Am I a Crazy Man? Had an emotional affair...

[Teddy_Broselvet]

It's ironic that she claimed me to be the Runner, She would tell me to stop running and let her love me, or say that i'm going to run....yet here I am... I don't feel like i'm running at all...

[ByChance]

What do you what?

What are your fears?

[Ldlf16]

Lol what's with the meteors? When I was a teenager I used to stargaze on the roof. One night when I was out there and thinking about him, as I climbed back in the window, I suddenly stopped, looked up, and like you I saw the most magnificent, giant meteor. I could hear it. It was only visible for a couple of seconds. It sounds corny but I always thought that was kind of special. This was pre-internet so I couldn't easily check any astronomy sites to confirm, but it was remarkable. I haven't seen one like that since.

[Teddy_Broselvet]

What do I want?

Feels almost like a loaded question these days..


What are your fears?

Like, I'm not a real emotional guy...never have been.
Never been the type to think about what scares me either...
I've always been more of an analytical person...you know?? like patterns make senses... Numbers? Percentages? Programs?...make sense to me...

But this....what's been going on in my life since I found her???
Nope...ZERO SENSE MADE....
I'm not your "read between the lines" type as you may have already guessed... I keep trying to use my brain to figure myself out.... to figure out why I can't just keep moving forward on the path I was... My life was just fine 4 months ago... I'm married to a woman who loves me despite all the hell I've put her through. We both have respected, climbing careers. I have 2 children who are my everything... Everything about my current path makes sense...
it's logical... its safe... comfortable...
But then this other soul makes it's grand appearance.... Now, I'm afraid I don't want logical and safe... I want to feel alive, I want to feel loved and take blind chances and.... to wake up in the mornings and see that look in her eyes, sometimes wild...lol...but always warm yet piercing...
I guess what I'm trying to say...is that I didn't realize I couldn't feel until she came along...

But now...I don't know...

After I started researching the number sequences that I continue to see on almost a daily basis, something happened to me. Almost like my soul was coming out of it's dormant state. I started believing in Angels again... I believed that I had a team of spirits on the other side, gathering around me, trying to help lead me to her... I would talk to them, not really praying...but more like talking to them as I would a friend. I would vent, express concerns and usually ask too many questions. But the strange thing is this. These talks usually took place on my way into work in the mornings, so after I would say bye I would turn on Pandora. A lot of the time, the first song to play would be so relevant that it was hard not to take it as answer. (which is so unlike me.. historically speaking) I even meditated a couple times... I honestly thought that I was on the correct path...the path that my angels or spirits (still not sure who) wanted me to be on... Like they were guiding me to this other soul...

And I guess that leads me into my biggest fear of all...

What if I was wrong this entire time...

.

[Teddy_Broselvet]

This will be my final post...

I do ask one question, if at some point, a moderator of this forum reads this post... would you be kind to change the title and remove the "Had an emotional affair" ....maybe just leave the "Am I a Crazy Man?" part.
Please, and thank you.

Also...I would like to go back and remove names, but the post edit feature isn't working... so who knows...

Also... Also... I would rather no one reply to this message...
I would rather it fade into the backdrop of the searchable archive....lol

Enough already... time for my final ramble before logging off. And I Do have to log off...
Alyssia, the last 4 months have been life changing to say the least. I never intended to meet you. I was happy, or maybe I only thought I was. At this point, I don't remember. In fact, I sometimes wish that I would have been left in the dark. And other times??? The pain is as real as it was the first time we said goodbye. I talked to you the entire trip home, we finally looked up the meaning of 3:33.... Hearing your voice only helped to reassure me how I felt about you. But we both knew how this trip was suppose to end. Neither of us had the courage to say goodbye. And then, as if by fate, the most poetic thing happened...

my phone died...

If I were a stronger man, I would have seized the grandness of the moment....Drifted into obscurity and possibly saved my heart/soul/body from the following months of penetrating agony. Instead, my heart opened up and for the first time in years, I truly cried. The thought of loosing what we shared was too much to accept and 20 minutes later, I plugged my phone back in...

This is when I finally broke down, and started researching the numbers I had been seeing, found out about this crazy "spiritual" fad about Twin Flames. It all seemed beautiful, and fairy tail like...and crazy... But you knew I felt crazy, still do I guess... It wasn't until I stumbled onto the signs list that this stuff started to make sense.... like every. single. sign. on the list was checked off. I decided at that point not to tell you.

Unfortunately, I couldn't stop listening to that humming feeling in my chest... It was maybe our second attempt at saying goodbye...we lasted what? 3 or 4 days before you messaged me. The hurt of saying goodbye was too strong, the feeling of loss too painful like we were ignoring a higher calling. So I did the one thing I regret to this day...I sent you a link to a list of 30 signs... then I waited for a response... "OMG!" ... I believe your response was.

...I'm sorry, I can't continue...

Alyssia Renee, I have to say goodbye.... and I have to mean it.
I don't know what I'm doing or who I am anymore. Meeting you has forever changed me. And I forever changed you. I think your just as lost as I am right now, and like me, doing whatever necessary to mask these feelings. cover the void. I know he burnt those pages from your journal, but that doesn't mean you forgot what you wrote on them... We both need to remember that we are where were supposed to be.

There's no such thing as a Coincidence
I pray we don't run forever
...

[Sugar-n-Spice]

Life is short, you should have just indulged in your love and had a full fledged affair