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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Death & The Afterlife

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  #21  
Old 26-03-2014, 12:42 AM
livingkarma
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Quote:
Originally Posted by revolver
Yes it certainly sounds like you have dealt with that, my mum died at 54 from cancer, we are all different and we all grieve in our own way and our own time. Just like a wound to the body it also needs to heal in its own time, and emotional pain is no different. I now have left my mother go and I am much more happy, but at the time I had to do what I needed to do, I hope the pain you have will soon be healed, so as you and your dad can move on.

Yes, as you've stated in so many words "grief is a process" ...
No matter how different we all may think we are, there are human experiences we all share ...
If this were not true, we wouldn't look to others for advice or wisdom ...
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  #22  
Old 26-03-2014, 02:28 AM
Tobi Tobi is offline
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Dear Belle, what we call 'grieving' really doesn't have a time-limit. Because our love for that Soul has no time limit either. Tears will come sometimes. That's okay. It really is. Sometimes tears are made of love, and just emotions overspilling. Can you smile with memories of love while you cry? If so, the tears make rainbows!

Even when we know that they are in their spirit-home, and that they do still love us (as true love shared cannot die) -we still miss their company from time to time, and that's natural.

It's also true what LPC said. When we send them our love from our heart, whether that's with quietness, with laughter, or tears of love -they will 'hear' us. They will know we think of them. They might send us what I call an "Astral Text" (a quick glimpse of their Soul energy which says "Hey, I'm fine. I still love you. See you soon.") This doesn't last long -it's just like them 'touching base' with us for a few seconds, then seeming to disappear again.

They might be able to come to visit us. When we find we are surrounded by their energy, just out of the blue one day, and maybe we think it could only be our own thoughts....well, many times, it's them.
And then there are dreams. The dreams which often are visits are the ones you always remember -that are clear, that wake you up at unusual times, that you can go back to sleep after -and still remember clearly in the morning, and the ones where you just know you have been with that person/loved one.

Don't be too hard on yourself or expect yourself to 'snap out of grieving'. Maybe you never will. You will always hold a special place in your heart for your Dad, and probably always miss his company in this dimension. But love crosses instantly to him. If you love each other, you will meet again.
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  #23  
Old 27-03-2014, 11:06 AM
Dragonfly1 Dragonfly1 is offline
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Hi Belle love...I grieved deeply for my husband for 10 years...and even now after 33 years it sneaks up now and then on me....I never grieved my parents and not much for my siblings...but I know where they are now and I know they aren't gone...I'm so grateful for the knowing....Sweetheart...allow yourself to grieve as long as it needs...there are no time limits on love....(((hugs))) xx
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  #24  
Old 27-03-2014, 09:09 PM
Belle Belle is offline
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Thanks folk. I'm happy with my private grieving in a sense and those personal moments but I get alarmed when it spills over into a connection with others and talking about dads or something I find myself getting teary.

I guess I don't understand it. I'm happy that he's happy and in a better place.
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  #25  
Old 28-03-2014, 11:41 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is online now
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Belle.
grief can last for years there is no time limit some people take longer than others,i know of some people who get over grief pretty quickly but something triggers a crying session it doesnt have to be anything to do with grief at all. and they are left wandering why they started crying.


Namaste
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  #26  
Old 06-04-2014, 04:33 AM
Raven Poet
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Belle
I feel a bit indulgent with this - but nearly 2 years on - and I still grieve my dad. It wasn't that we had the closest relationships, it was one that was complicated but I'm filled with happy memories (rose-tinted glasses perhaps as i forget the difficult times ), but a phone call at the weekend with people who had known him who were talking about him and I found myself filling up.

Yes, I get on with my life, yes - it was better for him to have passed, he was old and infirm and had dementia. He had had it for 3 years and been frail before that - so I sort of "lost him" many years ago - 5 or 6 years.

I simply don't understand why it is so very very raw still, how tears can so easily be triggered. Yes, I accept it for what it is, no - I am not hard on myself for feeling this way as it is what it is. I don't know if the wrench is because it's a human condition of grief, or if he's trying to reach me and I can't hear him.

I wish I would move on - not just for my sake but for those I come in contact with as mostly I've avoided awkwardness when the tear trickles down. It's not that I want to stop missing dad, but I want to stop the emotional reaction, or manage it bettter.
Belle, dear, I remember you and I sharing posts about the loss of our Dads and some of the similar factors they had (dementia) and our relationship to them (not always the greatest)

I am so sorry, dear Belle. I don't have too much to say about why it is still so raw for you.

Hmmm ... does anything in you feel "stuck" about your relationship with your Dad? I'm groping for words here; forgive me - does anything inside feel like it wants to be expressed: words not spoken that want to be given voice; repressed memories that are painful that want to be raised and healed; a feeling of anger at him that never got expressed?

I do not to mean to bombard you with questions but one more thing - is there a thought you have around how long a person "should" feel raw or emotionally reactive for after the loss of a loved one?

A few years ago I read literature about "prolonged grief" - there were articles that talked about how interviewed folks said they felt "rushed" in their grieving, and resented being told that grief "should" take x to x weeks. (as if we were a computer that processes one of the most deepest human experiences in a methodical task execution and be done with it.) Grief is a very personal matter; it is complex and moves thru each person in a different way. The fact that you and your Dad had some times of distance in your relationship could complicate things more too.

I wonder about if he's trying to reach you. I don't have a lot of experience with loved ones reaching me from the Spirit world. I've had a few good dreams of my dad; you know, one of those powerful life-like dreams, and I always felt really happy, like we had a good exchange. I'm wondering how him trying to contact you could bring you raw tears? Because he's just out of reach?

Anyhoo, sorry for all the questions. Know you are not alone - never, ever. We are here for you, your guides and angels and ancestors are here for you - and so is your Dad, as his pure spirit self cleansed of human ego. Please be gentle and patient with yourself, dear. Commune with your inner knowing and surround yourself with the love waiting for you!
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  #27  
Old 06-04-2014, 04:36 AM
Raven Poet
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Belle
Thank you so much - I am by and large happy and it is just every now and again that something pierces my heart. I missed him yesterday I heard him in the wind and the clouds - I want to talk about him but that's not so easy.
Please know that you can talk about him here. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that is what SF is for - to help and support each other in a loving way. PM me anytime, too.
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  #28  
Old 20-06-2015, 03:42 PM
metal68 metal68 is offline
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I found this thread to be very helpful; it's just 5 months since mum passed away, we were close although we had had times when we really butted heads too. I have found that people expect you to get over it in just a few months but I can honestly say I have found it harder these past two months than in the immediate weeks after back in January & February.
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  #29  
Old 29-06-2015, 08:38 AM
Dragonfly1 Dragonfly1 is offline
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Condolences on the recent passing of your Mum metal (((hugs)))....people who haven't lost someone close don't understand the pain of passing of someone dear...They want 'us' to get over it, because it isn't comfortable for them to be around a grieving person. It always gets harder after the initial first weeks because we are busy and caught up in the processes of the passing.....people are around a lot and we don't have a lot of time to think....as time goes on others go back to their routines and we start to feel the loss more keenly when we have time to think about it.....grieving is a personal process that can only take as long as it takes for you to start to recover, no one can put a time frame on such a personal thing.....it never really goes away, but mellows over time until we feel whole again......the ones we love who have passed will always be in our hearts.....
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