offensive response.

There is also this thing (or there was when I was growing up) that "insanity" is defined by not knowing the difference between "right" and "wrong" - when all that was a matter of subjective, personal perspective and opinion ANYWAY...and also, not taking any responsibility for the things we do...and of COURSE we don't, because responsibility comes with endless justifications, and people are less interested in finding out the reasons for your actions and more interested in getting their foot inside your mental door and trying to steal and vampire your energy, by telling you all the reasons you may have for performing that action is based upon a faulty premise, according to THEM...and then they want to sit there and argue with you for half an hour, stopping you from performing any action WHATSOEVER, which is what they want.

...and this is why I have panic attacks. Thank God the "age of entitlement" happened when it did...I would have preferred it 40 years ago, but oh well, better late than never...So "because I am fully entitled to under the law" has become my answer for anybody seeking justification for my actions...However, I had to totally lose myself and find a "different self" to get to the point that I am at now...and I guess the reason why people behave like they do, is because they had parents who confused "consideration" with "interrogation" then, whenever you say "I am sorry, but that is private", the parent will go "I raised you to be honest...What are you hiding from me?...You are hiding something and I MUST know what that is...I MUST!...only criminals and the mentally insane keep secrets from their families" and so, if I wanted any kind of personality, I would have to admit to being one or the other, ONLY to shut my parents up and stop the verbal barrage of gaslighting abuse....in the end, after telling people what they WANTED to hear, so they would leave me alone to "do my own thing", I learned how to totally depersonalise and disassociate as a mental and emotional "survival mechanism"...It has its spiritual benefits though, and being able to totally lose the attachment to the ego is the main one, when one can insult, depreciate and abuse oneself SO much, and yet, there is no emotions attached.. because years of verbal abuse has caused an almost TOTAL desensitisation to take place and in a way, that is very good...It clears the path ahead so much easier...However "having a job" will be difficult, unless I become SELF employed.

'Depersonalization' is a call to self.

As Shivani Devi so Masterfully demonstrated, when one feels this, especially over time, the perceptual context points to ONE conclusion - that self is being denied.

Don't let it be. BE.

[weareunity]

Hello all, --and especially those who have unexpectedly had/continue to experience what contemporary psychologists term "depersonalisation disorder".--a description which--as mentioned in my earlier post does not necessarily need to be described as a disorder--IMO.

Quoting briefly from the Wikipedia article on the subject--also mentioned as a reference earlier--in one of the sub sections to that reference there is mention of some persons who may be well known to others-- though not to me in fact as I am not well read--who have or do have similar experience of this state of mind.

One such is someone called Suzanne Segal, whom the reference speaks of with words to this effect:-

(she) also had such experience herself and interpreted it through the lens of Buddhism as a spiritual experience commonly called Satori ( Japanese Buddhism) or Samadhi. As Satori this is explained as being the experience of Kensho.

Now, if a person were to be totally unaware of such explanation of what might perhaps be called a state of mind to which a more knowledgeable person might be in some sense seeking to achieve, then the experience for the unexpecting person will surely be surprise and anxiety rather than finding.--at least initially.

In this case there is evidently some reason to label the experience as a disorder--at least initially. However, if the unexpecting person is able to subsequently become accustomed to the experience, then that label will no longer be applicable I think.

pete

[LadyMay]

As someone who has experienced various levels of dissociation, from basic zoning out to completely forgetting my own identity, I can say it happens as a result of anxiety or stress. It's some kind of maladapted coping mechanism where the brain just shuts down. Well, I think it's that way in my case anyway. It could be different for others.

[weareunity]

Dear AraceliCianna.

As you say in the last part of your post, we cannot be certain that the causes of this experience will be the same in every case. I also wonder, how we can actually compare one persons experience to that of another person?

However, let us say that we are able to construct a broad brush description of the experience which we choose to name "depersonalisation", and putting aside for the moment questions regarding the cause/s which brings/bring about the subsequent effect, what is this altered state trying to achieve? Is it trying to protect by shutting down for example? Is it perhaps "rewiring" for the purpose of opening up an alternative perception to that previously used to provide the lens to a supposed reality, for example?

Whilst realising that both these examples are hypothetical wonderings, if they were to be so, then in either case the sudden transformation experienced by the person concerned would be--and in my own experience was--alarming.
However, if I had been perhaps following a path of practice over a period of time which itself made gradual changes in the "wiring" which had the similar effect of change in perception or the shutting down of some problematic area of brain activity which necessarily hindered a change in perception, or both, it
seems possible that the incremental nature of the process in such a case would act as a preparation for that transformation which could then be experienced without anxiety and alarm.

Suggesting that there may be good reason to look at the experience in the way in which Suzanne Segal--referenced in my previous post--chose to do.

Perhaps it is possible that what is presumed to be only possible to experience as a result of directed practice over time may actually happen in certain circumstances with no conscious determination whatsoever--quite why and how may not be yet understood, but the "result" may be similar---if that resulting experience can be accommodated in the mind in which it occurs suddenly without conscious volition.

pete

[Shivani Devi]

Of course, as I mature with age and grow into my spirituality, I tend to notice the subconscious "motives" of others when it comes to depersonalising me... and a Christmas baking session with my mother, is a great example of this...The total farsical hilarity of it would make for a very amusing sitcom.

My mother is overly cautious and careful about everything!...every...Little...detail of every little thing...enough to drive even the sanest person into total insanity!

A stroke 20 years ago has left her totally paralysed, so I am the one who must do all the mixing, cooking and baking, while she hangs around "supervising"..but she totally preempts every thought..every action I perform, inserting her own instructions every step of the way.

It's not like I have never made cocoa crackles or even a fruit cake before..in fact, I am pretty good at cooking and baking..better than she is, although she would never admit that.

So I go to heat up the copha in the microwave oven...she goes "only put it in the microwave for 30 seconds...You must be careful not to overheat the copha" and I am like 'thanks..but I know".

Then, she goes " you need to make sure the dry mixture is coated evenly..be careful when you mix it..and put it in the refrigerator as soon as you do that" and I am like "yes mum, thanks..but I know"..

So, she asks me to make a cake, using an electric mixer to blend the ingredients.."be careful not to have the mixer on too high, or the cake mix will splatter everywhere"....of course, I say "yeah, thanks for the advice, but I am already aware of that".

So, I get out the mixer and I say to her.."I will use the electric mixer on ONE condition...That you don't go into the loungeroom while I am mixing it, then attempt to talk to me from the next room while the mixer is on, then abuse me and tell me that I am going deaf because I cannot hear a single word you say...Okay?"

I mean, if she could follow me into the bathroom, she would tell me the "correct way" to empty my bladder...It is THAT bad! ...but she has always been like this...It is just getting worse as she ages and I can't really say anything, because I would tell her "if you want everything done "your way or the highway"..do it yourself!"...but she cannot.

So, instead, I said "do you trust me?... can't you let me just do this? I AM fully capable, you know..I know things..I may even SURPRISE you with what I can do!"

Then, of course she says "no, I do not trust you..and surprise me? I doubt it!"

To which I said " that is because, for my whole LIFE, you have never... NEVER given me any effing OPPORTUNITY to...It is way past the time that must change, because I just can't exist like this anymore!..I can't deal with your negative cr*p anymore... ENOUGH!"

Suffice to say, she scowled at me and huffed off into her room and now I have the kitchen all to myself! YAY!

....but from the examples I give in this thread, people can plainly see how the whole depersonalisation syndrome happens and what causes it..

..... and no matter what anybody else says, I KNOW that other people are responsible for the way I feel and act...It does NOT come from within myself, I do NOT "attract it" and there are no "lessons" to be learned from it and I do NOT need to look within myself to find out the reasons why others treat me the way they do.. because THEY have the problems, I don't.