Name 5 Nice Things About CHUCK NORRIS!

[Silver]

So many sharp people today ~ I remember that thread, SK!

*Chuck Norris knows the value of having a positive self-image. When he simply looks in the mirror his reflection literally says to him, "Damn nice beard you got there, dude!"

[Silver]

Hmmm, looks like there's a new God in town...besides Chuckie baby.

*Someone once invented a "Chuck Norris sex robot" for women, but unfortunately for them, just like the real Chuck Norris, his robot just didn't give a f---!

Chuck Norris:

1. Moderates the moderators!
2. Has his own "Chuck Norris Chia Pet" plant, but it only grows if you bleed on it and sing it "Kung Fu Fighting" by the Village People, twice daily!
3. Is the real Architect of the Matrix (and sports a PERFECTLY TRIMMED RED BEARD, not a fake white one like the pseudo-architect in "Matrix Reloaded")! "Ergo! Vis-à-vis! Apropos!"
4. Has a "secret fist" conveniently concealed in his beard to punch terrorists with, just in case he decides to LET THEM "capture" him alive and tie him up to a chair in a dark room, and then when they would get in his face and curse at him to reveal his deadly secrets, or else face torture--out would come his "secret fist" (which is attached to a special "umbilical cord" that extends from his chin, and can punch them up to eighteen feet away from his body, in any direction!)! (Sorry for revealing this secret, Chuck, but I just wanted to impress my friends here through showing them your GLORY!)
5: Sweetens his Kool-Aid with viper venom!

6: Only allows NBC to have a TV show named "Chuck" because he has a HUGE CRUSH on actress Yvonne Strahovski (the foxy BLONDE on "Chuck," or--should I say--soon-to-be ON... You know!)!

7. Considers me his cherished black godson because my dad's name is Charles (who has "Chuck" as a nickname!) and my birth name is Carlos (the Spanish equivalent of Charles--and so I am also a CHUCK!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!)!!!!!!!! (Hopes Mr. Norris will someday soon legally adopt him as a 35-year-old son, which is legal in the state of California!)

(image deleted by CHUCK NORRIS)

Chuck Norris recently walked into a Subway with no cash, and they immediately handed him a special "5-dollar foot-long" exactly the way he likes it--except that it was THREE FEET LONG--and they handed HIM five bucks! (Frightened Subway sandwich artist: "Y-y-you can k-k-keep the five, mah-mah-Mister Norris!")

Chuck Norris once angrily hit "delete spam" in his e-mail inbox, and the entire Internet vanished from existence. This happened in 1923.