Just a curiousity

[sunflwrdanzr]

Do you think sometimes our connections act a certain way to try to make us break the connection, be better off as they are messed up and know it, get away from them so that in their mind we'd be better off? The best example to compare it to is kids shows or movies where they make an animal go for it's own good because maybe someone was coming after it or it really belonged to someone else and the person acts like they didn't even want them anyway, didn't like them and cries when their back is turned. (I know it's a silly comparison but it's kinda the image that was conjured up with this thought and besides I have 3 kids and am around kids all the time! Lol.) The thought came to me in a meditation after reading some posts on here and a really rough weekend with my connection. I dunno, it just matched up and clicked for a lot of what I've read and some things he's uncharacteristically done or said lately and how hurt he looked while doing it.

[Andromeda27]

Yes. TF did that to me years ago. He completely changed, but I could see something in him that didn't want to do it. He cut me out of this life as much as he could because he thought I would be better off without him. He didn't want to hurt me so he let me go, but he changed himself so that I WOULD go.

I grew in leaps and bounds because of it.

[smARTistic girl]

Yes, I think that's exactly what mine has done. He looks at the negatives of a relationship with me, and there are plenty, and thinks "what's the point?" So he just pushes me away. I see a lot of positives in maintaining a friendship, but I'm a good bit older, more life experience. ;) I think I've always made him feel unworthy, even though it's not true and the last thing he should be thinking. He's SO worthy, hopefully someday he'll see it and change his way of thinking. *sigh*

My guy has told me he has contemplated telling me he doesn't love me anymore so it wld free me - but he said he just cldnt - he couldn't speak the words even tho his conscience was telling him too - to this day I am so grateful he didn't - I can do any truth over a lie....

[John Elessar]

I know I did-she (Songgirl) was destined for great things, and I had to get out of her way as I was simply not ready for her, at all. So I said some vaguely hurtful things (not too bad, but just enough to get her to let me go)-looking back some higher part of me was involved in doing that, even as I was wallowing in the pits of despair.

Now, it may be the other way around-as in her not wanting to saddle me with her disability (even tho I told her it didn't matter at all to me). One of these lifetimes we'll both finally be in synch...

[moonsail]

gosh john..your story is so strong and beautiful...
my tf and i have forcibly pulled from each other as we have partners and know we have to uphold our commitments to them..but wow..your story humbles me..and makes me weep a little.....

[John Elessar]

Yeah, but the (apparent) ending at hand is bittersweet at best. All that potential just left stranded by the high tide. Focusing on my path and helping the people who actually do cross it is helping a ton-why should I get all bent out of shape by those who don't want what I have to offer?

These relationships are so interesting. From my research, ive interpreted that the connection is there first and foremost for learning purposes. You either learn how to love, or how to find self worth post break up, or how to maintain a close bond w another person -- straight on out or in the reverse.

In the reverse is, for example, youre deeply in love for the first time. Is not even explainable. Tey suddenly break up w you, without any real rhyme or reason. Youre devastated. But somewhere along the line of recovery, you realize any of these things: you deserve happiness, you deserve honesty and loyalty, etc. if your connection did not ive you those things BUT you learned that youre capable and deserving of them, thats learning in reverse.

Theres always one that knows of this mystical connection and one that doesnt. The one thats in denial is usually the runner. They may push you away until they die, but truly consider what youre learning. How far your tolerence goes? What unconditional love is? Can you be a friend without any romanticism?

If you can somehow get to the point of disregarding the emotional aspect for even a moment, the lessons learned are crucial for your own development and improvement. You deserve to be your own champion, even if you had to lesrn that through pain

Sorry, i felt long winded tonight :)

I absolutely think they will say/do hurtful things to try & make us leave, either because they don't think it's fair for us to wait - or because they're afraid if we see the "real" them, we'll leave them. Mine is still in emotional "lockdown mode" (his term). He can be very callous til I break thru again.

[Teal]

I say defiantly. In my case we took turns. I think a lot of it comes from interference from an outside source. Or how much you have on your plate. I am sure there are various reasons.