Why do i sabotage myself?

[Brucely]

I feel like whenever something good happens or when i meet someone new, i subconsciously push them away. This really gets me down as it happened recently. Everything goes good then i say or do something thoughtless and it ruins the relationship. somebody went from saying they love me in a flirty way to completly ignoring me

Ive been trying my best, i see myself as wise but then something like this happens and it ruins everything. What can i do? How can i change?

Hi Brucely,

For one, don't try too hard. Just relax as best you can on an encounter. Particularly let your face relax and act naturally, sort of neutral but with a smile ready somewhere. Like it or not those first few moments (less than 1 second actually) register a lot about you before it gets to the person's conscious awareness so you don't want to look stern or worried or tense, etc., just pleased. And then a casual tone of voice that carries an invitation to be a friend. Just show an interest in the person, let a friendship evolve.

Trying your best may simply induce tensions that will show. Affirm an optimistic view of yourself. You're wise. You know not to give yourself bad press so take care not to say something about yourself or your new friend that can overwhelm or put their guard up. Talk about neutral things like holidays or sports; places you like; music (taking care not to be too critical!) where you live etc., and see good in things. Positivity has to come from within you so you may have to do some work on that. You can only fake it to a small extent.

Just a couple of thoughts. Others will probably add their own ideas.
Bests.
_
♥

[Brucely]

Im the definition on relaxed. Its not so much about what recently happened with that person, but about why do people subconsciously sabotage themselves?

[happy soul]

It has to do with a negative view of yourself, and with not knowing your worth, innocence, and divine nature.

Try repeating affirmations like these:

- I am beautiful and worthy.

- I am divine. I am part of God.

- I am guilty of nothing.

- I am good enough.

- I am worthy of love.

- I am priceless. I am a being of infinite worth.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Brucely

Im the definition on relaxed. Its not so much about what recently happened with that person, but about why do people subconsciously sabotage themselves?

I have learned through my own causes that often it was my core issues in myself that would be more deeply ingrained to fight against myself. Often they reflect a interconnected way of controlling ones old world. So often I would find myself sabotaging as to not fully let go and let in what wanted to be in that space in myself. Fear and control are good manipulators. Trying to keep your old world going when change is seeking you to bring change to it can challenge one to hold on in various ways as to not fully let go to that change. Fear of change can arise as well, that did for me. Protecting yourself from feeling new feelings that too, where you once feared, joy and love might be difficult to feel and allow to be..I had a fear of feeling joy and love for a while after breaking through fears, so that too took time to open and feel safe to do so.. The list is endless really.. :)

Originally Posted by Brucely

Im the definition on relaxed. Its not so much about what recently happened with that person, but about why do people subconsciously sabotage themselves?

In which case it's a negative self seeping through. If you really believe it's subconscious you have work to do to turn it positive. You can put on all the smiling, happy front you like but the self behind it is signalled in subtle ways. People will pick them up.

"Why?" is anyone's guess. Have they been forced into a corner? Are they hitting out at some injustice in their lives (from birth to the present time)? Have they a grudge? A natural low self-esteem from the way they were brought up? All unwitting of course hence subconscious.

And if they want to turn it positive it's these things they have to contemplate alongside seeing moments of good in themselves, their experiences and realising they do have the stuff to become positive. It isn't difficult to find positive things about every day.

I'd suggest looking at affirmations as a way of escape but there's been so much drivel been written on this basically simple subject of late that I doubt anything offered in the affirmations section here would do much good. Discern carefully. Half hour drizzly videos and "an affirmation a day" are not the things to go for.

But your very question "Why do they sabotage themselves?" is the best negative affirmation I've read in a while.
Even declaring that "I'm NOT going to sabotage myself any more. I'm going to find ways out," would be a start. Tell that to yourself 50 times a day.

Naturesflow had (as usual) some very good things to say in the post above this.

♥

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Brucely

Its not so much about what recently happened with that person, but about why do people subconsciously sabotage themselves?

These patterns of self-sabotage usually go back to our early years and our experiences with other people, particularly our parents. We may develop a subconscious belief that people always eventually let us down or abandon us, and this becomes our expectation in all relationships. And then we tend to behave in ways which will push people away and prove that our expectations are correct. It is almost as if this is our attempt to control the process. If we believe deep down that so-and-so is going to abandon us sooner or later, then we behave in ways to make it happen.

The first step to any change is to become conscious of the process. Become aware of how you subconsciously push people away, see your patterns, see the results. Bringing subconscious tendencies to conscious awareness allows us to change them.

On the subject of affirmations, it was suggested that you affirm:
"I'm NOT going to sabotage myself any more. I'm going to find ways out,"

We are often advised to avoid negative affirmations eg "I'm NOT going to sabotage myself any more." Supposedly the mind does not recognise the use of the NOT and so the affirmation becomes "I'm going to sabotage myself any more."

I don't know how true this is, but it does make sense that we affirm what we want in life rather than what we do not want.

Peace.

Originally Posted by iamthat

On the subject of affirmations, it was suggested that you affirm:
"I'm NOT going to sabotage myself any more. I'm going to find ways out,"

We are often advised to avoid negative affirmations eg "I'm NOT going to sabotage myself any more." Supposedly the mind does not recognise the use of the NOT and so the affirmation becomes "I'm going to sabotage myself any more."

Peace.

Yes, I said it would be a start. But you're right. Likewise it isn't good to look on the past in an affirmation. Even one of the classics like "Every day little by little I become positive in every way," would be more effective than the one I suggested. Perhaps facile but the point is to make a start.

[Nature Grows]

DOUBLE POST HUG A GHOST

[Nature Grows]

I have also done the same as you OP, i have pushed people away before when i didn't want to and destroyed relationships as well, i will not do that again though, unless i want too. There was another thread i read by imawonderer recently saying she did not trust her boyfriend so they broke up, kinda similar to this and her star sign is Scorpio, it says on her profile, i think if i remembered correctly you Brucely are also Scorpio and so am i, sometimes it can be hard for us to trust people it seems, we need to let the people we are getting close with know this maybe, or tell them you want to get to know them well first... or just get to know them without saying that... But Brucely now that you know what you did wrong (not wrong you just didn't like the outcome) this time, you can make sure you don't do it again next time.

Nice posts from others too. Also Brucely did you try saying sorry for whatever you said that made the person upset?