Should I lie for my mother?

Originally Posted by lightworkerAu

I meant that for the op i put your name in by mistake and you read it before I changed it

............

[Triner]

Originally Posted by nalan

What if her brain is so messed up that she can't ever understand? She's a chronic sneak of an alcoholic; mixing that with other stuff has screwed up her brain.

What if her brain can heal?

What will a split in the family do to my father? He's already been disowned by his sisters because he supported his father's second marriage (after his mother's death).

What if there isn't a split?

The point is, that if she may not be capable of learning/understanding and she has ultimate control over my dad. She'll take it out on him in many ways.

The counterpoint is that she may be capable of learning/understanding. It seems to me that all of the things you said here are said out of fear. Fear of what may happen. Fear of what may not.

Only you know the correct way to go. But I think acting out of fear is not the way to go. I think Love should be what drives us.

Before I respond in length, I need to express that I am a grown woman with a husband and a 3 year old son.

Love should be what drives us

Then my truth is that love tells me to be open and honest with the authorities, to not retract my statement, and even show the pictures of the burises if necessary.

Fear tells me to do otherwise.

So I need to find strength and courage to face this. I will. I know we're never given more than what we can handle, but I sure could use all the encouragement I can get.

Ironically enough, my mom called as I was reading through these posts. Our connection is my son, and that is pretty much all we talk about now. This last week has forced us to face the fact that he is asthma, and now we're on a slippery slope as to which path to follow for his health. My mother offered to pay for him to go to a specialist that we cannot afford. Most of this is an act of love; part of it is her manipulation.

[Triner]

Originally Posted by nalan

Before I respond in length, I need to express that I am a grown woman with a husband and a 3 year old son.

nalan, I'm not sure if that's directed at me. But yes, I realize that. I peeked at your profile. If you thought I was being condescending, my apologies.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by nalan

Before I respond in length, I need to express that I am a grown woman with a husband and a 3 year old son.

Nalan - That changes my speculation...sorry. I guess I was assuming you were a teenage male. For shame on me. All still stands. If she has a long history of physically abusing either you or your Dad I think you know the answer. Perhaps if she gets involved in the judiciary system she can get the psychiatric counseling she so desperately needs that she may otherwise refuse. If you were forced to testify you couldn't lie to the court later. Just something to think about.

Blackraven

Triner and blackraven,
No need for apologizing. I took your counsel with its good intent. I felt that people needed to know my age and family situation for clarification. I should have been more clear at the beginning.

[Triner]

Originally Posted by nalan

Then my truth is that love tells me to be open and honest with the authorities, to not retract my statement, and even show the pictures of the burises if necessary.

Fear tells me to do otherwise.

So I need to find strength and courage to face this. I will. I know we're never given more than what we can handle, but I sure could use all the encouragement I can get.

Ironically enough, my mom called as I was reading through these posts. Our connection is my son, and that is pretty much all we talk about now. This last week has forced us to face the fact that he is asthma, and now we're on a slippery slope as to which path to follow for his health. My mother offered to pay for him to go to a specialist that we cannot afford. Most of this is an act of love; part of it is her manipulation.

Remember to be open and honest with your mom too. Her growth out of the cycle can start at any time. Having her realize that she need to face the ugliness of her actions without manipulating her way out of it will start it.

Also remember to focus on what the positive outcomes of this expression love can be. Give those positive outcomes energy. Let go of the fear. Use the strength inside you to be a force pointing your mom the way to go. Saying "Stop it!" is the first, huge step.

Much love and peace and support,

T

Hon..

Don't enable your mom any longer. She needs to finally take responsibilities for her actions. She won't do that if she keeps getting "get out of jail free cards" from you and your father (pun intended).

I know that it's hard to see your mom have to go to court with this, but she is an adult and she did assault you. If you give her a pass on this, it'll probably get worse. There's a very real possibility that she may drink herself to an early grave. Maybe spending a few days in jail might encourage her to try and get sober.

[skygazer]

Originally Posted by Triner

The counterpoint is that she may be capable of learning/understanding. It seems to me that all of the things you said here are said out of fear. Fear of what may happen. Fear of what may not.

Only you know the correct way to go. But I think acting out of fear is not the way to go. I think Love should be what drives us.

Triner so eloquently posted the message I was thinking.

It's your call, but be in the light rather than the shadow of fear.
All the best to you.