EXTREMELY LONG, BUT A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8oTT9r9978
please listen to this song! it will help you to fully grasp this story.
Backtrack to 2007. I met my karmic soulmate. We were involved for about three years. We fit like a puzzle, everything I lacked he had, and everything I lacked he had. Ying and yang. It also seemed that the relationship and all the lessons that came with it was similar to a prolonged near death experience; I saw those that I had effected in a negative or positive way and those who had a negative impact on me in a negative or positive way. I began to realize who came into my life without good intention and abused me in multiple ways.
The problem with my karmic soulmate is that for about a year, he was very emotionally abusive because of things he has been through, he admitted to lying that entire year. He said things he did not mean and lead me to believe we were something we were not. After feeling super betrayed, I decided to play the game. If he was going to manipulate me, I was going to manipulate him, say things he used to say to me. I in turn TRIED to manipulate any man I wanted in the future and abandon my compassionate and empathic ways because love never seemed to love me (even though it didnt work, my compassionate and empathic ways stayed). It also led me to sink even deeper into sin than I already was.
While I was developing a relationship with my karmic soulmate, I was living the fast life. Sex,drugs, and rock and roll was what my life was all about. Money came easily so it was a non-factor as to how I went about my life. A year still seems like an hour in the grand scheme of things.
After I hit rock bottom spiritually, I began to have dreams of someone of whom I believed to be my twin flame. He was someone I knew back in the 3rd grade. That was the only way I could explain why I was having such intense dreams of him. I told the story on this board before. From my experiences with my karmic soulmate, I was
proactively looking for more similar experiences that will help me win my soul back. Signs, wonders, of something phenomenal; something that would give my life so much meaning. I reunited with him with the expectation of feeling what it feels like to be with the other half of your soul. That hurt more than helped as there is no FREEDOM in expectation before experience.
Fast forward to April 20th, 2011. Around 11:11. I was sitting in my friend's car at a park with a friend when my friend's friend came pulling into the parking lot. My friend exclaimed "hey I know him!" I watched him (without any feelings whatoever) the entire time as he stepped out of the car and walked towards the car. I could not see his face because he was standing and I was sitting in the passenger side of the car, so My attention quickly diverted to my phone as my friend and this man conversed. A few minutes go by and my friend decided he finally wanted to introduce me to him. He bent over to shake my hand... and we made eye contact. There was a sense of immediate recognition. We continued to lock eyes long after we released hands. It was nothing like I ever experienced. As my friend and I walked around the park (which I have NEVER been before) all I could say was..."This is exactly where I am suppose to be." It wasnt something I thought, it bubbled up from my spirit. Everything was so familiar to me.
And funny, I had a dream two nights prior that I was in a trailer/classroom and the teacher told me I'm in the wrong building, that my class was in Maryland...which is where we met.
Anyways, so as soon as I got home, I contacted him on FB. I hated being vulnerable, but I told myself that it doesnt hurt to ask.
I emailed him and said, "Im sorry, this is super random....but Im **** friend, the girl you met at the park. You look very familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"
A few hours later he replied and said " funny, I was thinking the same exact thing...maybe we met in a past life or something lol..you live all the way in VA? How in the world did you make it all the way down here?"
so we talked for a little while and exchanged numbers. We live 45 minutes away from each other so we decided to meet at a park close to my house.
our time together was...indescribable. I literally said goodbye, gave him a hug, got in my car, and left THREE times, but something always caused us to come back together, and we end up going back to the park.
Each time I sat back in his car, we had like this telepathic communication. Even though it had been like twenty minutes away from each other, it seemed like forever and we were communicating these emotions to each other with our eyes.
He even accidentally left me a voicemail when he got in his car. I heard him sigh deeply, then like a minute later, he rolled down his passenger side window. He then asked, " Are you ok? Do you just want to chill a little bit?"
I remember what I was doing before he asked me that. I was looking in my car mirror getting my self together and I felt him looking at me.
It seemed like I dreamed of this happening before, but I dont remember ever dreaming of it if that makes sense. After we walked toward the park ( the second time around) He held my hand while I was talking. I was taken back by the electricity that surged through my body, I almost didn't want him to.
We stayed at the park until AFTER the park closed and the police told us to leave.
As I was about to leave in my car, I Said, "OK, for real this time...final goodbye!"
and we hugged for a prolonged amount of time. As I pulled back, I looked at him and we kissed...and kissed...and kissed.
i am usually NEVER impulsive like that, I had not kissed anyone in years actually.
so after that, I went home and I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning I was literally breathless and my heart was fluttering. I had no idea what that was all about.
We hung out again about a week later and I swear all we did was kiss.
From the minute we departed the first time, I swore I was going to play the game "right" to avoid getting hurt. I didnt want to come off like I was sprung on him, so I text him every now and again but I wanted him to pursue me. He rarely texted or called, so when he asks me to come to his shows (he's a musician) I decline. Said I had something I had to do. After a while without talking, it seemed like I had forgotten about him since he had forgotten about me. I decided to give this guy I had been talking to a chance. My personal life was moving very fast, and the gentleman Im talking to purposed to me a couple weeks ago.
So a few days ago, we completely fell out. He text me and asked why I didnt come to his show. I said, "Why should I?, You never talk to me anyways" he replied, "it's a two way thing. You can call or text sometimes too" and since I do, I completely let him have it. In short, he flipped out on me and said I was wrong because he thought I was in a relationship because of things the man who purposed to me writes on my Facebook wall.
he told me "next time you want to talk to someone, be sure you're not in a relationship"
I told him, "I'm not in a relationship. I told you about him. We're just talking"
He said, " you weren't very clear as to what's going on. Seems I was a fool."
....and the whole time I thought I was the fool.
I told, him..."When I did all that with you, I did it for a reason." (I was speaking of the intense emotions I felt to act so impulsively)
he retorted, "oh so you were using me?!"
He thought I never come to his shows, so I must not really care about him, and that it was never a one sided thing... despite what I thought.
So in summary he hates me now, and refuses to talk to me.
for those who are dealing with a runner, take heed. I was so lost I that I couldnt see the experience for what it was. Its only been about a month since I saw him, and it feels like YEARS! It's incredibly bizzare.
The runner may very well be in love with you, but are stuck in their logical left brains, perhaps you are running from the person as well, when you believe you are the stayer.
Those who feel you are on the cusp of something profound in your life, let God do his work and always follow your heart. If you know about twin flames, but havens found yours as of yet...don't go looking for him or her...God will place them in your life when "he" says its time. Putting this romanticized TF label on situations that are not what you think it is will be detrimental in the long run. You may not recognize it when its right in front of you due to your preconceived notions.
Don't play any games because it can end in the blink of an eye. There is a reason why TF relationships are usually short lived. Always...always...always..follow your heart.Your conditioned mind will have you going so many different ways.
I hope that made sense, it's almost 6:00 am and I haven't slept yet LOL
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