how do you move on with your life????

Originally Posted by Swfoxtrot

Only advice I can give for people on these journeys is ride the wave

This will be my fist anything on this site. It is nearly 4 in the morning the day after my sm/tf decided his time within his marriage was not finished. I admire him for his choice. I also feel sickened at the thought of sleeping but know I'll have to face it eventually.

I've been one who's experienced meeting two tf in this life. There was nothing I could do to redirect or "choose" to not love and constantly long for the first one, SJ, who passed on in 2006 after our being in each other's lives off and on for 33 yrs. We both married other people and tried to lead lives apart and no matter what we were still drawn back to each other.

I didn't think it possible for me to love another and was more than a little shocked to discover an even stronger connection about 2 1/2 yrs ago. I don't want to go through life without him and yet don't believe there would be any comfort if I were to actually take steps to leave this life. I imagine how awful it would be if I were to give up and then just a few years later he'd become available. Besides, I'd just have to come back anyway, no point in that.

I can go through life in such a way that only those who really know me would have a clue as to the heartache I experience each day we are apart. I can't say that I'm heart broken, I'm really not. I'm thrilled that I know him and get to love, and be loved by, him; thrilled that I can feel it when he is wanting to hug me. So, I came here to see if anyone could help with how to manage my heart. It looks like riding the wave is how it is. Thank you all for your posts, they have helped me not feel so alone as I sit here in the dark. I'm going to try the sleep thing again.

Originally Posted by Wolfie

This will be my fist anything on this site. It is nearly 4 in the morning the day after my sm/tf decided his time within his marriage was not finished. I admire him for his choice. I also feel sickened at the thought of sleeping but know I'll have to face it eventually.

I've been one who's experienced meeting two tf in this life. There was nothing I could do to redirect or "choose" to not love and constantly long for the first one, SJ, who passed on in 2006 after our being in each other's lives off and on for 33 yrs. We both married other people and tried to lead lives apart and no matter what we were still drawn back to each other.

I didn't think it possible for me to love another and was more than a little shocked to discover an even stronger connection about 2 1/2 yrs ago. I don't want to go through life without him and yet don't believe there would be any comfort if I were to actually take steps to leave this life. I imagine how awful it would be if I were to give up and then just a few years later he'd become available. Besides, I'd just have to come back anyway, no point in that.

I can go through life in such a way that only those who really know me would have a clue as to the heartache I experience each day we are apart. I can't say that I'm heart broken, I'm really not. I'm thrilled that I know him and get to love, and be loved by, him; thrilled that I can feel it when he is wanting to hug me. So, I came here to see if anyone could help with how to manage my heart. It looks like riding the wave is how it is. Thank you all for your posts, they have helped me not feel so alone as I sit here in the dark. I'm going to try the sleep thing again.

Love and hugs to you Wolfie. You are definitely not alone, we're in here know exactly how it feels to feel heartache on daily basis each day we're apart from our SCs.

Originally Posted by vanessatrine

Love and hugs to you Wolfie. You are definitely not alone, we're in here know exactly how it feels to feel heartache on daily basis each day we're apart from our SCs.

Thank you for your encouragement Vanessatrine.

It took a while to get to sleep and I believe I dreamed all night long about what I'd read here and how to apply it to my life. Last night I felt so lost and barely hopeful but when I woke today I was thinking about how many wrote that they cannot have any physical contact with the one they are longing for. I don't yet know the clear definitions of Soul mate connection and Twin flame, but I know that connection with DOJ is undeniable. I might not ever stop longing to experience the ultimate intimacy two souls can share while also in the physical body but I am intensely fortunate that right now I have a choice to remain in contact with him. First and foremost we are friends in the truest sense. We have offered and shared love while seeking what is truly best for all, not just the two of us.

Don't get me wrong, I "want" him by my side and in my bed but I know for that to be the life we share, here in this incarnation, there is much that would need to take place to make it acceptable. We tried the "affair" route, which we both thought could never happen. I had no idea how healing it could be but the time came when we had to step back. I am single but for him to forsake his sense of duty to his marriage was harmful to everyone. Sometimes I hate myself for intentionally sending him back to address his mission there but I love him and could do nothing else.

So, yesterday he managed to get off the fence between wanting to be with me and fully commit himself to his marriage. He had to get to that point and I know it. Otherwise he'd never be able to discover if he belonged there or not. The risk was he'd be living day to day, hoping things would fail and know he hadn't given it a fair shake, therefore he wouldn't be able to make any other choice but to stay. Personally, I think it is not him that needs to be set free but her. Until he can love her enough to set her free to be loved as deeply and passionately as he and I experience, I can't imagine things working out with us. BTW, he, his currant wife and I have shared a past life before where she and I were both is wives. It's a small existence, isn't it.

I'm afraid this is going to be way to long so I'll try to wrap it up. The bottom line is that I do have the option of being his friend, his cheerleader in the back ground and he for me. After a night's (well, almost) rest, I think that we can create some ground rules that will allow us to interact and not interfere with but continue to support each other's missions as soul, without my going crazy!!! This is all a new concept so the big question is... am I in denial? I welcome feed back from anyone reading this, if you have the time and inclination.

How do you move on?
What can you do that may help?

Currently am trying to ignore my feelings and ignore it all and hope in time it will simply fade away.

Originally Posted by Natalia

How do you move on?
What can you do that may help?

Currently am trying to ignore my feelings and ignore it all and hope in time it will simply fade away.

Gentle hugs to you Natalia. I'd add a hugging emoticon but the things smile and my heart isn't smiling because of your pain.

I don't have the answers. I know for myself the feelings never faded. When SJ and I met we were young and foolish with so much to learn. (We had been actual twins in a past life and came in with the empathic link in this one.) One day he walked away and I didn't think he'd ever come back. I heard it was important to move on so I found a man with children I dearly loved. He wanted a mother for them and they came as a package deal, so I married him. SJ's response was to "move on" too by getting married. We spent the better part of 29 years trying to not be together for one reason or another. His efforts included heavy drinking and when we couldn't avoid the connection any more, it was too late because his addiction was more than I could live with. Even though he passed in 2006, he is and always will be a part of me. Even now, I can't say the feelings have faded at all, it's just that I'm resigned that we can't be together in this cycle.

Now with DOJ, one I see more as a soul mate than a twin, I am working on the hope that if I create guidelines that we can agree upon, then maybe we can have contact that is supportive of each others mission as soul in this incarnation. I also figure that if we are in contact then we will have the chance to be together if that door opens for us. I'd rather years of hellish restraint while being in contact, than to not be in contact with him.

Thank you Wolfie I needed that.
I am very sorry for the physical loss of SJ. I am also sorry about the parting. It must have been agony to have this parting take place and never fully resolving it before he left this physical plane. I wonder if there will be another incarnation where this can be resolved or if you will both meet up in the soul plane to resolve it?
I am happy you have a soul mate to have companionship with in this lifetime you are truly lucky.
Some never find one!
It brings me to ask this..........Since I never experienced this before until I met him. That bliss state where it's love and you know they love who you are and who you reflect and vice versa (call it the divine self reflected back to one another in the mirror?)
Can I have that again? Will that come again? I have this fear.....because I just do, that lets say he believes there will be other lifetimes and we will incarnate again so its okay if we missed the love boat on this one lifetime...would If I don't believe that? Would if I fear that this was a soul I may be connected to at a soul level and got to meet in the physical but would if I never get that chance again to meet in the physical? Would if this was it?
Is this where faith comes?
And faith in what....faith in soul mates? Faith in the afterlife? Would if we just don't know. Would if it's just hopeful? Wishful? Would if this was a chance that has slipped through my fingers. Will this kind of love come again in my lifetime?
Superficial and shallow just wont do. Not now that I have had a taste of a soul connection like this. And funny thing is...I can smell them a mile off...a man that is interested in YOU and who you are from a man that is simply not interested in who you are but what you'll be like in bed.
I can say it has shown me that. Shown me what the difference looks like. I know how easy some of us can be fooled into thinking someone genuinely cares until a certain calls for them to forget all about you.

After saying all this though...deeply in me a part whispers that this is always. In your heart, you know it. You are never separated from that love.
The physical may be a representation of that love...yet the love itself is always eternal.
So I guess what I hope is....will this physical representation of love stand before me again?

Natalia,

It is nice to be chatting with someone who understands so much of what this experience is like.

It took months before I let myself cry over the loss of the physical body of SJ. I was afraid if I started I might get lost in the grief and not be able to function. I felt fortunate to discover that I can let it out a bit at a time. It's rather intense, but I still get to function after it passes. The funniest thing of all was that he'd stopped believing there was anything left after the death of the body. But there he was, no body, standing at the foot of my bed and I just had to laugh. Poor thing was not happy about being wrong. For a while he continued to visit me, I could feel him and sometimes smell him but it's been years. I suspect he's on a new mission now.

Will we get another chance? DOJ is one who says that if this is all real, then we will get another chance. I remember more than 20 past lives and only ONE had a happy romantic union which was true and lasted. It was with him. I don't know if that was our only chance or if we will ever get another one.

I understand what you are saying about how life changes after experiencing that deep connection. That "moving on" thing society said I should do was not a very good thing for me. I really think I should have stayed alone. I never lied. There were four serious relationship arrangements in the 29 years SJ and I were apart before he passed, (I can't call them being in love but there was deep caring) and they knew all about SJ. (Those relationships took up about 11 of my 53 yrs.) I thought if we were up front with the circumstances that we could create a fulfilling life together. The men would still say it was good to be with me and they were sorry to see it end but I couldn't be happy and it took work but I got them to admit they weren't either. It just wasn't enough.

I keep telling myself that just because it didn't work with them doesn't mean it can't ever work. When I was younger, I didn't really care if I were alone or not, I was just looking for ways to be useful. But after being with DOJ, being without him so much worse than just being alone. I've never wanted a distraction before but I do now. I'm fighting against my fears. If DOJ is never available in this life, I hope there might be a chance make something work with someone. However, I might be even more sorry if I go down that road. The truth is, I've come to suspect that if I am not with my soul mate then I am in the way of someone else being with their soul mate.

My biggest fear is that this life is not about getting to be with our soul mates but just about working out karma and learning our lessons. The thought makes me want to cry and hate that we have to exist at all. I pray that is not the reason we are here.