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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 15-01-2018, 05:39 AM
KB200 KB200 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 12
 
Unhappy Is this person my soulmate or do I have yet to find my other half?

So, I met this woman online (we'll call her Avery) and she's really nice and we get along well, and have a good connection. But there are a few things that have me wondering if she's possibly not my soulmate.

I made a list of things that I'm looking for in my ideal partner/soulmate and on the list I have qualities that I find important.
The most important qualities on my list are:

1. She's a Christian and believes in God
2. She's a vegan
3. She doesn't drink alcoholic beverages

Well, even though she's nice and we get along well and have lots of other things in common, she doesn't have the 3 qualities from my list.
These are important to me because I'm a vegan myself and I don't like the smell or taste of meat, so it would probably be complicated if her and I lived under the same roof if she cooked meat. I also want to raise my kids vegan when I have them, it would be nice if my soulmate is vegan too. The woman I'm talking to is also a picky eater so that makes me wonder if she'd like most of my cooking. I'd be a little sad if she didn't want to eat some of my meals to be honest, cause I'd like to share what I have with her.

Even though I'm not perfect, my faith is important to me. I prefer going dating other Christians. I want to go to church with my future family and worship with them, and raise our children as Christians. Well, Avery is not a Christian and she doubts God's existence.

The not drinking thing is important because I get uncomfortable when people drink alcohol and I don't like talking to someone up close when they've been drinking. I don't like the taste or smell of it. Avery drinks alcohol every now and then..

Also, I hate to sound like a shallow jerk but I kind of find her attractive but I also kind of don't. I'm usually attracted to women who are slimmer but Avery is kind of overweight. What attracts me to her most is her personality and she has beautiful eyes. I wonder if I would be attracted to her body or not.

We also have awkward silences sometimes when talking and I don't know what to say and I have to think about what to say next sometimes. I heard that soulmates don't have awkward silences. That you just enjoy the silence for some reason?

How do I know if someone is my soulmate? Is Avery my soulmate? Would we become compatible somehow in the future? I know I can't change Avery. I think she's a great woman and we get along well but I also look at our lifestyles and how they'd clash, looking into the future.
I wonder if she's my soulmate.

And if it turns out she's not then I don't want to break her heart because we really like each other and she says I make her really happy. She makes me happy too. I don't want to break her heart.

If she's not my soulmate I know it's definitely something because we do have a strong connection in my opinion. How do I know if she's my soulmate? And if she's not, what do I do...?
If she's not my soulmate then am I delaying attracting my soulmate if I'm emotionally attached to Avery?

What should I do? Please help. Something like this has actually happened before. I met an awesome woman and she had a lot of qualities I looked for but didn't have all the important ones. I was so confused like I am now, wondering if she was my soulmate.
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  #2  
Old 15-01-2018, 10:40 AM
OEN34 OEN34 is offline
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Location: England
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She's not your soulmate by the sounds of it. To be honest, you sound a little desperate for it to work, or desperate for a connection that isn't there.

Of course, we aren't going to find that someone who ticks every single box; we all have perfect imperfections and flaws, but that fact she isn't vegan and you are, and you want someone who is vegan is going to be tough.

Your religion is important in someone for you, and she isn't religious. How would this work?

You don't get awkward silences with a soulmate, let alone someone you connect with who isn't even your soulmate.

You aren't responsible for breaking her heart. She is responsible for her own emotions and feelings, much in the same way you are yours.

Ultimately, the same goes with happiness. You are both responsible for your own happiness, not providing it one another.

But the three points you want in someone is very important to you, and this is fine, so IMO, being together will place discomfort on both of you. You because you want someone to have those traits, and her because she will have to change who she is if she decided to be in a relationship with you.

There are so many others out there who will tick those three things, and the same for this lady.

Let her go IMO, as staying with her otherwise screams neediness to me.
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  #3  
Old 15-01-2018, 10:50 AM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,062
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Yes, she will be a soulmate, but she won't be your Twinflame.
If she'd be your Twinflame you wouldn't be asking all these logical and analytical questions, but emotional and feeling questions.
Why are you trying to talk yourself into a relationship?
You're more concerned about whether or not she's going to like your cooking than how she's going to feel when she finds out you aren't even physically attracted to her. (That's going to hurt like heck! No better way than that to ruin a woman's self-esteem.)
Awkward silences... you don't have those with a Twinflame. Silence feels totally okay and comfortable with them.
Don't try to make something work that obviously isn't going to. When you meet the right one it will just work. And you will simply know she's the one.
Maybe she came into your life to make you ease up on your demands, cos sorry to say, but you sound rather 'high maintenance'.
That is not a good place from which to find a deep and healthy love relationship, it's too ego-based.
So yes, she will be a soulmate. Everyone in your life is a soulmate. She probably entered your life to help you grow, and you her of course. It's a two-way street.
But a Twinflame, no.
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  #4  
Old 15-01-2018, 12:39 PM
Lorelyen
Posts: n/a
 
You could be in for disappointment if you make a list of "things I look for in a soulmate", a real soul mate that is, not a girlfriend you fancifully label a soul mate.

You need a deep affinity. The items on your list are important to you in any relationship but it'll have to go further involving trust, mutual support in times of trouble, a commonality of attitude and action in similar circumstances - and yet enough differences so you can engage with each other as in "be interested".

I'd say that personality is more important than physical attraction. It depends how important sex is to you. You have your experience to guide you - do you think the sexual side would endure? Most couples spend too little time on courtship before jumping on the sofa so when their sexual repertoire is exhausted they have to fall back on how their personalities interact. If they're badly matched then it'll fall apart unless they get used to each other fairly quickly. I know this sounds a bit twee but personable, collaborative people can get used to each other over a period of time and enjoy a lifelong relationship.
.
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  #5  
Old 15-01-2018, 01:35 PM
Anne Anne is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 473
 
She may be a soulmate, but maybe not the ‘life partner’ for you.

If you are set on the top 3 things you’re looking for, plus not feeling a great deal of sexual attraction, I would tippy-toe away from this connection. Of course you don’t want to break her heart, but at the same time you need to meet your own values...

As far as awkward silences go, my experience in soulmate/TF connections is that there is no such thing.
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  #6  
Old 15-01-2018, 01:50 PM
jro5139 jro5139 is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 987
 
I'm not sure what you mean by your definition of soulmate. You don't just have one, you have lots of soulmates. Soulmates come on all different levels, and usually close ones teach us lessons and sometimes even trigger us to become better people. They are not just designed to be exactly like us. Even the members of my soul family that I have found, are not exactly like me. They can even trigger me and upset me sometimes. They are there to teach me to be better, but not to be another me.

It doesn't sound to me like you are looking for a soulmate, or even a twin flame. You are looking for a life partner, and you are limiting yourself a lot by being so specific. I'm not saying you shouldn't have qualities that you want or find important, but are you really going to turn down a possible great love because they eat different food than you? Sounds like a really limiting way to be to me.
Perhaps this woman is a soulmate to you and she has come help you expand your thinking (doesn't mean you will end up with her forever, btw).

Like I said, there are different types of soulmates that show up for different reasons. So how to tell that someone is a member of your soul family? You would have an instant rapport with them. You will feel that you care about them upon meeting them much more than is usual for someone that you have just met, and you will not know why. (And I don't mean care as in, want to be with them sexually. I mean care, as in, you will care about their soul and what happens to them).

As for the awkward silences, my experience with my twin flame was that even if we did have a silence, it wasn't awkward. In other words, we could just sit and enjoy each other's presence. But a twin flame is something else altogether, and not at all what it sounds like you are looking for at this time (although you meet them when not looking, and they come to shake your world up, not to be an instant romance). I would say, though, it's about the same with the members of my soul family that I know, but they are not romantic connections to me.

As for your kids, I don't know how old they are, but I hope you are aware that your children are not mini versions of you. They may grow to be completely different people that you would decide they should be. You hope them to be vegan and Christian. They may decide to be meat- eating Buddhists.
As parents, we are not here to tell our children who to be and what to believe, we are here to guide them and support them. But we do not choose their paths as they grow up. The paths they choose may not be what you would choose and that's ok. Your job as a parent is to love them no matter what, be there for them and provide as much support as you can.

I agree with what FC said above as well, your idea of finding a partner sounds very ego- based. You seem more concerned with finding a compliment to you, than a real person with their own feelings and desires. When we find people who are different, if we listen to them and take other approaches and perspectives into consideration, we may learn something from them.
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  #7  
Old 15-01-2018, 02:17 PM
Blue Tiger Blue Tiger is offline
Guide
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 522
 
Soul mates and twin flames status is based on something deeper and more spiritual than everyday life, preferences, and beliefs.

They are also, as I understand it, determined before we arrive in this lifetime. Things like being vegan or Christian are decisions we make during our lifetime, as we experience 3D life.

So making a list of must-haves that a soul mate or twin flame should have in order to qualify... doesn't seem logical.

If you were meant to be soul mates or twin flames, you simply WILL be. There isn't choice involved.

Now if what you're looking for is a compatible partner to build a life with, then your list is fine. Harmonious 3D life built upon similar beliefs is a really good way to do things.

Just don't get soul mate and twin flame involved in the picture.

You MIGHT meet a soul mate/twin flame who HAPPENS to check off all those boxes... but you might also find no one, or overlook a wonderful potential partner because they don't.
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  #8  
Old 15-01-2018, 08:16 PM
Marie Marie is offline
Master
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 969
 
When you look for a soul mate or twinflame, which are different, (although share some tracks) if you choose them or reject them because of.. How they look, what they eat, what they think etc you will be in for a big surprise. As either, will the soul mate /twinflame (especially twinflame) shake you and your wants and beliefs to the core, or they'll simply leave you at the spot, leaving you without your one true love. Which has nothing to do with wish lists, wants looks or behaviour even. It's about the soul. Only. And the connection. You can't fake it. But, it's what everyone are seeking. But, they often drop the other, because they don't tick the box. In your case it's Christian, vegan etc. It use to be that a twinflame especially, but many times also a soul mate, are completely opposed to your wish list or ideal. Or even ideas. That's just how they're like. Why because so you can grow. And yet, they're the deepest love ever you ever come by. And you reject them just because they don't tick the box?? Do you see how empty and hollow this is? Excuse me, but that is what jesus talked against.
You're the one in error here not her. Your limitations of thinking. The programming from society. And upbringing. Magazine TV you name it. Think.
You never ever find true love by thinking she's gonna have to fill even one spot on your list. True love.. The look remains the same.
But, but you say. To be Christian is not to put these limits on anyone, or expect them from a potential love. It is not love it is conditional.
You say you have the right? If you want just someone that takes you on the same and not true love then ok. But don't for one second believe it's REAL love.
It's more of just a companion.
Big difference. And won't make THE SOUL happy.
It's more likely just conditioned programs from others. From society. Yes but. Well you're on a spiritual forum.
And no you can't demand anyone to follow the religion no matter how true you feel it is. Such parents usually end up with rebellious children.
Jesus is free. He does not force. Ever.
If you spend your life looking for the twinflame or soul mates in one religion only you never find them. Only by going within. You see jesus said the Kingdom of God is within you. Not in bricks or having to go to church. You are the church! So the things with must be Christian doesn't fit. Btw it was advise only and written to a specific group.
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  #9  
Old 15-01-2018, 08:20 PM
Marie Marie is offline
Master
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 969
 
And, do you really hear how nuts it sounds, throwing a girl out you really like and have a connection with, just because she doesn't tick your box? Would jesus do so? What if you're meant to lead her to God?!
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  #10  
Old 15-01-2018, 09:06 PM
Badcopyinc
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KB200
We really like each other and she says I make her really happy. She makes me happy too.

This stands out to me. Whether she's your soulmate or not doesn't really matter compared to how you feel about her.

Sometimes people come to teach you things maybe there's a hidden lesson from continuing with her. maybe she will end up seeing the same way you do with religion and drinking. the vegan thing (i'm vegan) will come with time no matter what. or maybe you will be so happy eventually with her that those things wont matter to you anymore.

Either way won't it always make you curious what could have been with her if you let your requirements lead you away from her?

Plus maybe god wants you to learn stuff from her in order to prepare you for your soulmate. or maybe she is your soulmate and you choosing her will show you that to be the case in time.
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