Searching for someone, but..

[Emmalevine]

Hmm I empathise as I'm very similar to you and struggle with social events/relationships for the same reasons. I have learnt to make small talk but I don't particularly enjoy it. For me it's worse in a group as people are less inclined to share on a deeper meaningful level so the conversation is often superficial and to my mind often boring and pointless.

I feel your pain...

I do think it's important to be yourself as someone out there will appreciate you even if it takes a long time to find them. However if you need to connect with others somehow then it's important to try and find a way into their world, at least to some extent. This is what I did. I try to do the social bit despite being a strong introvert, and it has paid off when people realise I have a thoughtful, quiet and deep level and resonate with that.

Society can be very superficial and often people feel they have to follow the crowd to belong. Connecting with such people is very valuable. So it works both ways.

[purplefinch]

Originally Posted by 1Eris

Small talk is taught. If you look, you'll see families that pass on those skills and families that don't. Ever since my babies could sit down to a dinner and talk I would ask them questions about their day over dinner. Really simple things as 'what made you smile today?', 'did anything make you laugh?', 'was anyone naughty?'. They're only five and six years old now and we chat to those questions over dinner.

Children can be taught this, but it doesn't mean they are going to grow up to be great at it or like it. I had the same thing growing up. Do you think it will make them better in the future? For the shy children they will get accustomed to familiarity and simply feel more at ease with those they know, in this case, their parents or relatives chatting with them. And when they go to talk to strangers that familiarity is not there.

Why do some people struggle with small talk or networking? because for them it feels disingenuous. For me I keep it at the bare minimum. Last week I went to a special job fair and I went up to one company. I didn't feel comfortable with them nor with my being disingenuous. Didn't feel right for me. They say fake it till you make it but it's better to be authentic.

[CarolineD]

I think the secret to finding love and getting married, if that is one’s goal, is not to focus on how others did it as the best or exclusive way for it to finally happen, simply because their destiny is not your own. Just like their love was not meant to be my love, or your love, their way of finding that love was meant for them.