I thought I was finally in surrender, but...

Romy123 · #1 23-09-2016, 04:06 AM

So, with TF, I finally feel like I'm moving towards surrender. It feels great, no expectations, no jealousy, things just are. It just started feeling this was about a week ago. Sometimes we have great conversations, other times we ignore each other, and it's ok. Today, we spent a lot of time together today, more than usual, & he even started a conversation with my husband (he's always been one to run the other way when my husband is around).
Because of TF coming in to my life, things got a lot better with my husband, and have been for very good a while (six months or so).
Except, today in a long time, my husband did something reminiscent of the old "him" (he used to be very verbally abusive- until TF came into my life and I decided I had enough, long story short, he changed when we were on the brink of divorce). He made fun of me, because he was frustrated that I was voicing my opinion (not in a mean way, he was just being impatient because he couldn't understand why I couldn't just do things his way).
My old self reared her ugly head as well- the sad, timid, victimized little girl who has learned how to just take it. She's still there apparently, I thought she had grown up and didn't cower like she did today. Ugh...

lostsoul13 · #2 23-09-2016, 04:24 AM

Hello, im sorry and excuse me by my pardon--but please dont use 'coward' shant a man whom you made vow with and 'cowarded your life as a vow'{please, I use coward as a correction to say} do that to your self? Might not your words as vows be spoken so as loud and correct as long as was first said? Shant you remember what it was you said to your self whilst before you fell to vow your husband and what a reason is for?--I mean exception to a woman too be obdiant in her husband but thy husband taken you for in his onw obedience of practise and whilst practising a behaviour to your self--your once self as you are once together? And as once is now and forever more in ect fashion? **hug** My words are not a patten to speak on your household or your affairs but in affection of your self--and as my will to speak over as now as would of then... dont taunt your own body to the small of your self and curl up in your womenhood!! Man alive... your last sentence.... **YOU DONT TAKE ANY-THING...obliged me in my strong reaction I dont dare a confestion to upset that of the out spoken of my self.

Romy123 · #3 24-09-2016, 12:59 AM

I am using the verb "to cower", which is to crouch down in fear. My husband's words brought this reaction about in me.

Kalika · #4 24-09-2016, 06:27 AM

Could parental attachment style have anything to do with what you are experiencing now?

jro5139 · #5 24-09-2016, 01:21 PM

Romy, my heart goes out to you, if his abuse continues please don't stay and take it. I was in an abusive relationship, physically and verbally. Before I met my ex I thought I was the strongest person alive, I never took any **** from anyone and I never thought I would end up in a relationship like that.
Due to circumstances I stayed with him much longer than I should have. Early on when the police got involved they told me that he was going to have to hit rock bottom before he would ever change. Boy were they right. While we were together, I tried everything to help him and make him see that he needed to change. I would take his drugs and alcohol and throw them away, hide the car keys, tell his parents and brother what he did, nothing ever changed him. What I realized later was that I was enabling him.
The only thing that finally got him to straighten his life up was when I broke up with him, causing him to lose everything and hit rock bottom. That is when he finally changed his life.

Throughout the years of abuse I lost myself and came out of it as a shell of a person. I went from that strong person to a shell that was afraid to let her true personality out and wanted nothing to do with people. It took me years to regain myself, my personality and interests back. That is what abuse does to you, no matter how strong you start out. I'm not saying your situation is as bad as mine was, but nobody and nothing is worth losing yourself over. No amount of financial security or relationship security is worth staying with someone who treats you like ****. Yes it is hard being alone and raising kids alone, but it is much easier than it was being with him. Sometimes with people like this, the only way to truly save them is to let them go. If I had stayed, I believe things would have ended very badly. By leaving I saved both our lives and our kids lives. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Romy123 · #6 25-09-2016, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatsername

Could parental attachment style have anything to do with what you are experiencing now?

Yes, in every way. My mother was very abusive- verbally, emotionally, and physically. Although there was some sunshine, I suffered a lot as a child. My sister even acknowledges how hard it was for me and my other sister especially (what triggered this conversation is we both shuddered at the sight of a leather belt). It's just frustrating because I've worked so hard to mourn and heal this part of my life (largely in part to TF coming in to my life, that's when really I started to accelerate on this journey- I'd been working on this for years, but not really). I am wondering if these triggers (like the belt or loud noises) and reactions to when husband says a snide remark (although these past couple of years, he's been very nice 98% of the time) are these just things I have to live with for the rest of my life? Is there hope that I will be 100% comfortable with myself in all situations?

Emm · #7 26-09-2016, 03:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romy123

Yes, in every way. My mother was very abusive- verbally, emotionally, and physically. Although there was some sunshine, I suffered a lot as a child. My sister even acknowledges how hard it was for me and my other sister especially (what triggered this conversation is we both shuddered at the sight of a leather belt). It's just frustrating because I've worked so hard to mourn and heal this part of my life (largely in part to TF coming in to my life, that's when really I started to accelerate on this journey- I'd been working on this for years, but not really). I am wondering if these triggers (like the belt or loud noises) and reactions to when husband says a snide remark (although these past couple of years, he's been very nice 98% of the time) are these just things I have to live with for the rest of my life? Is there hope that I will be 100% comfortable with myself in all situations?

Try not to see this from the physical perspective but from a vibrational one. If you look at it from the outside in, it just perpetuates into a cycle and if you understand that you are a vibrational being and that everything begins with you, you will be able to see why.

Your reality is a reflection of how you are feeling within. You may not have been fully aware of why you attracted this situation but you did. Meeting someone you feel is your tf ups the vibration and while in that good feeling state everyone within your vicinity reacts to you accordingly which is why your husband has been better. However, thought, especially of a past hurt can give you that "sinking" feeling in the gut which tells you momentarily your vibration has lowered and this ofcourse can attract behaviour in others to match it.

This is why most spiritual teachers will tell you to follow your joy, bliss or excitement. Its why they also advise you to have self awareness. In awareness you can prevent things from sliding into past pain by cutting the thought short. So, going back to the cycle of pain can you now see why? It began with you, your husband reacts to your vibration and matches it, your thoughts regurgitate the memory keeping your vibration down and again you attract more of that behaviour from your husband.

Change how you feel....if the past comes up in conscious thought tell yourself it is no longer relevant, its in the past, theres nothing you need to heal, the past cant touch you unless you consciously want to go there. Then go and find joy, everything begins here in the now.

Try not to overthink things allow your inner self to enjoy this physical arena because thats what you came here to do. Your multidimensional self created your body to experience physical reality. Your energy was meant to be free flowing with the Now experience but the physical mind sometimes stays stuck in a memory and creates a blockage which regurgitates when you hit on a note/ vibration that matches that memory. Its our thoughts that can be the problem, the story we have been creating from when memory began and memory is a past that has gone while the rest of you has moved forward. Regain your balance by staying in your Now moment looking for the good feeling and see where that takes you.

RedBasket · #8 26-09-2016, 03:17 AM

I agree with Emm's articulate summary of the vibrational reality here. I was writing about twin flame "pain points" in another thread and it is so easy to get pulled off of the high vibrational feeling into the low vibration pain because this experience kicks up so many old wounds. Yes to the idea of passing through the pain points quickly to restore the high vibration.