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Twin flames? Soulmate or Other? Need help
Hello,
I'm leaving this message here as i need some guidance and assistance in what is happening to me lately and possibly my entire life.
This post is a bit long so bear with me for a moment if i may.
So the story starts here: 20 years ago, i was 14 and i met this girl in school let's call her J. She was in my class and i instantly fell in love with her. There was something about her eyes that scared me but also fascinated me as well.
We spoke only once or twice in my four years of college and yet, there was something about her that pulled me towards her in an intense way.
When the school years were over, i never saw J again or not directly i should say, you'll see what the hell i mean down below. 20 years later, i have reason to believe that she was in fact my Twin Flame.
Some will say that it's just falling in love, a romantic fling or a regular crush but it's oh so much more than that, you'll see down below. I've had crushes with other girls since then whom one of them i ended up being in a serious relationship but none of them compared to how i felt about J.
So that is just a very brief summary of my "interaction" with J. I could go in much more detail but it would be unnecessary as the essentials are here.
Now i need your help in figuring out if it is indeed a Twin Flame connection or if it something else entirely.
Below are the signs i experienced that could fall towards the Twin Flame category. I wrote them in chronological order 1 being the oldest and 21 being the most recent(ish).
1 - Intense love towards her at first sight even though we never really spoke much.
2 - Couldn't look directly into her eyes. When i tried, it felt like an intense spike in my heart. At first i thought it was because i was shy but then i realised that i couldn't even look at her on the photos too. The others girls i have fallen for all those years later, never had this effect on me.
3 - She was for a fact into me or at least as far as i knew or at least for a time. I'm mentioning this because, from what i understand, Twin Flames are supposed to be attracted to eachother which seemed to be the case for her as well.
4 - Felt her presence in a mall once. At first it was an intense indescribable feeling that made me panic as i frantically looked around not knowing what was happening or what was gonna happen. Then a voice inside my head told me to "turn around!" and when i did, there she was, passing by. If i'd looked too soon or too late, i would've never seen her there at that moment.
5 - While walking on a street, i was about to pass by a hair salon and i 200% knew she was in there. There was no reason for me to belive so but i couldn't deny that i was so sure that she was in there. When i finally walked by, i briefly saw her inside which confirmed what i felt.
4 - Randomly looked outside my window and saw her waiting by the bus stop. This triggered something strange inside me as something that i saw angered me to no end. Though my reasons for being angry could be justified from my perspective, the anger inside me got out of proportions which made me do something i immediatly regretted afterwards. Being intensly triggered by your Twin Flame for the slightest things is part of the experience and so what happened to me could be another sign.
5 - Turned the TV on one night and there was this TV talk show and there she was, sitting where the audience was. You tell me what are the odds of one day randomly turning on the TV and immediatly seeing her right there and then.
6 - Kept thinking about her for no reason. Even after having fallen in love with other girls over the years and having being in a serious relationship with one of them for an entire year, J would always pop back into my mind unlike all my previous crushes.
7 - Between 2012 and 2016, seeing 11:11 dozens and dozens of time per day (20 to 40 times per day, no joke i counted) everywhere, every single day for months until that made me lose my mind and screamed "STOP" to whoever was sending them. After that it stopped and never came back. Alot are saying that 11,11 is a Twin Flame number so boom, another one.
8 - 2018, start of my dark night of the soul. I felt it coming my way since 2017 and saw it as a very dark and cold tempest coming my way and there was no stopping it. It scared me to the point that i prayed for it never to arrive but it did anyway.
9 - Having telepathic messages sent to me since december 2022. Most of them being a sudden "Hey!" in my mind. These "Hey!" are in the form of a loud whisper of a female voice. Afterwards, some would be full words or very short phrases like "You've changed!" among others. If this voice said so, this means that whoever said that knew me in the past and saw me at that specific moment hence the suprised reaction of this "person". These whispers keep happening until now. I even received a loud scream in my head not long ago which freaked me the **** out. Two of these messages were even able to predict the immediate future one or two days in advance so i take these telepathic messages very seriously.
10 - Since January 2023, seeing 111 and 11 everywhere for months but also 222, 333, 444, 555, 777, 101, 117 but mostly 111 who are also Twin Flame numbers as well especially 111 due to a sign that you'll see listed below.
11 - I once had this crazy idea out of the blue where i asked myself if it was possible for two people to merge into one soul. This idea was completely crazy for me at the time as i've never even heard of such a thing before that but it just popped in my mind in the form of a "Wouldn't it be crazy if that was possible?". Now knowing the Twin Flame jounrey, this is exactly what it's all about.
12 - Had the very first dream of J in August 2023. In the dream, i asked her what her name was even tho i already knew who she was and she said "J, and you?", and i told her my name. We then spoke about anything and everything. Our conversations flowed like we knew eachother since forever. After a while we layed next to eachother and she touched my hand. This made me wake up and triggered intense emotions of love, sadness, grief, joy, all of them followed with tears. Note that i really mean it when i say "intense". I never felt anything like this in my entire life and no dream ever had that kind of effect on me. These feelings lasted for two to three weeks.
This dream caused a chain of other dreams of her but the first one changed my life for the best. Ever since then, I changed my diet, started to work out and now i see the world more positively.
13 - After that dream, right when waking up, i saw in my third eye the face of a woman. I say third eye because i physically felt this "vision" right at the center of my forehead. The image of her was in a monochrome blueish color. I couldn't get a good look at her as this vision lasted in a flash. I didn't recognize J at first but maybe it is her face now as with the years, she assuredly changed.
Note: That wisper that said that i "changed". Maybe she also saw me in her third eye too which made her say that and somehow this thought of hers got back to me?
14 - After the first dream of her, one of them was when going down a road in order to look for her, number 111 popped up right in front of me, suggesting that this number could be linked to her.
15 - First dream of her made me do my shadow work, mental exercises in forgiving anyone that caused me harm in my past and accepting the bad stuff that happened, which once completed, made my heart light and full of hope for the future, putting me into an inner peaceful state ever since. Doing the shadow work is also part of the Twin Flame journey.
16 - A week after the first dream of her, i felt a very odd and warm feeling in the middle of my chest as if something was opening up. Then this feeling, very strangely, could be translated into a knowledge. That knowledge said this: "I alread met her way before we first met back in college". Could be that we met back when we were toddlers? Or perhaps in a past life.
17 - Seeing other girls who very oddly look very much like her, especially in the eyes.
18 - Seeing her name very often. Thought it is a common name, other more common names don't pop up as much.
19 - After the first dream of her, i have a strange but pleasant feeling in my chest. It's subtle but constant. When i close my eyes and delve into that feeling, i only see her face in my mind.
20 - My mind gravitating towards the Twin Flames concept, keep searching for it. Maybe something deep inside my soul is making me research for it. Not sure this is a true sign in itself.
21 - Ever since i never saw her again, i went into the darkest years in my entire life, dealing with loneliness, extreme disdain towards my fellow humans and dealing with anti social beliefs and behaviors. During these last 20 years, i stayed locked in my home, going out rarely. It wasn't by choice by the way, i did it because i HAD to. I had a few friends but i cut them off my life recently as they were just plain toxic and so i said "f them". I was born into a cult family and even tho we all got out of it when i was 14, the toxicity from it is still there and on top of that, they make me feel like a ****ing toddler for no reason.
My late teens, entire 20s and early 30s was spent on being alone and part of that phase included the dark night of the soul that started in 2018. Now i am starting to get much better with therapy. I'm still battling my social phobia and anxieties but judging from what i've been through, i can now handle this and i will end up winning. I've made huge work all those years on myself in order to detach myself from limiting beliefs imposed on me by my family, school and so called friends back then. Now i'm starting to get out of this dark part of my life.
I'm not saying this to gain pity and don't want any at all. But the reason i say this is also a sign that it is because a Twin flame journey is supposed to be extremely painful at first during the "separation" phase and this exactly describes what i've been through these last 20 years.
So is it a Twin Flame? Soulmate? Or Karmic?
For me, personally, it is impossible for her to be a Soul mate and here's why:
Soul Mates, from what i understand, are supposed to meet. A relationship is formed whether it is friendly or romantic but in all cases, Soul mates have a relationship. With J, there was NO relationship whatsoever.
We only spoke once and it was for a brief moment. If she was a Soul mate, how strange that we never went on in being at least friends don't you think? Soul mates are supposed to flow and magnetize and then meet but with J, there was no meeting, no social interaction. I may be wrong in all of that and if that's the case, please let me know.
So what about Karmic? From what i understand about Karmic relationships is that there is some sort of lesson or something like it. If there is a lesson with J, well i've searched all over and found nothing. I have these crazy experiences and syncronicities about her, no lesson. And it's been 20 years, if it was a lesson, it's starting to get a bit stale like the old milk in your fridge and it is now long overdue. In these 20 years, i've seriously changed so much so that it seems that i've lived 4 lifetimes and when thinking about how i was back then, i don't recognize myself. So in the end, a lesson is, for me, completely useless and doesn't make any sense at all.
But again i could be wrong here too so feel free to correct me.
After a while, my interest in searching the topic of Twin flames faded away as i knew that searching for more would be like going around in circles.
With all these signs, i have to conclude that there is a very high probability that J is my Twin Flame.
After i came to that conclusion, her name and face didn't show up as much anymore suggesting that whoever or whatever was behind these syncronicities, stopped them as i now understand that its use in them was to inform me that she was my Twin Flame and since that knowledge came to me, they were no longer needed which is another confirmation in itself.
Despite being 97% sure that J is my Twin Flame, my conscious self, or my ego, still cannot process that information and so i am still doubtfull despite all the crazy signs.
But most of all, i am human and so i could be wrong and i have been wrong in alot of other things in my life so even if i was 100% sure, it doesn't mean that it is all true.
So with all that being said, first of all, is thank you for your patience in reading all of that. But all in all, what do you think?
I am aware of the Twin Flame phenomenon being a social trend so alot of the info i got describe, at best, more of a of feeling being in love and at worst, just plain ****. But everyone tends to forget that there are the crazy syncronicities, paranormal experiences and telepathic communication which is also the case for me too hence being sure it is a Twin flame but again, i could also be wrong and could be something entirely different that i have zero awareness of and if it is the case, then that is when you, yes you the one reading this right now, to maybe tell me what could all of this mean or even just a little info that could help me solve all of this crazy stuff who J is at the center of it all.
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