How to heal a pattern of terror

[Ewwerrin]

Since 2012 for every positive emotion I allow myself to feel, an equivallent negative painful situation and negative emotion, shows up. This started with a bliss experience that transcended time and space, of just minutes, followed by a slow decline into an unexplainable despair and experiences of duality that plunged into 3 years of psychotic terror day and night nonstop, wake and dream. And the next 7 years of that I somehow managed to meditate to make this duality smaller but its still always here. Incapacitates me. Every time I allow myself to experience any emotion, I am incapacitated to the exact degree that I do. This does not allow me to activate my thought. Nor memory. It means I have to meditate 24/7. I have been seeking therefor a way to escape from this duality ever since.

All 5 senses fractalized also in dream, since.

Every positive emotion I allow myself to feel, will always have a negative consequence, coupled with a negative emotion. Where does this duality come from? Why is it here for 10 years now in my life and still today?

[lostsoul13]

I’m not to sure could be karma or if you could give it a positive string~ allowing your self to feel these feelings—- there’s people like me that can’t feel anything but happiness- and depression would be welcomed… it’s like a plague ( everything is upbeat and Positive and happy more than the positive of bliss I gain from it) it’s a depression without the depression…

I can relate…

Just be mindful as feeling and thinking are different- it’s trying to teach us a lesson.. but what the lesson is a different thing from what we take from it??

Hope it gets better!!!

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by lostsoul13

- there’s people like me that can’t feel anything but happiness- and depression would be welcomed… it’s like a plague ( everything is upbeat and Positive and happy more than the positive of bliss I gain from it) it’s a depression without the depression…

Thanks but... You dont feel anything but happiness? and its a plague? What? how is happiness a plague? Are you sure it is happiness you are feeling or do you just call depression happiness?

[utopiandreamchild]

It's a long road and at times things can be really tough but you've got to keep moving forward in a positive light, if only for the sake of your own piece of mind.

Be the master of your own thoughts and emotions and love unceasingly.

I know what it's like to struggle emotionally and I have for the last 11years so I can definitely say I've been there and done that but sometimes you just have to fight for what you want and also being persistent in love ( thought, word and action) helped me tremendously.

Never give up.

Arohanui utopia

[lostsoul13]

Originally Posted by Ewwerrin

Thanks but... You dont feel anything but happiness? and its a plague? What? how is happiness a plague? Are you sure it is happiness you are feeling or do you just call depression happiness?

I say ‘ feeling’ but I reckon it’s entanglement ~ from my twin flame it’s constantly upbeat or happy until a bliss feeling is determined: it seems like it’s a depression- because it’s not inline with my ‘ego’ feelings~ I feel rather flat and sober, serious even to serious for happiness-but becomes quite bugging —- I don’t get to experience anything else which makes it seem fake and flagrant…

But I’m suspicious it’s my communication with my twin flame- that just use are measuring the entropy ‘feelings’ god hasn’t measured us yet or it would collapse?? So physics states..