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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 27-06-2019, 02:23 AM
SaraTherase SaraTherase is offline
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Boundaries

A loss of boundaries occurs when an immature person gives up all of his or her structure, internal and external, and fuses with an ideal, a person, or something else to avoid maturing. The immature idealized “falling in love” that we have all seen as destructive is always a problem in which someone needs to be brought back to reality. If someone has this tendency, they need character and spiritual growth to mature enough to face life and relationships in a more balanced way. E.g.. Selfish gratification of passion at the expense of another person, or of heartbreak, or of immature, dependent, addictive romance.

Simply put, a boundary is a property line. Just as a physical fence marks out where your yard ends and your neighbors begins, a personal boundary distinguishes what is your emotional or personal property, and what belongs to someone else. You can’t see your own boundary. However, you can tell it is there when someone crosses it. When another person tries to control you, tries to get too close to you, or asks you to do something you don’t think is right, you should feel some sense of protest. Your boundary has been crossed. Boundaries serve two important functions. First, they define us. Boundaries show what we are and are not; what we agree and disagree with; what we love and hate. When you are clear about your values, preferences, and morals, you solve many problems before they start. Boundaries keep good things in, and bad things out. When we don’t have clear limits, we can expose ourselves to unhealthy and destructive influences and people.

An example of healthy boundaries

• Have my own time and space and respect others need for theirs.
• Be honest about my desires and intentions.
• Make a conscious effort to maintain friendships outside of my relationship whilst respecting my partners needs for this also.
• Be myself and feel comfortable around others and if I do not, will not choose to be around such people.
• Allow my personal connections with others to change, grow and evolve as they should naturally for the better and if they become negative or unsafe will severe the connection.
• Put myself first and honor my own needs before those of others.
• Respect others and be respected in return.
• Not be manipulated or coerced into doing anything that I don’t want to.
• Not tolerate abuse or disrespect.
• Take responsibility for my own choices in life.
• Focus on fixing myself and my own life.
• Be responsible and self-sufficient.
• Take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and emotions.
• My personal space, home and possessions are to be respected.
• My need for privacy is to be respected.
• I will implement and assert my boundaries with and to others when necessary.
• I will be honest and direct with others in a kind and loving way.
• I will not allow toxic people into my life.
• I will not allow others to assert power and control over me or instigate jealousies.
• I will not people please at the expense of myself and my own feelings.
• I will not rely upon others to give me attention or make me happy.
• I will not allow others to take advantage of me sexually.
• I will not associate with those whom treat me poorly.

You and only you are responsible for what is inside your boundaries. If someone else is controlling your love, emotions, or values, they are not the problem. Your inability to set limits on their control is the problem. Boundaries are the key to keeping your very soul safe, protected, and growing.
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  #2  
Old 27-06-2019, 07:31 AM
Lorelyen
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The problem of what you refer to as "immature" falling in love is usually a response to fundamental drives suppressed in people by religion (often becoming law in a country) ending up as social conditioning. But the drive is there, burgeoning, building up tension searching for release. The immaturity to me is lack of understanding of what's going on. That also is withheld from most people particularly the young.

It's that same lack of understanding that's played on in marketing techniques to sell things that people don't need. You don't sell a product, you sell an idea.

Boundaries need care. Useless if someone closes themselves off to dialogue leading to the compromises often needed to let a relationship flourish. Too much "me and mine" can put a barrier between people who could otherwise enjoy a relationship. Haven't we all met people who try to turn a relationship into a bureaucratic procedure?!

Just my view.
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Old 27-06-2019, 08:07 AM
Gem Gem is offline
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Really well said. I'd just like to add that boundaries reflect important ethical principles, starting with consent or permissions, as relationships are basically negotiated and the boundaries define the nature of the relationship and our roles or place in it. A boundary is basically the power of yes and no in this sense. That power is also the essence of self-determination, and where yes and no is a crude representation of consent, self-determination is extended as deciding for yourself and living in a way that you like. We do have to make concessions for others, sometimes begrudgingly, but without feeling so obligated that we lose our own determination. As you say, aspects of safety and protection depend on the ability to set clear boundaries, and 'drawing the line' where it needs to be.
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Old 27-06-2019, 09:35 AM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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A good subject but what does this have to do with Soul Mates & Twin Flames?
Also, you don't need spiritual growth in order to have healthy boundaries, you need personal growth. Proper self-esteem and self-confidence and so on.
Not having boundaries doesn't make someone immature, it makes someone insecure. You can be very mature but not have healthy boundaries.
I also think we always have some form of boundaries, maybe not in all areas of life.

Something that happens a lot is that women have self-confidence and healthy boundaries but when it comes to the arena of love they go out the window.
So you may need different boundaries & rules for that aspect of life.
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  #5  
Old 27-06-2019, 10:52 AM
SaraTherase SaraTherase is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
The problem of what you refer to as "immature" falling in love is usually a response to fundamental drives suppressed in people by religion (often becoming law in a country) ending up as social conditioning. But the drive is there, burgeoning, building up tension searching for release. The immaturity to me is lack of understanding of what's going on. That also is withheld from most people particularly the young.

It's that same lack of understanding that's played on in marketing techniques to sell things that people don't need. You don't sell a product, you sell an idea.

Boundaries need care. Useless if someone closes themselves off to dialogue leading to the compromises often needed to let a relationship flourish. Too much "me and mine" can put a barrier between people who could otherwise enjoy a relationship. Haven't we all met people who try to turn a relationship into a bureaucratic procedure?!

Just my view.

'Immature love' aka underdeveloped and lacking self discipline due to conditioning, trauma, illness, age, lack of experience etc, etc. I agree that it stems from lack of understanding usually due to a lack of boundaries ever being practiced or even established within the family unit.

Imo everything needs more care, that's one of the biggest problems humanity faces today. Some people need hard boundaries due to mental health problems, emotional trauma or general sensitivity. Some people seek out another that they can get lost in to avoid confronting real life or there own issues and challenges. I think if you really understand and care for someone you will find a way to meet one another half way whilst respecting each others boundaries.
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  #6  
Old 27-06-2019, 11:16 AM
SaraTherase SaraTherase is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FairyCrystal
A good subject but what does this have to do with Soul Mates & Twin Flames?
Also, you don't need spiritual growth in order to have healthy boundaries, you need personal growth. Proper self-esteem and self-confidence and so on.
Not having boundaries doesn't make someone immature, it makes someone insecure. You can be very mature but not have healthy boundaries.
I also think we always have some form of boundaries, maybe not in all areas of life.

Something that happens a lot is that women have self-confidence and healthy boundaries but when it comes to the arena of love they go out the window.
So you may need different boundaries & rules for that aspect of life.

Soul mates and twin flames are interpersonal connections that occur in a relationship. Boundaries are implemented within a relationship to ensure that both parties have the same clarity and understanding of not only the relationship itself but what one another is comfortable with within said relationship. It's helps to build a foundation of stability, security and trust and I think it's very relative to this thread.

Imo as we are all souls evolving through a physical body experience personal growth and spiritual growth are very much interconnecting, one in the same as one greatly effects the progression and advancement of the other.

Someone whom doesn't have any boundaries may behave immaturely within a relationship due to feeling insecure or other reasons.

I do agree with you that when it comes to love, some people (men and woman) can loose all parameters so to speak.

Regardless I think being aware of boundaries can only help not hinder an individual or heartfelt connection.
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Old 27-06-2019, 04:22 PM
Ciona Ciona is offline
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Catalysts often teach healthy boundaries to their connection, yes definitely a soul lesson.

You can have good heathy boundaries in one area, and be terrible in another and not realize it also. The catalyst shows you the simultaneous truth in the heart center you are missing. Wonderful for evolvement.
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  #8  
Old 30-06-2019, 10:42 AM
SaraTherase SaraTherase is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ciona
Catalysts often teach healthy boundaries to their connection, yes definitely a soul lesson.

You can have good heathy boundaries in one area, and be terrible in another and not realize it also. The catalyst shows you the simultaneous truth in the heart center you are missing. Wonderful for evolvement.

In my experience it has been really painful but it sure serves it purpose lol
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Old 01-07-2019, 07:41 PM
Ciona Ciona is offline
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Originally Posted by SaraTherase
In my experience it has been really painful but it sure serves it purpose lol

That they do lol
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