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  #11  
Old 15-03-2017, 12:48 AM
shivatar shivatar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gem
Sounds like you are imagining you're doing what Jesus would do.

buzzkillllll
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  #12  
Old 15-03-2017, 11:45 PM
Gem Gem is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mindanalyzer
Not really, I am saying that maybe that's what I will have to do if it is my calling. Again, I am talking about spiritual war, not in the physical world

The spiritual path is one where one determines to face themselves truthfully by being consciously aware of their self-narrative and discerning its veracity. When we concern ourselves with the business of others we become distracted from conscious self awareness, which is ironic considering self-awareness is the key to being of benefit to all other living things. As we live human lives and experience suffering each in our own way, the 'path' leads through these and past them to the full enlightenment of beings. One can go through their life dilemmas, but also keep sight of the truth so that we do not become deluded and lost within our imaginary constructs of self. This basically means there is character playing a starring role in 'the story' which is part of the story and not apart from it, just as Aheb as the star of Moby D!ck is the central persona in and of the novel.
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  #13  
Old 02-06-2017, 09:33 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Greetings everyone.

I have been spending the past little while, looking for a suitable thread to post all my thoughts and personal experiences in.

I have a very deep soul-connection to God and I've had it all my life and there's a very good reason for it.

My parents shouldn't have been parents and yet, I was born to them to teach me something which I am only just finding out about now.

Ever since I was very young (from about 3yrs - 16yrs), I have been neglected and abused. "I love you" was never said to me and I was never encouraged to express myself or have any thoughts of my own.

It was always "sit down and shut the hell up" and "do what I tell you" and "don't talk back". If I even tried to say anything or question anything, out would come the jug cord or a belt or a feather duster - the closest and most convenient weapon my father could find and he would spend the next 10-15 minutes bashing me to a pulp.

My mother was no better. She never hit me but she was totally afraid of my father, saying "you better do what he says, for ALL our sake" and "why must you be so difficult?" and "you only have yourself to blame" and "you bring this on yourself" and "don't come crying to me"....etc.

There was no praise, no hugs and the only emotions in my dysfunctional household were anger and fear.

My parents wouldn't make sure I was properly dressed when I went to school...they told me I wasn't allowed to have any friends. The only solace I found was in books...when I tried to socialise or join in games, all the other kids just told me to eff off.

One day, a teacher saw me sitting alone and said "why aren't you playing with the other children?...go over there (pointed to a group of girls) and ask them if you can play"...so I did and of course, they told me where to go...so I went back to the teacher and told her what they had said.

Of course, they all got put on detention for a week and blamed me for it.

From that moment on, I was bashed up and bullied at school...when I got home, I was bashed up and bullied there too...I became everybody's favourite 'punching bag' and no teacher would help...the school counselor couldn't help...my parents hated me...the kids at school hated me...I felt totally unloved, unwanted and if there was a reason why I was even born, I couldn't see it.

So, one day, after a particular nasty bashing, I went to my room and just sobbed for hours on end "what use do I have?...why does everybody hate me?" It was then, I saw a brilliant white light and heard a voice "I don't hate you, I love you so much!" and this was the first time I had ever heard the words "I love you" and in that moment, I felt just how much He did.

After that, no amount of bashings and bullyings made any difference because I knew God loved me even if people did not and God's love felt so wonderful and incredible to me. From that moment on, God became my 'parents' and my 'friend' and my 'lover' and everything else I couldn't have in this lifetime. The whole reason why I was treated so badly was to find and love Him. This was how I came to believe in God and talk to Him in the first place. God was the only one I could talk to...the only one who listened...the only one who cared...who said "I love you" and gave me a hug when I needed it...who helped me through all the suffering.

Now, my father is spending the rest of his life in jail without any privileges for assaulting people and my mother suffered a stroke 20 years ago which left her paralysed from the neck down.

That's my story.
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Last edited by Shivani Devi : 02-06-2017 at 10:46 AM.
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  #14  
Old 02-06-2017, 02:31 PM
FallingLeaves FallingLeaves is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,385
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mindanalyzer
Yes, maybe we are both unlucky ...

I find your avatar interesting. Let me tell you that I have had countless dreams in which I appear as a warrior angel with jet black feathery wings

That's why I have been thinking of the possibility that all these fights/struggles could have a meaning, that all these sufferings and trauma was not for nothing

Jesus said two things that seem to oppose in our minds:

i come that you may have life, and have it more abundantly

and

i come not bring peace, but to bring a sword, and divide brother against brother, friend against friend

people want agreement with each other... just look at science, the whole thing is based on that premise! They can't take a step without agreement (or sometimes censorship). But people are unable to see that the way we've come to view it, the way we go about it, is a kind of sickness.

Left alone, we would all OD on agreement with each other and die. We love it that much! So there has to be division, fighting, and so forth to balance the picture, to keep us from going on to what would be our unnatural end. There always has to be an opposing view, someone somewhere who is unhappy with the status quo. Otherwise we reach the end.

We so hate that! And we don't understand why we cannot have the all-encompassing peace we so want! But really this whole place is about life winning out over death, and sometimes the things that have to happen are surprising.

my take anyway
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  #15  
Old 02-06-2017, 05:34 PM
Shaunc Shaunc is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 765
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Necromancer
Greetings everyone.

I have been spending the past little while, looking for a suitable thread to post all my thoughts and personal experiences in.

I have a very deep soul-connection to God and I've had it all my life and there's a very good reason for it.

My parents shouldn't have been parents and yet, I was born to them to teach me something which I am only just finding out about now.

Ever since I was very young (from about 3yrs - 16yrs), I have been neglected and abused. "I love you" was never said to me and I was never encouraged to express myself or have any thoughts of my own.

It was always "sit down and shut the hell up" and "do what I tell you" and "don't talk back". If I even tried to say anything or question anything, out would come the jug cord or a belt or a feather duster - the closest and most convenient weapon my father could find and he would spend the next 10-15 minutes bashing me to a pulp.

My mother was no better. She never hit me but she was totally afraid of my father, saying "you better do what he says, for ALL our sake" and "why must you be so difficult?" and "you only have yourself to blame" and "you bring this on yourself" and "don't come crying to me"....etc.

There was no praise, no hugs and the only emotions in my dysfunctional household were anger and fear.

My parents wouldn't make sure I was properly dressed when I went to school...they told me I wasn't allowed to have any friends. The only solace I found was in books...when I tried to socialise or join in games, all the other kids just told me to eff off.

One day, a teacher saw me sitting alone and said "why aren't you playing with the other children?...go over there (pointed to a group of girls) and ask them if you can play"...so I did and of course, they told me where to go...so I went back to the teacher and told her what they had said.

Of course, they all got put on detention for a week and blamed me for it.

From that moment on, I was bashed up and bullied at school...when I got home, I was bashed up and bullied there too...I became everybody's favourite 'punching bag' and no teacher would help...the school counselor couldn't help...my parents hated me...the kids at school hated me...I felt totally unloved, unwanted and if there was a reason why I was even born, I couldn't see it.

So, one day, after a particular nasty bashing, I went to my room and just sobbed for hours on end "what use do I have?...why does everybody hate me?" It was then, I saw a brilliant white light and heard a voice "I don't hate you, I love you so much!" and this was the first time I had ever heard the words "I love you" and in that moment, I felt just how much He did.

After that, no amount of bashings and bullyings made any difference because I knew God loved me even if people did not and God's love felt so wonderful and incredible to me. From that moment on, God became my 'parents' and my 'friend' and my 'lover' and everything else I couldn't have in this lifetime. The whole reason why I was treated so badly was to find and love Him. This was how I came to believe in God and talk to Him in the first place. God was the only one I could talk to...the only one who listened...the only one who cared...who said "I love you" and gave me a hug when I needed it...who helped me through all the suffering.

Now, my father is spending the rest of his life in jail without any privileges for assaulting people and my mother suffered a stroke 20 years ago which left her paralysed from the neck down.

That's my story.

That's a wow of a story. I hope that things have picked up for you in your adult years.
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  #16  
Old 02-06-2017, 11:18 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Posts: 10,861
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaunc
That's a wow of a story. I hope that things have picked up for you in your adult years.
Yes and no.

Due to the fact this all happened during my formative years, I couldn't form bonds with other people.

It led me to being a hermit and a total recluse, pretty much.
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  #17  
Old 05-06-2017, 07:11 PM
mindanalyzer
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Necromancer
Yes and no.

Due to the fact this all happened during my formative years, I couldn't form bonds with other people.

It led me to being a hermit and a total recluse, pretty much.

hermit and a total recluse -> sounds like me
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  #18  
Old 14-06-2017, 01:38 AM
AstralProjectee AstralProjectee is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 218
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mindanalyzer
I am not sure where to post this, so it will be done here:

These days I have been thinking about my life and why it is that some people experience so much violence and distress when growing up.

Does it have a purpose? To prepare you for life and for what is to come or just that you are a helpless victim of the circumstances of life?

I remember that I started fighting other kids when I was in 1st grade (even my brothers would make me fight other kids my age or sometimes older kids, claiming that they wanted to teach me) and my fights this did not stop until I started in high school. In my mind [at the time] it was all in self-defense but I know better now to know that I caused many of these fights.The peak was in 7th or 8th grade; it was hell on earth for me; I was in a boarding school and I would fight almost every day; it was almost a sport for us. I would estimate more than 100 physical fights in my life, which I think is a lot.

Sometimes I see kids that live in a good neighborhood, in a protective environment, being raised by loving parents and attending good/safe schools and I think of how lucky these are that will not know violence in their childhoods.

Sometimes I have this thought that my destiny is to fight evil and wickedness with nothing but violence, a sort of spiritual violence; to give them what they deserve. Not that I go around looking for trouble [on the contrary] but that the time when this will be needed will come ...

I get scolded because this is not, supposedly, what a good Christian should do, but I cannot help it. I believe in Jesus and I also believe that Jesus' return will not be like the first time; I believe that he will fight and destroy evil in all its manifestations

what do you think?
I was picked on by people like you in elementary school. And it did damage to my ego and self of self image and self esteem. I hope you rot in hell. OK that was a bad joke. Look you need to understand that it's all done and over with. Adults don't fight. And when they do anyone from the outside automatically sees it as childish or very mean.

You know what I do? I carry pepper spray with me. I don't intend on getting into a fight, but if I do, I know that I will likely have the upper hand. But I don't dwell on getting revenge on people like you. I don't anticipate danger or that I will serve justice when roaming the streets. LOL But seriously you really need to learn to express love, because you are putting yourself in great danger with this type of mindset in the afterlife.

I read a book by an ex-atheist named Howard Storm. And in the book Howard was very much like you, he would get into fights, and loved power. He eventually became an art professor and one day when he died in a French hospital he found himself outside of his body. He saw his physical body on the bed. Then he noticed that the surroundings were bluish. Note this is a classic sign of a real astral projection. But while being on the other side in the afterlife, astral or whatever you want to call it, he meet some beings that wanted to help him and bring him someplace. He thought he was still in the physical because he didn't know any better. So he thought he was still in a hospital. So he followed them down a dark grey area. Whenever he protested they would say stuff like "shut up we are almost there." Eventually he found himself in total darkness and he wouldn't go any further than that. When he refused to go any further they started to beat him, and every reaction they got out him him just fueled them on further an further to terrorize him. He was fighting back like he never fought before, but they loved it when he reacted. They blasphemed like you can't even imagine. Expressions of hate unthinkable in human form. Stuff not even Hitler could make up. They tormented him for a what seemed like a very very long time. By the time they were done he was in total absolute despair, and pain. He said is was beyond any kind of pain you could feel physically. And he's right the body dulls the souls level of possible pain. Eventually he heard something from his heart say cry out for Jesus. When he Jesus came and saved him and pulled him out of that evil place. He went to heaven afterward and was accompanied by beings of light, and they showed him many things. Then he came back to his body and told of what happened in the book "My Descent into Death." If you check out his book check out his first book which is unedited, they only sell that edition in used format.

The lesson is don't trust anyone that wants to take you into a dark or grey area in the astral/afterlife. Also don't fight, using those emotions can be dangerous. It's like bleeding blood in an ocean. Sure a shark may not find you but you increase your chances of having demonic encounters with all those negative emotions in the afterlife.

But to more fully answer your question, yes you just got unlucky. And perhaps some of it was karma related. I do believe in reincarnation. And to more fully answer this question I think it's best to read Howard Storms book to fully answer your questions. The angels told Howard in heaven that people need to be joyful. That can be hard for many of us as humans, but it's important for our spiritual survival that we learn to love with joy first and foremost. I know it can be hard, I speak from experience, but that is the best way. You can do things to help bring out those emotions of joy and love, by meditating, practicing self love among other things.

Again I promise you if you read Howard's book it will really help you. PM me if you want help finding the right edition.

I hope you get the help you need.
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  #19  
Old 14-06-2017, 01:45 AM
AstralProjectee AstralProjectee is offline
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Location: Chicago
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One more thing that I want to point out to you since you are a christian is these two versus.

Luke 9:54 When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked, “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them[b]?” 55 But Jesus turned and rebuked them.


Then this happened when they tried to take Jesus.
Matthew 26:51
Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. 51 With that, one of Jesus’ companions reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.
52 “Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.
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  #20  
Old 14-06-2017, 04:14 PM
mindanalyzer
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AstralProjectee

I read a book by an ex-atheist named Howard Storm. And in the book Howard was very much like you, he would get into fights, and loved power. He eventually became an art professor and one day when he died in a French hospital he found himself outside of his body. He saw his physical body on the bed. Then he noticed that the surroundings were bluish. Note this is a classic sign of a real astral projection. But while being on the other side in the afterlife, astral or whatever you want to call it, he meet some beings that wanted to help him and bring him someplace. He thought he was still in the physical because he didn't know any better. So he thought he was still in a hospital. So he followed them down a dark grey area. Whenever he protested they would say stuff like "shut up we are almost there." Eventually he found himself in total darkness and he wouldn't go any further than that. When he refused to go any further they started to beat him, and every reaction they got out him him just fueled them on further an further to terrorize him. He was fighting back like he never fought before, but they loved it when he reacted. They blasphemed like you can't even imagine. Expressions of hate unthinkable in human form. Stuff not even Hitler could make up. They tormented him for a what seemed like a very very long time. By the time they were done he was in total absolute despair, and pain. He said is was beyond any kind of pain you could feel physically. And he's right the body dulls the souls level of possible pain. Eventually he heard something from his heart say cry out for Jesus. When he Jesus came and saved him and pulled him out of that evil place. He went to heaven afterward and was accompanied by beings of light, and they showed him many things. Then he came back to his body and told of what happened in the book "My Descent into Death." If you check out his book check out his first book which is unedited, they only sell that edition in used format.

Thank you. I just ordered the first edition of this book (used in amazon)
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