A continuous process of letting go...

[jro5139]

Since my tf decided to be a part of my life again, I have come to this realization. It is not about letting go and then they come back, and that's it, you're done. It's a continuous process of letting go everyday, or at least that's what it seem to be for me. I have to continuously let go, every time we talk, I have to let go again, when we don't talk, I have to let go again too. Everyday, I have to let him go and let him live his life. And I guess just trust... that he will keep coming back, what? If it's right, if it's supposed to be, if he's the one? I don't know, I'm not even sure I believe in that stuff.
I also realized that I need to accept this everyday for what it is, without expectations of what it may be in the future. But that is easier said then done. In the last couple of weeks, I have gotten some pretty profound signs. Really specific stuff that almost knocked me to my knees. So I am supposed to have these signs but not read anything into them? I'm trying to do that, just observe, without judgments.
Even having him back in my life, is really hard. I've been going through the whole gamete of emotions. I'm trying to figure out everything that I need to work on, does anyone see anything that I am missing? Suggestion are appreciated lol.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Since my tf decided to be a part of my life again, I have come to this realization. It is not about letting go and then they come back, and that's it, you're done. It's a continuous process of letting go everyday, or at least that's what it seem to be for me. I have to continuously let go, every time we talk, I have to let go again, when we don't talk, I have to let go again too. Everyday, I have to let him go and let him live his life. And I guess just trust... that he will keep coming back, what? If it's right, if it's supposed to be, if he's the one? I don't know, I'm not even sure I believe in that stuff.
I also realized that I need to accept this everyday for what it is, without expectations of what it may be in the future. But that is easier said then done. In the last couple of weeks, I have gotten some pretty profound signs. Really specific stuff that almost knocked me to my knees. So I am supposed to have these signs but not read anything into them? I'm trying to do that, just observe, without judgments.
Even having him back in my life, is really hard. I've been going through the whole gamete of emotions. I'm trying to figure out everything that I need to work on, does anyone see anything that I am missing? Suggestion are appreciated lol.

from what I can tell, life with a twin just causes me to make one rationalization after another about why we aren't together and what I should do about that fact. Whether I should throw her out or try to accept her in some way like what you've done here with yours. I finally decided the endless roller coaster was ridiculous, and came to the point of throwing up my hands and saying 'she is going to hurt me, one way or another, and there ain't nothin' I can do about it'. Doesn't solve anything in particular, but then again all the trips I was takin to here and there to try to resolve the situation and make myself comfortable weren't working either...

[FairyCrystal]

I think what I've said before: sever the connection.
It is SO much harder to not do that. Like you say and describe, you are constantly going back and forth in emotions.
It's not healthy, will do you in. Why do that to yourself?
If you love someone set them free. Do that for them, but also for yourself. It's also if you love yourself set yourself free.
But yeah... you're likely going to continue anyway. In that sense it's pointless asking others since you will keep doing what you're doing until you are ready to say "no more!" and choose you.
ANd it may hurt to hear, but if he truly loved you or cared, he wouldn't do this to you either. He'd withdraw so you too could heal and move on.
Take care of yourself!

[jro5139]

To be fair, the going back and forth in emotions is my own issues. He hasn't done anything to make me doubt him. So why would I break up a perfectly good friendship, that seems to have the possibility of becoming more, because he might hurt me? Anyone could hurt me that I choose to let in, that is always a possibility with any relationship. Of course, if I feel that I am being played I will break it off, or set some strict boundaries about keeping it a friendship only. But he hasn't given me that indication and he wants me in his life too. I just don't know what this is going to be yet.
I am more at the place now of trying to figure out everything that I still need to work on. And I have plenty of self love, that's not the problem. It's just being patient, accepting that he is going to move at his own pace and letting him have the freedom to live his life. And mostly, concentrating on and working on myself, which seems to be working quiet well actually. I just need to keep it up. I guess I am also hoping I don't miss something that I need to work on, something that might be key to it working out or not, because it's so easy to get blinded by your own emotions.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by jro5139

To be fair, the going back and forth in emotions is my own issues. He hasn't done anything to make me doubt him. So why would I break up a perfectly good friendship, that seems to have the possibility of becoming more, because he might hurt me? Anyone could hurt me that I choose to let in, that is always a possibility with any relationship. Of course, if I feel that I am being played I will break it off, or set some strict boundaries about keeping it a friendship only. But he hasn't given me that indication and he wants me in his life too. I just don't know what this is going to be yet.
I am more at the place now of trying to figure out everything that I still need to work on. And I have plenty of self love, that's not the problem. It's just being patient, accepting that he is going to move at his own pace and letting him have the freedom to live his life. And mostly, concentrating on and working on myself, which seems to be working quiet well actually. I just need to keep it up. I guess I am also hoping I don't miss something that I need to work on, something that might be key to it working out or not, because it's so easy to get blinded by your own emotions.

I don't really get why you asked here. You get a reply, don't even read it properly, create your own version of it, jump to conclusions and then write based on that.
It has nothing to do with you doubting him or not.
A perfectly good friendship wouldn't upset you all the time, it would add to your life and make you happy. This connection doesn't. Also, you wouldn't expect, hope, dream, and want more from a perfectly good friendship. You'd be happy with it being just that.
And this: "the going back and forth in emotions is my own issues."
That may be so, but it IS triggered by this connection and his behaviour. If he was a friend of yours you probably wouldn't put up with that as then it's not a friendship but a source of trouble.
Someone doesn't have to be bad in order to be a source of trouble.
Also, that statement "the going back and forth in emotions is my own issues." is what any woman would say who gets abuse. Making up excuses for another, taking the full blame and responsibility. This is not much different. It's always a sign that someone isn't strong enough to stand up for themselves, draw a line.

But alas. You clearly don't want to say: I cannot sever this connection, even though I should because it is not healthy for me.
THat's why I said:
"...you're likely going to continue anyway. In that sense it's pointless asking others since you will keep doing what you're doing until you are ready to say "no more!" and choose you."

And again, if he did care he wouldn't even want to upset and hurt you all the time. It's the one thing men hate. They'd rather rip of their arm than hurt someone they care about, especially a woman / (former) love interest.

[jro5139]

Well I appreciate you trying to help. I'm not "upset all the time"; not at all and I'm not hurt. I am happy that he is back in my life and excited to finally have a friend to talk to about spiritual stuff. By saying I'm experiencing a gamete of emotions, I just meant that I get nervous that he won't end up following through with the things that he is saying. I'm sure this is my own insecurities as he isn't giving me any reason to think that he is not being honest. I don't want to sever a connection because I'm scared he won't follow through, why would I do that? There is no reason for me to sever the connection at this time. And like I said, I'm mostly happy, just dealing with the last bit of insecurities on my part.
The thing about expecting, hoping and dreaming of more is a little difficult. Because I will always want more with him, and yes, it could come to a point where I feel it is best to end the friendship because of it. But right now, I don't know that it will not end up being more. I just have to be patient and see how it all plays out.
I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm just trying to be rational and not freak out on him because he is moving at his pace, and not mine, which isn't fair to him, I don't think.

[carebear]

Your walking on eggshells not to scare him away yet your the one being taken on an emotional rollercoaster ( per ur original post). That’s not a good space to be. It’s an indication your peace is disrupted

Why are women so afraid to ask for what they want.? If twin flames are so special where is the direct, open and honest communication? If you already asked and still didn’t get what you need than the answer is clear as day for you. Unless being friend zoned is a comfortable space for you than keep doing what your doing

I once posted on this section too. Trust me, the waiting until he was ready wasn’t worth it. It only caused pain and confusion. I never doubted the energy or connection, even to this day unlike anything i ever experienced..but....... I agree with Fairy here, sometimes it’s best to put your foot down & let that person go if you can’t get what you need, mainly for your sanity. I am in a healthy committed relationship now. I could never go back to the old path. Growing sometimes is moving forward.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Well I appreciate you trying to help. I'm not "upset all the time"; not at all and I'm not hurt. I am happy that he is back in my life and excited to finally have a friend to talk to about spiritual stuff. By saying I'm experiencing a gamete of emotions, I just meant that I get nervous that he won't end up following through with the things that he is saying. I'm sure this is my own insecurities as he isn't giving me any reason to think that he is not being honest. I don't want to sever a connection because I'm scared he won't follow through, why would I do that? There is no reason for me to sever the connection at this time. And like I said, I'm mostly happy, just dealing with the last bit of insecurities on my part.
The thing about expecting, hoping and dreaming of more is a little difficult. Because I will always want more with him, and yes, it could come to a point where I feel it is best to end the friendship because of it. But right now, I don't know that it will not end up being more. I just have to be patient and see how it all plays out.
I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm just trying to be rational and not freak out on him because he is moving at his pace, and not mine, which isn't fair to him, I don't think.

Thank you for taking the time and your honesty!
I do wish you all the best with all my heart.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by carebear

Your walking on eggshells not to scare him away yet your the one being taken on an emotional rollercoaster ( per ur original post). That’s not a good space to be. It’s an indication your peace is disrupted

Why are women so afraid to ask for what they want.? If twin flames are so special where is the direct, open and honest communication? If you asked and still didn’t get what you need than the answer is clear as day for you

I once posted on this section too. Trust me, the waiting until he was ready wasn’t worth it. It only caused pain and confusion. I never doubted the energy or connection, even to this day unlike anything i ever experienced..but....... I agree with Fairy here, sometimes it’s best to put your foot down & let that person go if you can’t get what you need, mainly for your sanity. I am in a healthy committed relationship now. I could never go back to the old path. Growing sometimes is moving forward.

Thank you for the response. I do have pretty good open and honest communication with my twin, especially now since he is more willing to openly talk about stuff that he wasn't before. I have let him know how I feel to a certain extent, but I also don't see any reason to demand that he jump into a committed relationship with me right now or else I'm gone. Nor do I feel like that is what is has to be right now. I'm fine with things moving along at the pace that they are. I just get insecure and worried that he won't follow through with the stuff that we talk about at times, and that is what I'm trying to work on with myself.
I don't want to push him into something if he's not fully ready. He seems to have a good understanding of where he is and what he is ready for. He told me there is one major thing he is still working on with himself. He also just moved states a few weeks ago and said that he needs to get settled and take care of of few things. He said he would not have contacted me if me coming to see him wasn't an option. He also said he is "sure it will happen."

I also decided that I want to wait until I see him and spend time with him in person to talk to him about what this is and going to be. And let us spend some time getting to know each other again, it's been 2 full years since I last had a conversation with him and 3 years since I've physically seen him. So I'm not trying to demand we establish a committed relationship today or anything. When I see him in person, I will establish what he wants this to be and decide from there what I can accept. I also want to be understanding, he is not even legally divorced yet. He may not be fully ready for a relationship. I don't think it's fair of me to demand that it has to be that right off the bat.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Thank you for taking the time and your honesty!
I do wish you all the best with all my heart.

Thank you, same to you