Great vibe but all for nothing?

A couple of months ago, I had a routine exchange with an employee at a store I frequent. Immediately afterwards I felt great. I ended up getting in touch with her and she was so open and friendly. I seen her only a few times until she introduced me to some of her siblings. She had warned me earlier that she had an issue with trusting people. I inadvertently made a mistake that wouldn't affect most people but with her it was too much. I guess she got scared and felt the only solution was to distance herself from me.

It doesn't really make sense why our paths would cross with so much promise
only to have things end like this. There was nothing to be learned it just seems have been a mistake.

Some people are just sociable and friendly but at a whiff of relationship demands, pull away. Could be to do with their history, could be because they see a nuisance event on the horizon - or it could be they just want to stay free.

I sometimes cast myself in this light. I like to think I'm sociable (I'm not the judge of that). I'll go on quasi-dates - lunch at the pub, café, but tend to draw away if the signs suggest more is expected. I do have a b/f of sorts but he's resolving more as a very good friend. It could be a courtship - depends how long it lasts. I tend to put a lot into the work I do which does bring me into contact with a few people.

So I suppose it depends what your motives are and how she interprets them from your body language. How she interpreted that "mistake". Might be an idea just to go on being friendly, give her a wave, a hello in passing. Give it time and patience.

♥

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Some people are just sociable and friendly but at a whiff of relationship demands, pull away. Could be to do with their history, could be because they see a nuisance event on the horizon - or it could be they just want to stay free.

I sometimes cast myself in this light. I like to think I'm sociable (I'm not the judge of that). I'll go on quasi-dates - lunch at the pub, café, but tend to draw away if the signs suggest more is expected. I do have a b/f of sorts but he's resolving more as a very good friend. It could be a courtship - depends how long it lasts. I tend to put a lot into the work I do which does bring me into contact with a few people.

So I suppose it depends what your motives are and how she interprets them from your body language. How she interpreted that "mistake". Might be an idea just to go on being friendly, give her a wave, a hello in passing. Give it time and patience.

♥

Lorelyen - hello!
This is very good advice for the OP! Agreed.
I feel like you about most of the blokes I've dated since my divorce. I'm sort of seeing someone who is interested but respects my position and doesn't obnoxiously press me, and if he turns out to just be a good friend then that's fine. We'll see how it plays out.

I need good friends of both sexes LOADS more than I would ever need sex with relative strangers I've only known for a few weeks or months. I think this is true for most women. Regarding women, men need to worry a lot more about their character and who they are and what they stand for. As well as what they can honestly offer in a relationship, and what that looks like. That it's not all about them and what they want from a woman...that it's much more that they need to be the man a woman would want in her life as a friend full stop, and only then maybe as a partner. That there's no guarantee of sex...and that sexual intimacy depends for many women on the presence a deeper love and compatibility -- which is rare, frankly.

Casual partnering sexually is way too invasive and demanding of my autonomy, my time, my body, and my independence. If I partner with someone, it has to be real and mutual and equally respecful of me, my family (son), and my needs and considerations. They don't get to run things...it would have to be a real partnership. So, that would take time, and I'm never in a rush.

It helps that I have my own work, a strong heart and character (don't let the baby face fool you hahaha), and a lot of energy, so I'll be good

Peace & blessings
7L

[CrystalSong]

It can be hard to see through people's various guises to what's underneath which is what we'd want to be in relationship with. Some times it takes several years even to see through the public persona. Often people don't even know what they are under the 'work guide' the 'family guide' the 'go to church guise' the 'social outing with friends' guise and so on.

It would seem you stirred something under her guises and that scared her. Probably not 'you" but the actuality of the self underneath all the guises. Many of us don't know ourselves at all, just our guises, so when we get a glimpse of some other self we feel like we're not in control and run from the situation that allowed us a peek inside.

[Raziel]

Her warning you that she had an issue is a positive sign although again without knowing the full details it's hard to read into her motives.

I would say that the fact that you got as far as you did with her means that there is some sort of spark between you & it sounds like she pre-warned you to try to stop you from doing something ahead of time.

I'm curious as to what you have done next - her pushing you away could be a test to see just how bothered you are about her. Some people don't have the same voice inside their head that they do when they speak - they don't have a monologue they just react & can't rationalise the way others can.

If you are really bothered then maybe flowers at work, texts or a letter explaining that it's unfair to you both for her to push away someone who genuinely cares about her. Your not a robot with a programme to follow so you may say the wrong thing from time to time but the intention is never negative...

Sometimes people just cross your path & you move on. It might be a lesson in romance for you or for her but if you really like her don't give up on her yet. Some idiot may have really messed her about in the past - don't let him ruin her future with you.

[heartsound]

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

Sometimes people just cross your path & you move on. It might be a lesson in romance for you or for her but if you really like her don't give up on her yet. Some idiot may have really messed her about in the past - don't let him ruin her future with you.

I like

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by HeartSound

I like

I have my moments (although I think it comes from elsewhere) - but thank you

I recently contacted her to try to get some feedback. The explanation she gave is very strange she said she was only being polite during the times I spent with her. She said she never had a good time with me. Yet her earlier messages say the exact opposite.

[Raziel]

I'd say that she is deliberately pushing you away, especially if there were messages to the contrary.

If for example there were a few dates that went well, then you met siblings of hers .. then this mistake happened I would say that she has simply cut off from feeling anything towards you.

If you on the other hand you essentially had one real date where other people never really gave you both space then it's possible that she wasn't into you & who knows what her reasoning here is.

If there was genuine potential here & she initially showed you lots of clear signs that she liked you, texts or phone calls that she initiated then she is acting as though she can't trust you after this mistake.

It would be interesting to know what the mistake was but obviously that's your business not anyone else's. If your example she was quite shy of intimacy & you were a gentleman (as you should be) but then on the 3rd date you tried to kiss her then perhaps there has been something traumatic in her life that flipped a switch once you became dominant (so to speak).

Flowers or whatever I suggested earlier in the thread could still bring this all back around with a little note saying that you have all the time in the world if she's willing to try again - but you need to ask yourself if it is worth it.

Sometimes people can have issues that even they can't understand fully so it is impossible for another person to grasp the magnitude until they do themselves.

[heartsound]

Originally Posted by knightoflenity

Flowers or whatever I suggested earlier in the thread could still bring this all back around with a little note saying that you have all the time in the world if she's willing to try again - but you need to ask yourself if it is worth it.

wow that is going all out. have you done this before and what were the results?