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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Religions & Faiths > Paganism

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  #11  
Old 23-08-2016, 12:31 AM
shadowwolf74 shadowwolf74 is offline
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had my guide azrael at first until i banished him odin came first now azrael is back after i went towards the underworld then came back to him as he came through my mom to hint at me at who he was then i restarted upper world shamanisim where eventually in purgatory azrael got me out and then odin spoke to me showed me past lives of service to him in asgaurd and service done in the upper worlds so things made sense to me afterwards a little bit but still am struggling with the deep states of astral projection to meet with odin. to get questions answered
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  #12  
Old 03-09-2016, 05:36 AM
SerpentSun SerpentSun is offline
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This thread made my heart beat fast and my eyes almost water. I don't know what I am, the words "shaman" and "healer" feel right sometimes, but I'm afraid to apply them to myself. My uncle calls me a "psychic", my mate, mother-in-law, and 5 year old nephew call me a "witch". I just know that I ain't normal.

Warning: I apologize in advance if I just go on a long monologue. Gotta vent a couple things.

My family has a history of addiction, abuse, depression, and witchcraft dating back to the 1800s. My own mom, bless her soul, is just narcissistic and verbally abusive. And she does hit occasionally. I've always been the odd one out, the one who read textbooks, played in the woods, talked to animals, had no friends....Except the animals and trees ARE my friends.

I always loved the wild woods as a kid. I played with dogs, frogs, cats, worms, ladybugs, slugs, snakes, mice, etc more than any human friend. Always had a hard time connecting to my own species.

Research and reading are also lifelong hobbies. I like to know everything about everything. As a little kid, it was ancient history and the natural sciences. Anatomy, biology, ecology, and geology. My interest in history led me to anthropology and the occult in middle school.

At that point, 9-13 years of age, I had no interest in shamanism. Mostly just the ancient written religions of Egypt and Sumeria. But my knowledge of anatomy and biology led me to study medicine in middle school, and my parents always did encourage me to become a doctor. But I quckly grew disdainful of modern medical practices; our bodies evolved to live a certain way within our ecosystem, and we shouldn't ingest chemicals that don't occur naturally on Earth. So I've eschewed all manmade pharmaceuticals since the age of 11.

I actually grew pretty disdainful of modern society in general when I was that age. Didn't grow out of it, isn't a phase. I just realized at a young age that humans are murdering ecosystems, poisoning their bodies, and falling for the dumbest schemes to screw them out of money. We're too crowded. I've always had an urge to live sustainably, in a guarded community of close loved ones, healing them and the other little creatures. It sounds kinda silly.

But I never really took natural healing seriously until a few years ago. I mean I believe it works; after studying anatomy, botany, and ecology, I know animals return naturally to balance when in a balanced habitat. I just hadn't considered making healing a habit.

Through middle school and high school, I avoided illness and injury by chance. I can't say I ever physically suffered much, but I suffered alone. My worst injuries weren't until after graduation. No, my teen years were spent in my head. I struggled through deep loneliness, rage toward my fellow humans, fear and anguish for my loved ones in such a poisonous plastic world....But I'm starting to climb out of that hole.

A few years ago, I took a renewed interest in herbalism. I've also studied bonesetting, wound closure, and foreign body removal, though I hate to ever test those skills. There's just this strong urge to learn the art of physical, mental, and spiritual healing. No clue why.

Late last year, I also had a renewed interest in history, anthropology, and theology. The truths and mysteries of the oldest literate cultures not deep enough anymore, I delved into what little we know of prehistory. There I found meaning, understanding, the sustainable lifestyle I've been seeking. Only the tribal lifestyle has survived for 500,000 years.

I guess I'm what you'd call a "primitivist", "rewilder", "deep ecologist". And in researching prehistoric spirituality, I finally came across shamanism and the shamanistic crisis. The culmination of my eco-radical beliefs and call to healing. But I'm so afraid to apply these labels to myself, afraid people might think I'm crazy. They already do.

I've always had "visions", seen "spirits", cared for other creatures, attracted fires....But are these experiences real? Couldn't it just be schizoid personality disorder? With my strange primitive ways, love for nature, distaste for large societies, and talk of spirits, I'm sure many could find something wrong with me....Sometimes I just wanna be normal.

But my new "diagnosis" of initiatory sickness gives me hope. When I labelled myself bipolar, autistic, paranoid, etc, I felt broken. There was something inherently wrong about me that needed fixed. But now I've accepted my call to healing, my beliefs as valid, my struggles as challenges to make me stronger. It gives me the strength and serenity to face my demons. Maybe I'm not meant to be a healer, or anything important at all, but believing that helps me do good by my life. I only hurt others when I'm hurting inside.

Am I a shaman? I guess it depends on what you mean by that term. Like I said, some may call me a witch, psychic, or lunatic. I think a shaman would have to be a better person than I am.
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  #13  
Old 03-09-2016, 05:56 AM
SerpentSun SerpentSun is offline
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But I do apologize for the long rant. I've just needed to vent about these strange experiences to a community that might understand. I know I sound absolutely nuts haha. I'm probably nothing special. But I meditate upon my questions and pray for answers, which are sometimes both funny and scary. I've accomplished more believing I'm a healer than I ever did believing I was a patient.

I'm learning happiness now. I have a new baby niece, I found a lover who is the water to my fire, and I may actually have a future. Life is relatively good. My most grievous injuries were in the past couple years, but those were jusf tests for my healing skills. I'm alive and well.

I live like a little animal now. Hunting and gathering food, brewing teas to cure illness, running barefoot through the woods, living as a nomad in the midwest US. I feel God in every breath, stone, and feather. Until my mom calls up complaining. Am I a shaman? Who knows. I just wanna hurry and help myself so I can better help others.
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  #14  
Old 03-09-2016, 06:22 AM
Rozie Rozie is offline
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@SerpentSun....You are definitely doing something. You were guided to learn about all those subjects that you listed. A person needs to know the basics and you were learning your basics.

Labels are not always helpful because they attempt to define you.

All I know is that what you describe is a variation of what is common among people with a calling. That could be Shamanism, or something similar, or witchcraft. It sounds more like that.

I don't like to call myself a witch because I don't like the way people perceive it but others who do, practice in ways that are very similar to what you describe. I do too. I have my own ways, but a lot of the elements are similar. There are things we need to learn about depending on our specialty and you are learning your things and exploring your gifts and it is a never ending education.

You are something special. Right now, a lot of people are. Everybody is. A person can be on a mundane path and be specially gifted in what they do. We are not on a mundane path. That's all. You specialize.
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  #15  
Old 03-09-2016, 06:59 AM
SerpentSun SerpentSun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rozie
@SerpentSun....You are definitely doing something. You were guided to learn about all those subjects that you listed. A person needs to know the basics and you were learning your basics.

Labels are not always helpful because they attempt to define you.

All I know is that what you describe is a variation of what is common among people with a calling. That could be Shamanism, or something similar, or witchcraft. It sounds more like that.

I don't like to call myself a witch because I don't like the way people perceive it but others who do, practice in ways that are very similar to what you describe. I do too. I have my own ways, but a lot of the elements are similar. There are things we need to learn about depending on our specialty and you are learning your things and exploring your gifts and it is a never ending education.

You are something special. Right now, a lot of people are. Everybody is. A person can be on a mundane path and be specially gifted in what they do. We are not on a mundane path. That's all. You specialize.

Thank you. I badly needed some validation that these experiences, this calling, it's all real. I'm so afraid to accept it just because I don't want others to think I'm "delusional". Thanks for taking the time to reply, and not being put off by my long post. Peace be with you!
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  #16  
Old 03-09-2016, 12:06 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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If one doesn't put a label on themselves, somebody else will. There is no escaping it. What defines you is you - label or not.

I could call myself a 'shaman' and shut everything up or call myself 'nothing' and have myself forever asking "so, besides being consciousness, awareness, love and 'God in human form' what the hell am I?"

See, even putting the 'God' label on me through the whole association bit didn't work either. However, when I acknowledged myself as being a shaman, it was like a huge weight had been removed from my mind and soul.

A shaman doesn't have to be 'special' or 'enlightened' because everybody does have the ability really, it just requires special circumstances to forge it and bring it out.

In the end, it becomes a case of "I am what I am" even though what I am is a shaman. Now, whether people believe it, accept it, don't like it, think I am crazy etc is totally immaterial to me because, well and for the most part, they breathe and spirits do not.

Most people generally give me a wide berth, hate me, look upon me with disdain...until they need my help and then everything changes.

Eventually, I accepted the label and embraced it. If it limits me, I enjoy these limitations (sometimes), but other times, trust me...it's more of a curse than a blessing...or it's a blessing in the disguise of a curse...or whatever. lol

I also know that no other labels will stick to me for very long either and being a 'Hindu' stuck for a while 'a believer in God' stuck for a while...I blame my parents for giving me my 'name label' shortly after birth.

If I didn't have a name, nobody would know me, would they?

So, I will self-admit in the face of all adversity because it's my way and my path - and it's not an easy road to take.

So, if I make your eyes burn or the puke comes up into your mouth, I am sorry - I tend to give that reaction to most people except for a select few.
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  #17  
Old 03-09-2016, 04:33 PM
SerpentSun SerpentSun is offline
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@The Necromancer
I think I get what you mean. People hating you until they need your help. As nice and caring as I tried to be, people always just seem unsettled by me until they want my aid or advice. A few friends in high school said I had "strong energy", but I thought they were crackpots at the time. I always thought my geekiness and hippie ways bothered people haha.

I read something about getting bit by snakes. My Earthly body never got bit, but I had the most absolutely disturbingly vivid dream of a timber rattlesnake bite. Even experienced symptoms I didn't know about until I researched it afterward. And is there some kind of association between shamanism, witchcraft, and fire....? Sometimes this stuff can be so confusing.

But acknowledging that I'm "something" does take a weight off my chest. I do often wish I was just "normal", but I simply ain't. So it helps believing my challenges are to make me stronger. Maybe someday I'll be strong enough to help others.
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  #18  
Old 05-09-2016, 06:58 AM
norseman norseman is offline
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It ought to be remembered that shamanic practices were common right across Eurasia south of the glacier line in the last Ice Age. American shamanism came from that line. There are some paths using shamanic practices, the commonest one being the Cunning Folk to commune with the ancestors in UK and Northern Europe. It is a mistake to attach a cultural implication since it was wide-spread to many cultures.
One pointer to shamanic practices in the UK come from excavations of Star Carr in North. Yorks. This was a settlement dated at around 10000 BC BEFORE Britain became an island. It was built on marshy land at the confluence of several rivers. The nature of the land preserved the remains of the settlement. One major find there consisted of 12 deer skull headresses [ below ] In the 19 century, Victorian explorers found the same headresses being used by shaman in Siberia.

Star Carr excavation
http://i282.photobucket.com/albums/k...psidupfdij.png
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  #19  
Old 28-11-2016, 11:17 PM
bluewolf bluewolf is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Hello, everybody, I've been experiencing an undefined call during some periods of my life, but lately it has become so strong, I can't handle it. I started reading about shamanism and everything that has happened to me makes sense, however, I feel confused since the call has somehow gone ( but not completely) today. It's like being abondoned. That's why I wanted to share some of my experience with you and ask for advice.
When I was a child, I couldn't sleep because of the things I was seeing, I was also visited by ghosts once and had very strange dreams.This stopped while I was growing up, but when I turned 17 I started having vivid lucid dreams and sleep paralysis out of nowhere. I was visited by some creatures in my dreams, including 3 human-like, who told me my knowledge was threatening their existence and are here to destroy me, 2 aliens who tried to kidnap me out of my bed but got scared when I look them in the eyes and disappeared, a very powerful demonic creature, who tried to suck my soul out several times etc. Fortunately, I manage to deal with it. Anyway, in the course of almost a year this stopped.
Last year, I used to have severe problems with drugs, tried to kill myself and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Since then I'm on the edge of getting totally mad and on other hand becoming more and more conscious. I started writing strange poetry, based on the things I see, and sometimes I draw in the same manner, even though I don't have the talent for this.
This summer I was in the nature, got high, and felt like a different creature, completely pure, I heard a voice, which was my voice but on a higher level, telling me I have to become a shaman. I've been ignoring it since then, because I was too focused on my art, but know I feel like it is the time. However, "the silence" of the call, I mentioned at the beginning, is completely confusing and terrifying me, and I have no idea what to do.
Sorry, if I was too long, but I really need some guidance...Thank you. :)
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  #20  
Old 25-12-2016, 03:33 PM
Rozie Rozie is offline
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Based on my own experience, there are common themes that we recognize in others.

Necro talks about being treated poorly, and I don't know what else is going on but I know roughly what is going on. It is real, but hard to navigate. I have difficulties too. It isn't easy. Some people don't have as rough of a time as you do. Much of what you say is right on. There are things that I would view differently but not disagree with.

You are God in human form. So am I. In my opinion everybody is, but less aware.

Some are born to do this work. That is why we are here, so I don't think it is a choice. We have a choice about how we handle it.

Understanding that this is real is important for our self-esteem. I know it is but the naysayers don't get it. They can't.

I don't label myself in any way. I don't like labels and I find them to be limiting. That is personal preference.

If someone needs my help, they will find me. Sometimes another person is more appropriate for someone. My ways may not be the best fit.

@Bluewolf. To me it seems like you need help. I write poetry or spells as I call them. I draw as well, you know, pictures that draw themselves. It does take work and practice to develop techniques and improve. I have been through that. It sounds like magic to me. That could be witchcraft or shamanism or both. They can be the same but you don't know what your purpose is. That takes time.. Your experiences were part of the process. That is what concerns me. An experience may seem very real, and it is, but it is illusion at the same time. There is a purpose for the experience. It is to mess with your head. That is how changes are made, the kind of changes that give you abilities or can lead to madness. You don't want option number 2. That is a very real danger. You were channeling that voice and don't trust it. You can't trust spirits as a rule, or what they say, at least until you get a grasp on how to discern. You need protection..You might want to research that.
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