Is It Better To Close People Off From Your Heart?

[Volaju]

I've decided its better to keep people away from your heart. I'll admit, I'm that guy who most people seemed to like only because they like to spill their guts to me and I just sort of take it and hold onto it for them - that or put myself through hell just to comfort them and what feels like for nothing. I empathize with people really closely, even on subconscious levels. Maybe its because I'm still young or something, but a lot of the people I found attractive I always got close to them despite they not really having anything for me -its always a one-sided thing. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I'm friends with most people is because they want to flaunt their egos at me, and I myself don't have a very huge ego and I don't really care how people perceive me.

It embarrasses me because people call me overly sensitive, but I don't know how not to be sensitive because I pick up on so much about people. It's difficult for them to hide things from me, and when they realize that they just start pouring their secrets on me, getting so close that its hard for me not to get attached in some way to who they are.

So I decided I'm just gonna start closing my heart off from people, does that make me a bad person? It hurts to think like that, and I sometimes start to cry because when I close myself off I feel like I'm being insensitive or not myself. Like I'm putting up walls. I end up being the guy who falls for teases a lot, and I mean a lot, most of the women (and some guys) I've met have left the impression that apparently I must be gay or something to them and sometimes I wonder if it would probably just be better if I take that route than deal with people who come off as getting close and saying things that get you attracted to them only to be turned away or teased. Honestly I don'r even like the term gay, but it happens a lot.

Should I start doing that to other people? It feels like these are the people I attract and I don't know why, it makes me reluctant to even want to look for relationships because I'm scared I'm just going to go through that again, hell not even looking, just getting close to someone feels like a bad idea now. Don't get me wrong, I can tell when someone is looking for a sexual relationship and I seem to have no problem with those, but when it comes to meeting someone where I want to be close and enjoy life with or talk to or something, it never really works - give or take one or two very close friends of mine who are strictly platonic. For one, in RL I am very quiet, most people talk about shoes and cars, and sports and all that stuff. I don't. I don't even watch sports, I like dressing nice but I sure as hell don't like talking about it. I don't watch cable so if you talk to me about any shows you love or something I won't be able to relate, often people like me because I don't talk about normal things - that's when I talk - I just say what comes to mind which isn't really weird for me.

People even thought my Fifth Chakra was closed or something, which it isn't, I can sing, I'm a talented whistler, speaker, and communicator - not amazing or the best though people tell me the most attractive thing about me is my voice especially when I go seductive mode ... which I don't do often. Few even told me I should be a voice actor and a narrator and I'm considering it. So if I close myself off, that means relating to people won't be through my heart anymore, which is how I usually interpret things. I'll just be this very silent and brooding character it looks like and I don't want to come off that way. I often think I'll probably live away from people anyways because I honestly don't like being around people a majority of the time anyways so...

What should I do? Do I come off as an ******* (which I noticed people around here seem to be attracted too for some reason?) and just close myself off from people now, I try to gauge it but ... I'm a very straight forward person. Do I become even quieter and just avoid most people because they tend to try and connect on levels I don't want to connect to them with? That feels like the only option, but it also feels like I am not being myself, like I'm wearing a mask.

[umbridge]

Thank you for sharing!
Seems like we are on a similar path.

People dont usually know a huge part of me. I go here in this forum every day and it feels like home..

People don't know I am such a spiritual person and that's ok..

I don't know yet what I am going to do with my relationship area..things just don't work out..I still miss my SC, it causing me even very suicidal thoughts..I try to cope with my life..trying to understand where I went wrong...

It just feels right now that I am totally lost.
I want to move out from where I live as quickly as possible...I can't stand people for a very long time who aren't spiritually aware...


I really don't know what I should do.

I see my own darkness...I seriously don't know what I should do....
Feeling like torned apart.. I would want just to be with my SC but something is still stopping me...Guides also give confusing messages..

[umbridge]

Its hard to say but I think about dying every day...
Seems like sometimes I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel...
I cry almost every night and just wish to go Home again...

[IsleWalker]

Darkest--

All I can say is, that idea backfired on me. Instead of "protecting" my heart by killing off those I missed, it closed off my heart to receiving anything--love especially. That eventually causes physical damage, not to mention what it does to you psychologically.

So I don't think you can tell your heart "don't feel". What you end up being is someone closed off to feeling love. And that's not good.

Lora

[Lynn]

Hello

For years I ran with a closed heart. Til someone that could read energy said to me I was like talking to a "Zombie" that there was all this compressions in me and all this help that poured from me to others but nothing touched me. I was like that dead flesh being of a zombie that just went through the motions. I had the compassion's there and it came from the heart as I did truly care about those that I reached just that I did not let anything reach back. Not out of fear of the heart being hurt more that I did not understnad that the heart is a two way flow of in and out.

When we look at the heart as the organ it is, blood flows in and blood flows out. It is the same with the emotional balance of the heart that we need to find. To close off means we cheat ourself of much good we can learn. To have a broken heart is not the best thing, and its something I have not had much of on the relationship levels. I deal with things so that its cleared and gone from me. In that it does not build up on you.

Take people for the lessons in growth that one can give one. Do not shut them out as one might find someone of great value in the mix.

I had one come to me once saying I have no clue why I am going to talk to you, I honestly can not stand a thing about you but I am told your good for me. Was so foul to me in the first contact I could have said get lost....I did not, I listened and I helped. We are good friends now.

So find that place of balance in taking the good with the bad but keeping the heart open to do its work. The last thing the heart needs is that dreadful plaque build up in its arteries.

Lynn

[Volaju]

Originally Posted by umbridge

Thank you for sharing!
Seems like we are on a similar path.

People dont usually know a huge part of me. I go here in this forum every day and it feels like home..

People don't know I am such a spiritual person and that's ok..

I don't know yet what I am going to do with my relationship area..things just don't work out..I still miss my SC, it causing me even very suicidal thoughts..I try to cope with my life..trying to understand where I went wrong...

It just feels right now that I am totally lost.
I want to move out from where I live as quickly as possible...I can't stand people for a very long time who aren't spiritually aware...


I really don't know what I should do.

I see my own darkness...I seriously don't know what I should do....
Feeling like torned apart.. I would want just to be with my SC but something is still stopping me...Guides also give confusing messages..

I wish I could relate so that I could help you - because you seem to be in a lot of pain. I don't want to close my heart away from people, because I feel so strongly for them, and I don't want to feel like I'm ignoring their issues - I want to help them and that's why I get close to some people. But like you say a lot of them aren't spiritual in anyway and they are so materialistic sometimes, or they feel very ignorant - and I don't mean that in a rude and defeating way as sometimes I wish I could go back to the old ignorance I had before meeting some of the people I met, before the traumas and such - ignorance really is bliss. But they can't connect with me on that level and thought I met someone who could - but they didn't either ... and I made the mistake that they could and it almost destroyed my life and who I am. And I still go through the pain of what happened and like you I sometimes get these really dark thoughts, I don't want to say because I was co-dependent of them or something, but more or less that after I realized all these bad things about myself and feeling like my future has been changed because of it - I'm not sure if I want to see it through to the end because I don't know if any good can come out of it.

Originally Posted by umbridge

Its hard to say but I think about dying every day...
Seems like sometimes I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel...
I cry almost every night and just wish to go Home again...

Please don't, there are people who care, I care ... even if it doesn't mean a lot, I do and I would be so hurt if you went that far - it hurts just to hear of someone being in so much pain that death seems like a better option than living. I want to help them, but I don't know how. But this is how my heart is, I feel this strongly even for what people think is just an Average Joe - not to me, no one is average and I get so deeply connected with the people I meet and sometimes its not a good thing because some people aren't healthy in their nature and that unhealthiness is projected on me and I have to fight to not let it ... imprint on me. Like when a wolf joins a pack, and meets other lone wolves ... their personalities, their memories, their deep thoughts and interesting things just stick to me.

I hope you find what you are looking for, I hope whatever is happening gets better. I hope that even if it takes distance you can overcome this. I know you can, you're a wise and powerful person, that and you have a strong and beautiful spirit that no one can take from you - not even yourself.

Originally Posted by IsleWalker

Darkest--

All I can say is, that idea backfired on me. Instead of "protecting" my heart by killing off those I missed, it closed off my heart to receiving anything--love especially. That eventually causes physical damage, not to mention what it does to you psychologically.

So I don't think you can tell your heart "don't feel". What you end up being is someone closed off to feeling love. And that's not good.

Lora

You're right, Lora. I guess I just need to wing it out and hope that all this just comes back. I don't know if karma is real or not, but if all this healing other's with my inner-self and being this way helps ... then maybe one day i'll get something out of it.

I'll keep my heart open, even if it hurts and is scarred sometimes. I'm just going to keep it open and just hope.

[Volaju]

That's so beautiful, Lynn, and that's exactly what I felt like. Like was becoming a Zombie and I don't want to do that. I don't want to numb myself from others just to run away from their emotions, I want to feel them and I want to know them. The feels, they really are so beautiful and yes some feelings are very painful, they are very very painful, but I want so much to feel that soul feeling with other's. It is better just to let it in and let it out - because the pain isn't permanent, and it goes away - but the beautiful feelings that are just so inspiring and completing. I can never distance myself from that - If I did I wouldn't be me. Those stay with you forever.

Maybe out there, there is someone willing to share that with me, that and all the people I meet have show me things, about the world, about myself, about the Universe. The only way I will know is if I keep my heart open, no matter how painful it gets. It reminds me of The Land Before Time, when Little-Foots mother tells him she'll be in his heart and if he listens enough he'll always hear her - and when he does she guides him like a mother always does - even to his friends, even to The Great Valley, his own little paradise.

Originally Posted by Lynn

Hello

For years I ran with a closed heart. Til someone that could read energy said to me I was like talking to a "Zombie" that there was all this compressions in me and all this help that poured from me to others but nothing touched me. I was like that dead flesh being of a zombie that just went through the motions. I had the compassion's there and it came from the heart as I did truly care about those that I reached just that I did not let anything reach back. Not out of fear of the heart being hurt more that I did not understnad that the heart is a two way flow of in and out.

When we look at the heart as the organ it is, blood flows in and blood flows out. It is the same with the emotional balance of the heart that we need to find. To close off means we cheat ourself of much good we can learn. To have a broken heart is not the best thing, and its something I have not had much of on the relationship levels. I deal with things so that its cleared and gone from me. In that it does not build up on you.

Take people for the lessons in growth that one can give one. Do not shut them out as one might find someone of great value in the mix.

I had one come to me once saying I have no clue why I am going to talk to you, I honestly can not stand a thing about you but I am told your good for me. Was so foul to me in the first contact I could have said get lost....I did not, I listened and I helped. We are good friends now.

So find that place of balance in taking the good with the bad but keeping the heart open to do its work. The last thing the heart needs is that dreadful plaque build up in its arteries.

Lynn

[sea-dove]

I'm that guy who most people seemed to like only because they like to spill their guts to me and I just sort of take it and hold onto it for them - that or put myself through hell just to comfort them and what feels like for nothing. I empathize with people really closely, even on subconscious levels.

You could of been describing me in the past there.

I know that trying to close ones heart off from others doesnt feel nice, I tried that for a while and it just wasnt me. I then just felt numb and blocked. I had to allow myself to feel and act again to ohters (thou Ive now been so hurt now its hard).

It was like I was the dumping ground for others issues, it would drain my own energy and leave me for little energy for myself. I couldnt turn anyone away (I even had people, strangers at times contacting me in the middle of the night for some help). After putting in so much time and effort into helping whoever (often helping a person for years), usually becoming friends, I found that when I needed some support, people just didnt give back. Ive had to cut off a lot of friendships due to that as those arent good for me, I need to be looking after myself too.

I was in my case forced to pull back some as my health crashed. Ive now learnt how to keep my heart open (its still shut down more then I'd like thou) but to give out in a balanced way. It took a long time for me to learn that. I dont think there is any easy answers to this. All I know is if I closed people off from my heart, it doesnt feel good at all and affects oneself, doing that felt like I was cutting myself not just off to people but to the universe itself.

But you probably need to pull back a bit, look after your own needs first. You need to learn to give in a healthy well balanced way (this could involve learning to say no or not giving some people as much of your time and energy).

[LadyMay]

No, it's not. Done that before. Created the most impenetrable walls possible.. it just ruined me so badly. An open heart doesn't mean being a walkover though. Learn to respect your own boundaries and you might find it easier.

[Volaju]

Thank you. I guess this is just something that will take patience int he end. I use to have a lot of that ... I don't know where it went, but it went somewhere.