Fighting someone who couldn't be defeated, gums

[Sunset Dragon]

Most of my dream is a blur, but I recall being in a messy building in which me and many others needed to evacuate. There may or may not have been some fire as I seem to recall a fire extinguisher, though I may have intended to use it in as a weapon. In the back room furthest from the exit, I dumped out the contents of a few backpacks but there was nothing but rubbish. I thought about the mess I was making, but shrugged it off knowing that it was the job of the building's cleaning crew to take care of it. I then thought about taking one of the backpacks, but one of its straps was broken.

The room I was in then became my own bedroom, appearing mostly empty, though it still branched off to the rest of the building that wasn't my home. I found myself in a tiresome battle against a young man with a shaved head and not miles different from my own appearance. He was a nightmare to overcome as he'd only return, regardless of what was done to him. In my stress and frustration, I at one point threw him out of the high window, hoping the fall would kill him. He cracked his jaw, but in a heartbeat was back in the room with his jaw swollen into a ball. He had a big grin as he stood there and seemed to let me soak in the fact that he was back, then again attempted to attack me. I took him down to the ground, but as I looked down at him with his big grin, he made a weird comment in a voice that seemed to take pleasure from causing pain, telling me that he 'had my gums in his mouth' (specifically, past tense, I had your gums in my mouth). It all seemed like one big laugh to him. I told him that he was wrong, disgusted by his comment, but at the same time struggled in figuring out how to quite literally destroy him and get him to leave me alone.

A little insight into me, some current circumstances have been very challenging, and I've been finding it difficult to shoulder the weight like I would have done in the past. There has been a surge in difficult feelings and emotions and difficulty with expression.

I suspect that the backpacks full of rubbish have something to do with it, carrying something that no longer seems to serve a purpose. Perhaps there was a dump of emotions and an attempt to then carry one of the old backpacks, to maybe rinse and repeat, only with its broken strap it suggested that the old ways will no longer work. I feel it also ties into the evacuation and need to get out, except I appeared to be held back by a man (a version of myself) that seems to represent an inability to express (hence the damaged and swollen jaw and comment about my gums in his mouth). It could be, I suspect, that I am only expressing myself through this troubled version of myself, rather than in a productive way. Beating him up, or my beating up myself, only brings the problem back.

That's my take on it, but I'd love some more perspectives if anybody would like to share.

Thanks!

[kuurt]

That makes sense to me. Sounds like a good interpretation. It sounds like you're trying to get rid of or destroy an aspect of yourself that's symbolized by the young man. A part of yourself you want to get rid of, but are finding it hard to do so. And the process is stressful and frustrating. But, why do you think he has a bald head? What do you think that symbolizes to you?

[Michelle11]

Yes, I agree I think you did a pretty good job sorting it out but will add the fire likely represents something that felt like a threat that you had to run from but a part of you is making it hard to be at peace with yourself. You want to run from threats but maybe berate yourself for it. I would suspect the bald head could mean that you do it without thinking. You aren't reflecting so much on the situation but just automatically become self critical and hurting yourself in the process.

I'm starting to understand that how we feel isn't right or wrong. If we feel threatened by something we think we shouldn't be threatened by we can start to judge ourselves for it. The judging adds an extra layer of stuff to get past. Ideally if we can get to a place of being honest with the situation as it is we may be able to sort out not only why we run but learn how to be compassionate about the fact that we do run. It's not right or wrong that you feel overwhelmed by your situation. It is simply a fact that you feel overwhelmed whether you like it or not. Work on letting go of the judgment for the overwhelmed feelings and you may be able to resolve the overwhelm after.

One other thing I will also add is that the guy could be a type of person you feel threatened by. Maybe you are confronted with a lot of people who you perceive don't think about what is going on, they don't take into account your situation and just bash you for it. This is very upsetting to be in this situation. A part of you just wants these kinds of people to be gone from your life but until we confront what they are trying to teach us they will keep reappearing in our life.