I have found the best way to deal with “difficult people” is to quiet my mind. Although this in and of itself may be difficult when you are at work and need to have your mind engaged in your work. Our mind will grab hold of what others say, and even if we are trying to resist we are still engaged in the interplay. Again, for me, building up silence within myself when I can, allows me to have that thick blanket of silence within me to go to when I need it.
So I was going through some boxes of stuff, which contained things from my past, and I came upon lesson plans, etc. that I used to use when I was teaching psychology classes. One of the boxes had some information on “difficult people” which I used to share with students.
The information listed the patterns of “7-types of difficult people:”
1. Hostile-Aggressive’s; Bully and overwhelm with cutting remarks and throwing tantrums.
2. Indecisives; They usually stall until the decision is made for them.
3. Constant Complainers; Gripe incessantly but never try to do anything about what they complain about.
4. Negativists; Say “no” to everything and deflate any optimism.
5. “Clams;” They always respond with yes or no and never elaborate.
6. “Bulldozers;” Know it alls who act condescending and try to intimidate others with their knowledge.
7. “Super-Agreeables;” Very nice people who agree with everything you say but never follow through.
It also listed some information on how to deal with these stereotypical patterns of so-called “difficult people.“ I’ve listed below only a few words from the information regarding how to deal with these perceived difficult characteristics from a counseling point of view.
1. Hostile-Aggressives; You must stand up to them without fighting and give them time to regain self-control.
2. Indecisives; Make it easy for them to tell you about why it is so hard for them to make a decision.
3. Constant Complainers; Avoid the accusation defense re-accusation pattern. Try to move to a problem-solving mode by asking specific information related to facts.
4. Negativists; Do not get dragged into their despair. Do not argue with their pessimism. Make realistic statements about their past success.
5. “Clams;” Ask open ended questions but do not fill in the silence with conversation. Help the person open up.
6. “Bulldozers;” State correct facts or alternative opinions as your own perceptions of reality. Provide a means for them to save face without agreeing with everything they have said.
7. “Super-Agreeables;” Listen to their humor . There may be hidden messages in their quips or teasing remarks. Try to get them to bring their true feelings to the surface.
This information may be outdated as I’m sure techniques have evolved since the days when I worked as an instructor.
All of these suggest engaging with the person, but most of all do not let another person’s problem become your problem. Try to learn why about yourself from others, even if they are considered difficult by you. In my opinion the people who we attract into our lives, be they “difficult” or not, are there for a reason. Often that reason has to do with us looking at ourselves. As the “Rules for Being Human” says “Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.”
If you ignore a person who is bothering you but your mind is still engaged in how they bother you it may lead you to resent that person, or even cause you to develop what some call “passive-aggressive” behavior towards that person. The spiritual approach is to remain quiet inside, quiet your thoughts, and I’ve already listed some of the psychological approaches. You can use a combination of both. Stay in love with yourself and you may be able to unconditionally share that love with others without saying a word.
Peace and Good Journey
Linear Mode
