Part of me is trapped i think.

[MaryMagdaQueenofQueens]

Lately I have been baby sitting a almost four year old who i am very close with.
Its brought me to an extremely profound and nauseating realization.

when i was her age and a little bit older i was being sexually abused by my baby sitter for several years.

Being around this child has brought up some severe emotions.

and i know why.

When i look at her i see me, and i see the part of me that is still very much alive.

In the most literal terms i feel like some where in some world My little girl self, that toddler who i was is still trapped in the hallway at that house.

like its all still happening over and over and over again.

But i am totally unaware of it. My mind wont let me feel or see. but i can hear the vibration and it effects me unknowingly.

Any advice would be appreciated. Just so you know I'm not destroyed or anything I hold myself together well and i have dealt with this issue as best I can. I'm not falling apart Im just feeling. I just need help learning a way to access and deal with this trauma.

[anotherlight]

Originally Posted by MaryMagdaQueenofQueens

Lately I have been baby sitting a almost four year old who i am very close with.
Its brought me to an extremely profound and nauseating realization.

when i was her age and a little bit older i was being sexually abused by my baby sitter for several years.

Being around this child has brought up some severe emotions.

and i know why.

When i look at her i see me, and i see the part of me that is still very much alive.

In the most literal terms i feel like some where in some world My little girl self, that toddler who i was is still trapped in the hallway at that house.

like its all still happening over and over and over again.

But i am totally unaware of it. My mind wont let me feel or see. but i can hear the vibration and it effects me unknowingly.

Any advice would be appreciated. Just so you know I'm not destroyed or anything I hold myself together well and i have dealt with this issue as best I can. I'm not falling apart Im just feeling. I just need help learning a way to access and deal with this trauma.

It seems you have lost a part of yourself because of a memory. To be reminded of it now that you are babysitting after all this time, tells me that it's something you need to address. And I believe these "reminders" are from Spirit. The only thing I can think of and am convinced it will bring some peace to you is healing. Everyone is capable of healing, it's not just for some. Healing is just seeing the perfection of something now. So sometime when it's quiet --maybe before you go to sleep-- think how you are healed in the light of the Christ. But don't stop there, also know that the one who abused you is healed now in the Light. If you believe in passed lives (I do) then also know that all the passed lives of you and the one who abused you are healed in the Light. Use Light, or say it however you prefer as long as it is of a spiritual nature. That's all you need to do but know it in your heart. It causes action from Spirit. And be sure to use present tense that you ARE healed in the light, and the one who caused this dilemma is also right now, healed in the Light. I think you get the idea, just don't think only of yourself, that babysitter who abused you is also in need of healing. Healing passed lives helps since present lives might be dealing with what started much earlier. Healing, is being forgiven and blessed. Never exclude anyone, see all as perfect now. And that will cause action from spirit to you, to make you whole again.

[MaryMagdaQueenofQueens]

I practice what you suggested regularly. That was a huge step in my journey when it came to dealing with the sexual abuse several several years ago. It has helped me alot it coming to terms with this, and i believe i have to a large extent. I dont have any negative emotions toward my abuser and i hold them in a dear place in my heart to be honest. I understand the human mind some what and i can understand why some one would sexual unbalanced enough to do that.
My problem is, it is seeming to be something i can't access. Lets pretend my Consciousness i a huge house. Theres a ground floor a top floor and a basement. I have only ever been to the bottom of the basement stairs but there seems to be something under the basement in the back of the hall way.
a locked door down into an even lower and darker cellar and i dont have a key but i hear crying and it stresses me out. I can't understand how there could be anything in MY house IM now aware of but i can feel the errie anguish coming from below the concrete, I hear sobbing.. and it makes me want to cry but i dont know how to get through to the other side.

[anotherlight]

MaryMagdaQueenofQueensWhen you speak of this "house" with the basement and the crying - is this a feeling you have, or is this from dreams? Whichever, you must know that there aren't these "rooms" they are all a way of showing you the discontent within yourself. The crying you hear, I think is probably really you. I would say to visit each of these rooms and fill it with light, ask that your guide (whether you know him/her or not) to be with you giving their energy to clear in love and light each and every room. Give the one crying (you) but you can call it "the one who cries" no longer cries because that one is blessed and filled in the love and light of the Christ for always. Do not acknowledge using any word that speaks in a negative way - only see the light that fills and surrounds the rooms and yourself. Do you have your own guide, that you know of? Regardless if you know of one or not, speak to your guide and ask that they keep you filled in the Christ love and light at all times. If you only knew how much you are loved in spirit. And by so many.

[dream jo]

yes i get it i feal way 2 i do