Is this love that I'm feeling?

[psychoslice]

Originally Posted by Saggi

So if battles go on inside the relationship does it mean I still have issues to deal with, or I'm just deciding whether or not to bother?

What they can give doesn't bother me, it's the honesty and deception.

If they love me is it about what I can do for them that proves it? No!

So if they love me why the battles, why do I feel I have to prove it, keep the relationship alive, regardless of whether they sit back and let it rot or not.

Why do I feel guilty if it's on the road to failure? And take the blame when it's handed out?

If I'm not bothered one way or the other why am I questioning what's right or wrong?

Is the relationship aspect important in the love aspect, if not, then I know my path!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

If battles are still going on in a relationship it means that there is still expectations from one or the other, one wants the other to see it their way, in love we discuss and listen to each other, we no longer fight and act neurotically. You say that what they give doesn't bother you, but its the honesty and deception, isn't the honesty and deception given to you from the other, if they truly love you they don't need anything from you, love is unconditional. They may say that they love you but they simply don't know what love is, if they did there would be no battles, not in the sense of fighting that is, that's still immaturity, love has not yet been allowed. Guilt is always from the past, its fear, if you are fearing of losing them then you are still away from true love, as they say, love lets the other be, love lets the other go.
If your not bothered one way or the other, then yes why are you still questioning, it means that you are still caught in between what is and what isn't, you have one foot on either side but you cannot serve two masters, its either one or the other, to be in this double mind is to be nothing but in schizophrenic thinking.
No relationship will last without true love, so its not a question of importance, to say that a relationship should have love, is to destroy the relationship, its putting expectations and rules to keep it together, and this will never last. xx

[Saggi]

Yes, I'm stuck between where I've been and where I'm going!

To put it plainly, I think my partner is where I've been and moved on from and I'm discovering where I'm going from this point of knowing.. If that makes sense.

I'm confused! So I understand if you are too LOL!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Xan]

As I hear you, Psychoslice, you are advising Saggi to go deeper into his heart so the love he feels is more true, more free... and I agree.

I also suggest that learning to accept whatever you are feeling, each moment, goes a long way toward the relationship coming 'round right... together or apart.

Just breathe down in your belly and accept whatever is here now in your experience. And keep going like this....


Xan

[Saggi]

Originally Posted by Xan

As I hear you, Psychoslice, you are advising Saggi to go deeper into his heart so the love he feels is more true, more free... and I agree.

I also suggest that learning to accept whatever you are feeling, each moment, goes a long way toward the relationship coming 'round right... together or apart.

Just breathe down in your belly and accept whatever is here now in your experience. And keep going like this....


Xan

Thank you Xan, although I am a female, I will do this :)

My present is what matters, I can't change my past.

Same as their present is what matters, regardless of it being my past.

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Xan]

I'm so glad you know this, Jo... your present is what matters...

Hugs back to you, girl.


Xan

[Saggi]

Originally Posted by psychoslice

If battles are still going on in a relationship it means that there is still expectations from one or the other, one wants the other to see it their way, in love we discuss and listen to each other, we no longer fight and act neurotically.

Which is why the question came up in the first place.


You say that what they give doesn't bother you, but its the honesty and deception, isn't the honesty and deception given to you from the other, if they truly love you they don't need anything from you, love is unconditional.

I'm not saying I need anything from them nor that they need anything from me. What I asking was is what someone was giving was the truth or deception. That what I was feeling wasn't truth yet what they were giving felt like deception, is this love that I'm feeling?

To question means there is doubt! So is this love? Is this love on my part that I question and if I feel deception within my heart is this love that I'm feeling from my partner?


They may say that they love you but they simply don't know what love is, if they did there would be no battles, not in the sense of fighting that is, that's still immaturity, love has not yet been allowed. Guilt is always from the past, its fear, if you are fearing of losing them then you are still away from true love, as they say, love lets the other be, love lets the other go.
If your not bothered one way or the other, then yes why are you still questioning, it means that you are still caught in between what is and what isn't, you have one foot on either side but you cannot serve two masters, its either one or the other, to be in this double mind is to be nothing but in schizophrenic thinking.
No relationship will last without true love, so its not a question of importance, to say that a relationship should have love, is to destroy the relationship, its putting expectations and rules to keep it together, and this will never last. xx

I wasn't asking whether a relationship should have love, I was asking whather what I was receiving and feeling was love!

I am told daily that he loves me, yet in lots of ways I don't feel it!

What I was asking was for answers from both sides. Was it him or me.

I've been doing some emotional clearing, with regards to the answers I've received within. What I feel within my heart is my truth. What comes from someone elses heart is their truth. Just because it doesn't feel right for another doesn't mean it's not their truth.

So, I'm concentrating on what's within mine. My truth and how it makes me feel! If it's not right for me within my truth, within my heart then I am in actual fact deceiving myself, which is harder to handle than someone else deceiving me!

Thank you for your responses!

You and Xan helped me find some of my own answers and I feel a whole lot better. How much you may never know! How much I appreciate you may never know!

Yet, help you did and my path has widened again!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Perspective]

Originally Posted by Saggi

I wasn't asking whether a relationship should have love, I was asking whather what I was receiving and feeling was love!

I am told daily that he loves me, yet in lots of ways I don't feel it!

What I was asking was for answers from both sides. Was it him or me.

I've been doing some emotional clearing, with regards to the answers I've received within. What I feel within my heart is my truth. What comes from someone elses heart is their truth. Just because it doesn't feel right for another doesn't mean it's not their truth.

So, I'm concentrating on what's within mine. My truth and how it makes me feel! If it's not right for me within my truth, within my heart then I am in actual fact deceiving myself, which is harder to handle than someone else deceiving me!

Hi Saggi,
IMO, God/Spirituality is love, which can feel comfortable or uncomfortable. And love is not just feeling - but striving for what's best.
People love in many ways, some - healthy & striving for the higher good - more than others.
This depends on perspective... with limited perspective one is only concerned with what feels good here & now.
With expanded perspective, one is most concerned with the higher good/big picture & will sacrifice to achieve it.
But nobody knows for sure, what's "best" - or what love really is in any given circumstance - we just do our best & live & learn.

I can relate with being told by someone you love that they love you but not feeling it. It can be so sad, especially if they touch on old wounds of feeling unloved.
Sometimes it's because they don't care enough to express it clearly. Other times it's because they don't know how.
That's something you need to figure out with this guy you love.

How do you prefer to be shown love? (from the book, "5 Love Languages")...
What behavior means love to you & what behavior means love to this guy?
-Kind/Affirming words
-Quality time
-Gifts
-Service
-Touch

[Xan]

This depends on perspective... with limited perspective one is only concerned with what feels good here & now.
With expanded perspective, one is most concerned with the higher good/big picture & will sacrifice to achieve it.

I like this.


Xan

[Saggi]

Originally Posted by Perspective

Hi Saggi,
IMO, God/Spirituality is love, which can feel comfortable or uncomfortable. And love is not just feeling - but striving for what's best.
People love in many ways, some - healthy & striving for the higher good - more than others.
This depends on perspective... with limited perspective one is only concerned with what feels good here & now.
With expanded perspective, one is most concerned with the higher good/big picture & will sacrifice to achieve it.
But nobody knows for sure, what's "best" - or what love really is in any given circumstance - we just do our best & live & learn.

I can relate with being told by someone you love that they love you but not feeling it. It can be so sad, especially if they touch on old wounds of feeling unloved.
Sometimes it's because they don't care enough to express it clearly. Other times it's because they don't know how.
That's something you need to figure out with this guy you love.

How do you prefer to be shown love? (from the book, "5 Love Languages")...
What behavior means love to you & what behavior means love to this guy?
-Kind/Affirming words
-Quality time
-Gifts
-Service
-Touch

Hi Perspective,

I've been searching for these answers, I dug deep and realised a lot of what are my old wounds. I know where they stem from!

I also know why I am attracted to my partner and previous partners that are unavailable!

I also found the answer of what I was questioning when I posted this thread!

The question was is this love that I'm feeling because I was asking whether what I was giving out was love!

Not what I was receiving, hence, my post on 15th.

From one perspective it was a receiving question, yet not me receiving love!

What's been happening is he lets me love him, yet shuts off from me letting him love me!

He came forward with fear, so therefore I was being loved from a fear perspective!

In the beginning when everything was sweet and fresh, I was loving him and he was accepting it. He was accepting love how I love, how I know how to.

When I allowed him to let me love him it stopped. And what's been the challenge on his part was if he told me he loved me, treated me well, wined and dined me, the love that I brought into it would come back.

I still love him, this I feel in my heart!

I need none of the niceties to feel this, this is what he needs.

To me this would happen naturally within a open, loving relationship!

No thoughts are needed, should I, what will happen if, what will they think, is it right for me,,,

So, what I've been asking is, do I let him love me with his fears?

With my heart open and able to receive his love, his fears were coming first.

What I was letting in was his fears!

Yes, this hit old wounds, as I stated it's not the first time. This time I was determined to get to the bottom of it, if only for my peace of mind!

As long as I'm receiving his fears, my fears are coming up also!

So I worked on my fears!

I faced mine!

It's been really hard! I have no doubts that it's not finished! It's just at this particular stage I've made a breakthrough!

We've discussed this!

And we've made a breakthrough together too!

So,,, from here I will love and let love!

However it be,,, I can perceive if it's right or wrong for me!

This won't stop me loving, it will show me the level of my self worth and his and the detrimental effect it could have on the relationship!

Equality is how I perceive a healthy relationship to be! Partners!

Not one pulling the other or carrying the other!

Both of us deserving of giving and receiving love!

Even through the fearful times!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Perspective]

Thanks, Xan.

Hi Jo,
You mentioned a lot that is very deep - & some personal to your situation, so I'm not sure if I completely understand.
How does he express his fears to you in a loving way?
Or how does he express his love to you in a fearful way?
Hopefully, it's not damaging & creating more fear or baggage.

Isn't it amazing that we attract or are attracted by those who have such a natural talent for bumping our old wounds so well??
If it weren't so heart-breaking it would be funny.

You mentioned your main concern was how you were expressing love, not receiving it. There's a saying, "There is more spirituality in the giving of love, than the receiving of it." Yet, IMO, they're pretty much the same. I don't think it's even possible to love without hoping to feel love in return. Even saint-like philanthropists who give their all to others, do so for the feeling they get in return. This is really important to realize for those of us who have co-dependent tendencies... Because some of us literally feel what we imagine others to feel & will try to compensate for those who don't love us... & the relationship can get all lop-sided & dysfunctional.

I'm not sure exactly what an "ideal" relationships is like, but it seems to be when each balances their own love of self & of others. When each has separate passions, & time apart, the love & time together is more meaningful. Also, "Love is the triumph of imagination over intellect." Maybe that's the secret of a lasting passionate relationship...like a Shakespear Sonnet explains...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDT1f...eature=related

Jo, I hope & believe everything will work out better than you can imagine at this time!