Spiritual Forums

Home


Donate!


Articles


CHAT!


Shop


 
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.

We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.

Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-03-2017, 06:14 AM
1stworldview5 1stworldview5 is offline
Suspended
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 2
 
Do Mail Order Brides Really Exist?

Do mail order bride really exist?

The answer is Yes, and No, it really depends on your definition of mail order brides.

The historical roots of the mail-order bride industry that emerged in the 1800s in the American frontier: European American men found financial success in the migration West, but the one thing that was missing was the company of a wife. Very few women lived there at this time, so it was hard for these men to settle down and start a family. They attempted to attract women living back East; the men wrote letters to churches and published personal advertisements in magazines and newspapers. In return, the women would write to the men and send them photographs of themselves. Courtship was conducted by letter, until a woman agreed to marry a man she had never met.[9] Many women wanted to escape their present way of living, gain financial security and see what life on the frontier could offer them. Most of these women were single, but some were widows, divorcees or runaways.

During most of the 20 century, the mail order bride continued with the main method of women putting themselves in catalogs. Then men would view the women's profile, then for a fee order the women address. These became the main order bride companies business method in the 20 the century, with the fall of the Soviet union and cheap airfares, these companies spread from Asian to Eastern Europe, mainly now the Ukraine

Today most women do not leave their countries to escape poverty but to seek a man they believe will be a good husband and provider, that is family orientated and that looks at women with more respect than in many countries around the world.

With the advent of the intent, the mail order bride industry boomed into a billion dollar industry, Now with a few pictures and website, anyone could be in the mail order bride business. With hundreds of ma and pop shops opening over the last two decade, Most who were clients of one of the three original mail order bride companies, A Foreign Affair (AFA), Anastasia and EC, The owner of ForeignLadies.com met his wife while working on a tour from loveme.com, A Foreign affair still today in the largest in the industry, each week they offer tours to one of a dozen countries China to Peru and everywhere in between. The industry grew so fast in 1998, Senator Cantwell of Washington state introduces legislation to regulate the mail order bride industry. and a new law Called: "International Marriage Brokers Act" or IMBRA was born. With stiff regulations, many companies like Anastasia moved from Bride business to Fantasy Chat.


Although the industry strongly objects to the term mail order brides, saying there is no difference if man in New York courting a woman from California through match.com, then courting a woman from Russia. Critics like the Terra Justice Center has a different out look, saying these men take advantage of women oversea. But studies have contradicted these statement and show abuse is actually lower in these marriages. See "International Marriages - A Report to Congress"

So why do thousands of women join these site: Elena Kosalova of the Ukraine says, "Men here are not serious about family, they expect women to stay home while they go out each night with their friends and drink. I want a man who s serious, mature and who wants to be with his wife and family. I have met Americans in the past and they seem more reliable and mature." Elena rejects the idea she is a "Mail Order Bride"

Why do men seek a mail order bride: James Goodwin, 43 of South Carolina says, " I meet women here all the time, but I just can not find the values I am looking for.. I have dated here for more than 20 years, After three days in Kiev, I was shock at how many beautiful women I met that I would consider marrying, now I am just trying to reduce my options and pick the right one. It truly is the fastest way to find a beautiful sincere women.

So what is the cost, the cost can range greatly from site to site and from type of service, AFA or loveme.com offers everything from letter writing, tours and executive services for the rich and famous. As little as $12 to as much as $25,000. The owner John Adams say's the best way is just go over and meet then women, avoid letters and never waste money on expensive chat. You can meet up to 1000 beautiful women in just 10 days, it will be the greatest vacation of your life. Joe Nail of ForeignLadies.com, has stayed with the traditional Letter Writing, Each letter is $7.50 and but say they do plan on offer some limited chat option.

Many sites like,foreignwomen.com, PhilippineSinges.com, and UkraineSsingles.com, that offer simple unlimited membership for $29 per month. These type of site also target pacific regions, like Asia, Latin America or Eastern Europe.

There is also a site for mail order grooms; SingleMenOnline.com, that caters to men publishing their photos in hopes to meet an American Bride.

James Dunn, who is a ghost writer for review sites says "You get what you pay for. Membership sites to do not screen the members at all. so you never know who you really are writing, The big boys require the women to apply in person in one of their local offices. The companies that offer group tours will introduce you to hundreds of beautiful women, for the cost of $1000 to $3000 depending on location, about the same you would pay for any vacation. Several companies also do individual tours these can range from $750 to $1500, But only arrange one to one introductions, Always make sure they are biased in the USA or EU, Most of the complaints come from small agencies that are desperate and need to make as much as they can from you. Just a note, if the company is based in an a foreign country you will have no recourse if they do not follow through.


So do mail order brides exist, If you belive a if a woman is a mail order bride if she lives in another county then Yes, But if you believe it just another dating option like any on-line dating site, matchmaker or dating service, than No. . It really seems like a doubled standard in the world, If a women meets a man in Italy or France, then oh that is so romantic, but if a man meets a women in Philippines, than ....
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:22 AM
Rozie Rozie is offline
Master
Join Date: May 2016
Location: California
Posts: 1,118
  Rozie's Avatar
I think the difference is if you have a relationship with the person.

In the past, communication was by pony express and it was like a blind date.

People can use whatever term they want. A 'bride' from a different country might be looking for a ticket out of a difficult situation and viewing the relationship as a means to an end, or an arrangement.

That is where the lines blur. Can it work out? Be the real thing? Absolutely.

If you worry about what other people think, then you shouldn't
'
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:36 AM
Shaunc Shaunc is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 765
 
I married a filipina and it was the smartest decision I've ever made in my life. We've been married for 16 years and we have 4 kids. The 2 oldest she helped me raise as I was on my own with them. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:36 AM
Shaunc Shaunc is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 765
 
I married a filipina and it was the smartest decision I've ever made in my life. We've been married for 16 years and we have 4 kids. The 2 oldest she helped me raise as I was on my own with them. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:37 AM
Shaunc Shaunc is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 765
 
Sorry I don't know what happened there.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:49 AM
Goddessa Goddessa is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 321
 
I see a lot of this type of thing here in South Africa too. Many many men from Europe and various other parts of the world coming here to meet women - mainly black women from what I've observed. I'm not sure if these relationships are organised via the internet or some agencies though. A few years ago there was a trend among Afrikaner males who were getting wives from Thailand. These were definitely organised and motivated by the fact that Afrikaner males preferred their women a bit subservient and ultra feminine and the women's motivation seemed to be a quest for a better quality of life - financially (at least according to one article I read at the time). For a while there we're many of these couples around but lately I don't see them anymore.

I personally know a few couples where the men are from Germany, France, Belgium, Chile with African wives and children. Most seem to end up settling here.

Lately I've also noticed a huge influx of African American males in Johannesburg. All with South African partners - the ones I know are with black women too. I'm also not sure if these are organised.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-03-2017, 04:39 PM
EndoftheRoad EndoftheRoad is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 453
  EndoftheRoad's Avatar
Had two neighbors who did the mail order bride deal, and it by all definitions appeared real. Although looking back on it, both were odd relationships that seemed to be set on older values of marriage. One neighbor rarely let his wife get out on her own, almost keeping her like a prisoner. Whenever I had the chance to talk with her away from her husband you could see the relief in her eyes to just be free for a little bit.

Then when you read ShaunC's post you see the complete other side, where its caring and family based.

Alot of the times the basis or contract is that one will take the other out of wherever they are and to show them another world. Pretty simple concept. But if you want to make something more of it, thats up to those who sign up.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-03-2017, 05:03 PM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
Master
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,087
  7luminaries's Avatar
Men can find women with integrity and high moral standards. However, most men everywhere look at women as a source of sex and comfort. That is the same situation these women describe in their own countries.

If men pursue women first as friends and get to know and love them as people and as beloved friends, without pressing them for sex and chores and splitting bills, without love or commitment...then of course men can find lovely women of quality and honour anywhere on earth.

The difference is that the men who seek women from elsewhere have something inherent in them that the local men do not...they are foreign and can offer a better quality of life in a more democratic and less coercive social setting, with at least some guaranteed rights and freedoms of citizenship. These things really appeal to many women worldwide, who lack those freedoms and often that standard of living.

The man only has to commit and take her seriously...but the thing is, a commitment to self and others, and having respect and honour for self and others, make all the difference.

That level of commitment that the man brings to his mail order bride is what makes it different for him than with many men dating women in their own county. Yes, it is more of a business agreement, with both sides presumably very clearly knowing what they are signing onto. Though of course, the parties can develop a sincere love and affection if they build a solid connection that is just as I described...based on getting to know and love one another as friends and as people first and foremost (otherwise, no "love" can endure for long, particularly with sincerity and passion.)

But the main thing is, the man brings his commitment to the process. He feels he is in control and that he has something to offer. The process is structured, and he always has final say -- as there are many women who are on offer. The expectation is that the ladies are adoring and grateful, presumably forever ...because the man has arrived and saved them from poverty, oppression, and/or at least from the hordes of disrespectful cads who don't take the ladies seriously and just want to use them for sex.

But the men from the West have just as often treated the women in their own countries like prostitutes...used them and then talked them down. LOL...
So...it's not so much about how a couple met or where they're from (those these are all a part of everyone's personal stories and that's fine)...Rather, in the West and in these ladies' home countries, both...the man is typically not bringing his commitment to the process when he goes out with women at home. He knows he often has to step up to "court" a good woman, to treat her with respect (not just pushing for sex). To get to know her more as an equal in these modern times. And many men don't want to be bothered.

Many a man feels he is not in total or overwhelming control, unless the woman is giving herself away and on offer 24/7...to confirm his control and domination over her. Without having this advantage up front (of sexual exploitation and penetration, without authentic love), instead a man at home feels that he has only himself to offer, which is basically the same as the woman. Without the man making demands ("commands") which she must then meet (or "obey", like a servant or sex slave), they would just be two earnest people who are bringing their hearts and minds to the table.

Thing is, without a boatload of advantage to hold over others to control and manipulate the situation, many men will not engage with women (at home and wherever they live), as simple equals and potential friends and partners. They do not want to be real, to be courteous, to honour others at the level they wish to be honoured. Weird, eh? And they definitely don't want to have to take time to know and care for most women, whom they only view as potential sex outlets. Clearly, if these attitudes and positions were to change, real engagement and real love would stand a real chance.

YET...IMO it's really ALL about the love and the respect a man brings. It's ALL about the clarity and focus...and clearly about the level of commitment...that a man brings to his dealings with women. If a man wants to court a woman, to get to know her for the purpose of growing an authentic love for her as a person and as a potential partner...then he can find a woman of beauty, heart, and character anywhere. Who loves him for who he is. But in order to do that, the man naturally has to give all the love, the honour, the respect, the time, and the presence that he in turn wishes to receive.

That is the key...authentic love between open hearts is reciprocal and transparent...it is both giving and receiving. It does not seek the power or the advantage in every situation. Yet anytime a man can take a shortcut to get all that without giving all that in exchange...many will (if not most). Anytime a man can press his advantage to get what he wants without giving a lot of those intangibles in return (love, honour, respect, time, presence)....many will.

Instead, to break the cycle of fear and the need to dominate and control women, men need to think of women first and foremost as people and as friends...would you use your friend? Do you have to dominate and control your dearest friends and fam at all times? Would you as a man try to give as little as possible and just take what you want? Would you press your advantage to try to control and structure their lives to suit you, regardless of their needs or who they were?

That's not how you treat your beloved friends, or your beloved family. And that's not how men should still be looking to treat women in the 21st century. But we're largely not there yet. We're in a transition phase and men are still looking for ways to press their advantage or exchange their position for what they want without having to give an iota more than they care to do. Many men are still looking at women sexually most of the time, without rising to their centres where they can meet all others, including women, as people and as beloved friends first and foremost. Thus honouring the women with whom they do partner with an authentically loving and committed partnership -- within which sexual intimacy is welcome.

If a man honours a woman and takes the time to get to know her, he can and will find an authentic love in the vast majority of cases...overwhelmingly. Right here at home for the most part, wherever "home" is for the men around the world. But if a man does not do these things...if instead he looks always to the much younger, less stable, less mature women -- or to vulnerable women he can reliably control or dominate -- or always to women who will give him sex early on and figures he will "see how it plays out" -- then he is disrespecting both himself and the women. And his odds of building a real and authentically loving connection are very slim indeed, of course.

It's all inside...it all starts in the heart...and it all ends with how we approach and treat one another. Be love now, and love is wherever you are. Including day-to-day, on the ground. Those are my thoughts.

Peace & blessings
7L
__________________
Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.

Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.

For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way

and become themselves despite all opposition.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-03-2017, 12:01 AM
Clover Clover is offline
Deactivated Account
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: ☘️
Posts: 10,271
 
My mother in law worked in the legal spectrum of immigration. Not only are mail brides are very much prevalent, but the international business of marriage. Its not just a woman thing, single men in underdeveloped countries are also known to pay up to 10 thousand + dollars to an American woman for a marriage arrangement. As soon as they come to the US and assimilate, they immediately go through the divorce process. These marriages including the 'mail brides' really all is in part of attaining the American dream. A lot of these women overseas are living in poverty and complete destitute and are desperate to escape their circumstances. Every day people die in the US borders from Mexico to attain a better life, some get eaten by alligators, become drug mules, tortured by gangs, die in the dessert crossing, being a mail bride is another option imo. These women are probably more fortunate because they are selling their pretty face online

Latin America is a popular avenue for mail brides, and I often question what is the motive in mind for these American men who are paying up? To attain the stero typical 'submissive' exotic woman? What price do these women have to pay once they are purchased? While yes it is a two way street, many of these women aren't financially sufficient or stable so they are on the weaker end to be taken advantage of and even abused, so is it really a fair advtanage? I can imagine it is soul destructive if it doesn't come from a genuine and authentic place.
Just my opinion based on the matter
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-03-2017, 09:00 AM
Brucely Brucely is offline
Guide
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 712
  Brucely's Avatar
A mail order bride in my city won the lottery like 5 years ago. Coming to a first world and winning the lottery... Could u imagine
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:08 AM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums