I need to understand this and learn fast

in the end, this is not something I should be
a) sharing on the internet and
b) trying to fix.

I grew up with members of my family suffering mental illness. I know when someone needs proffessional help, and this girl does. Her probelms are not something that can be solved on an internet forum. What this thread is about is how to stop her harassing me.

I cannot save EVERYONE and will not try to. I think the mark of a good healer is being able to say "this one is beyond me" and walking away. I have suggested she needs some emotional and physical support and that we are not the right place for that. I am sure that she has been offered the correct help and she has refused it. It is not my job to get involved in it. It is my job to hold the space for the group, and keep it safe.

In the end, her issues can damage our group and I am not prepared to put that at risk. People are very worried about the way she has acted in the small time she was with us.

[BlueSky]

Ok.... I guess there is nothing left to say then.
I wish you, your group and her all the best.
James

oh... ok. I'll stop wondering what the lesson I need to learn is then eh?

Last night I phoned the police and they are looking to treat it as harassment. Maybe the lesson for me was that sometimes i have to look after No1 and cannot save everyone.

I have also put a "friend" down the list of people I can rely on even more....

[BlueSky]

No I wasn't suggesting that. You came here asking for advice. My intuition says to me... well ok, what is the real problem with this girl that you need advice for. It wasn't clear what she had done.
Suffice it to say, I am not there, but from what I've heard and this all I have to go by...........If it was me, I'd be more concerned about her than the group or what lesson was in it for me.
I don't mean that as a judgement...............it's just another side of it and you asked for advice and thoughts so those are mine.
What if it was you child or sister................do you think you would have handled it differently?
Blessings, James

It seems to me that if she has serious mental issues and you encourage her to get professional help you have helped her. You may not have personally been able to help her overcome her issues, but in the long run encouraging her to get professional support is the kindest thing you can do.

James

You say what you write is not a judgement, but it definitely sounds like one... maybe that is my own paranoia.....

If she had been my sister I would have handled it differently, yes. But she isn't. She has her own family that should be looking after her. I am pretty sure she has had caseworkers that are supposed to be helping her.

Do you ask the begger by the side of the street what you can do to help or do you simply throw them £1 and hope they will spend it on a cup of tea and a sandwich rather than more drink or drugs? You may go and buy the cup of tea and the sandwich, but do you ask what they would have spent the money on if you hadn't done it for them?

If on asking you found out that they would have spent it on drink do you take them under your wing and find them an AA meeting and then take them along to make sure they go? Do you dig into their history and find out why they are begging, why they drink in the hope that you can help them solve it?

Maybe you do and if you do I take my hat off to you, fair play. I am not as strong as that.

In this situation I found that this girl has had a seriously messed up childhood that has led to serious mental issues. We're not talking about depression, we're talking about dellusions, an inability to understand that there are consequenses to her actions and a very wobbly grasp on what is true and what is made up.

To help this girl I would have had to find out exactly what her history is, find out what healthcare she has been offered, find out why she hasn't taken it, find out what is available and then try to convince her to take it up. Then stay with her to make sure that she did. This isn't a "point and shove" situation, this is complicated.

Inviting her to my home to offer her healing would lead to her being at my house ALL the time and her looking to me for guidance on everything.

This person is not someone you can offer some kindly advice to and walk away like going and buying a begger a cup of tea and a sandwich. Anyone who wants to help has to accept that they are taking on a full time project.

All of this doesn't take into consideration that I have NO training in psychology, the mental healthcare system or the social services system.

So, I ask you.... HOW could I have helped her? What likelyhood is there that I will not help her in the slightest but make the lives of me and my family hell?

I tried to contact her higher self in the hope that I could talk to her on that level. I tried to send energy to her.. every single time I tried I got an overwhelming feeling to STAY AWAY. I asked my guides what to do and they said the same. The angel that I work with even worked on removing her energy from the group.

We sent her e-mails explaining the situation, she misunderstood them. The hope was that she would see and learn that her actions were innapropriate, instead she did exactly what we asked her not to do and continued to text me. I can either now take the above action, or I can take the next step and make the "stop contacting me" message stronger.

It would be wonderful to help every damaged person that I come across, but I realise that I simply can't. I have to consider my own safety and my family first.

Call me selfish if you like, maybe I am.

[BlueSky]

Originally Posted by Sungirl

James

You say what you write is not a judgement, but it definitely sounds like one... maybe that is my own paranoia.....

If she had been my sister I would have handled it differently, yes. But she isn't. She has her own family that should be looking after her. I am pretty sure she has had caseworkers that are supposed to be helping her.

Do you ask the begger by the side of the street what you can do to help or do you simply throw them £1 and hope they will spend it on a cup of tea and a sandwich rather than more drink or drugs? You may go and buy the cup of tea and the sandwich, but do you ask what they would have spent the money on if you hadn't done it for them?

If on asking you found out that they would have spent it on drink do you take them under your wing and find them an AA meeting and then take them along to make sure they go? Do you dig into their history and find out why they are begging, why they drink in the hope that you can help them solve it?

Maybe you do and if you do I take my hat off to you, fair play. I am not as strong as that.

In this situation I found that this girl has had a seriously messed up childhood that has led to serious mental issues. We're not talking about depression, we're talking about dellusions, an inability to understand that there are consequenses to her actions and a very wobbly grasp on what is true and what is made up.

To help this girl I would have had to find out exactly what her history is, find out what healthcare she has been offered, find out why she hasn't taken it, find out what is available and then try to convince her to take it up. Then stay with her to make sure that she did. This isn't a "point and shove" situation, this is complicated.

Inviting her to my home to offer her healing would lead to her being at my house ALL the time and her looking to me for guidance on everything.

This person is not someone you can offer some kindly advice to and walk away like going and buying a begger a cup of tea and a sandwich. Anyone who wants to help has to accept that they are taking on a full time project.

All of this doesn't take into consideration that I have NO training in psychology, the mental healthcare system or the social services system.

So, I ask you.... HOW could I have helped her? What likelyhood is there that I will not help her in the slightest but make the lives of me and my family hell?

I tried to contact her higher self in the hope that I could talk to her on that level. I tried to send energy to her.. every single time I tried I got an overwhelming feeling to STAY AWAY. I asked my guides what to do and they said the same. The angel that I work with even worked on removing her energy from the group.

We sent her e-mails explaining the situation, she misunderstood them. The hope was that she would see and learn that her actions were innapropriate, instead she did exactly what we asked her not to do and continued to text me. I can either now take the above action, or I can take the next step and make the "stop contacting me" message stronger.

It would be wonderful to help every damaged person that I come across, but I realise that I simply can't. I have to consider my own safety and my family first.

Call me selfish if you like, maybe I am.

I give the beggar the money and don't concern myself with what he spends it on and in other cases I have bought them food but none of that is relevent.
This came to you and had it come to me I would have to used my heart and intuition to act as I saw fit...just as you did but probably in a different manner.
To me, she is my sister.
But like I said.... I wasn't there. All I wanted to do here was try to get a real feeling for what you were up against.
I suppose if I determined that she needed help. I would have done exactly what Myfigo suggested but "the group", I can safely say would have been last on my list of concerns.
It's like jumping in a freezing lake to save a child drowning. I'm like that. It's natural for me to do that and not concern myself first with my own safety.
Again, I'm not judging you..............I just feel concern and sorrow for this girl.
You did what you thought you should...........I applaud you for that.
Blessings, James

Don't get me wrong. I do feel very sad for this girl. Life has dealt her a rough hand.... but that still doesn't mean there is anything I can do about it.

[NightSpirit]

We always do the best we can in each given moment. Hindsight is great but only works after the event. So one puts out their best foot first and does what they feel is needed. Doesnt always turn out right after the event. Only then can we look back and say "well maybe i could have handled that differently"...or...."gee i can see now that i shouldn't have gotten involved."

We learn from our experiences (i refuse to call them mistakes because they are only mistakes if we tag them that way). You have learnt from this, and you are now the wiser for it.

Ask yourself "what have i learnt from this? How can I make sure this won't happen again? Am I capable of suspending judgement on myself in light of it being a very important lesson for me?"