My "Runner"--Open for Your Analysis...

[CRIMSON BLUE]

Originally Posted by Skylarkjen

Thanks Iseke and Crimson--I guess it is very much game playing with some immaturity thrown in...Sigh....He's very messed-up in so many ways. I can promise you that if I didn't have this insane connection with him I would never put up with this stuff. I have told him that too! Well, I told him that I have never tolerated that kind of thing from anyone else and I don't know why I do with him.

These things make the unconditional love concept a real challenge--isn't there a quote about there being a fine line between unconditional love and being a doormat?

Here's another thing--no matter what he does or how mad he makes me, I can't stay mad for long--like it's impossible.

If you read my TF story, you would know that I know exactly how you feel!! I have been playing this game with my twin for eight years. I look back on our bad times as a test! I wanted him to prove his love in my way and when he didn't I wanted him to feel the same pain I felt. Very immature and very toxic. The crazy extremes people go through for unconditonal love

Sky,
That man does not seem to care about your feelings.
He is disrespectable to your needs. He treats you very poorly.

It does not matter how you label your connection with him because it does not change who he is.
It certainly does not change the fact that your own relationship needs are not being met.

Soul connection is just a soul connection.
In order for a human relationship to work, you need the human physical and emotional compatibilities.

We are human after all.

Souls do NOT reincarnate to experience soul connections. Soul connections are eternal in the other plane.

Souls reincarnate for human experience and lessons through human sensory.

You need to balance your human needs with any soul connections that you encounter.

You need to think about the lesson from this relationship experience. It can be self respect and self love.
Sometimes, people hold on to a bad relationship because they are really fearful of being truely loved....

[Duset daram]

Originally Posted by Skylarkjen

My TF is a semi-runner. We see each other once a week or so and we've had a longstanding tradition that Thursday is our main get-together day. But he "runs" in more subtle ways--he's a big last-minute cancellation type, or he won't respond to emails. But probably the biggest way he runs is walling himself off from emotions (those are the emails he won't respond to btw!).

It's frustrating because in the beginning he was extremely open and it was amazing, but it didn't take long for the walls to go up. It made it hard for me to know what to do--do I keep trying to bring up more emotional things that I know he wants to avoid or will that completely scare him away? Like I said, if I do attempt this in an email, he will ignore it and if I say something in person, he will literally walk out of the room! So I try to navigate this, but I hate the "walking on eggshells" thing--I want to say what I want to say! So I do a little of both--I hold back some, but sometimes I try for more.

The holidays have not been easy because he gets extra weird, but the other day I told him (in email) that I missed him and asked when we were getting together. He avoided that email completely! But since today is Thursday and we would normally be getting together, he sent a vague email this morning saying "maybe" we could today and to text him later. I know from experience that when he does that, he will *always* ultimately say no. So I didn't text, I didn't write anything back about getting together--changed the subject--and when he got home, he responded to the off-subject email. Then a little later he says "You don't seem upset that it's Thursday and we don't have any plans..." I just said there's no point in getting upset.

So--what is he doing? He doesn't necessarily want to see me, but he wants me to text and basically beg and plead so he can finally say no. Then he wants me to be upset! I know there's no logical reason and it's all this crazy running stuff--but if anyone has any insights or has experienced similar runner behavior, I would love to hear about it!

One of the difficult things to understand is that the relationship between twin flames is something that has to be stripped off instead of something that has to grow or develop. The runner-idea exists only from the relational point of view where one puts expectations onto the other. From the connection point of view there is Divine intelligence to how to play the game in the relative. Both have their different roles on how to awaken the other, even if it seems as if the other is in denial. If he is 'running' what is the lesson that he teaches you? Is he teaching you that you are to much entangled in the relational aspects? Allow the lesson that your twin teaches you, instead of blaming him that he runs from the relation when you did everything to avoid that. There is a logical reason why things don't work as in 'normal' relationships and the reason ALWAYS points at turning inwards in your Self. That is where the connection resides, that IS where your twin is. It is not his body, his character or his personality that attracts you to your twin. It is the presence of Self that is awakened when you meet. The Self inside you both. All the relational aspects are constructs of the belief systems we are grown up with. Their role is to learn that the happiness, joy and love is not there to find.

Thank you Duset daram--I'm sure you are right that the things I complain about are because of expectations even though I have tried not to have them. I've come a long way from where I was at the beginning when I treated it like a "normal" relationship, but I still don't have it right. It's very hard to balance the way I feel about him deep inside with "real life'--sometimes I just don't know what to do. But thanks, you have given me a lot to think about.

Thanks, Nada--He does care about my feelings even though it may not look that way. As Duset was saying, you can't really look at it though the lens of "normal"--but yes, we are human and we do have feelings which is why this is all so hard to figure out. Then the thoughts creep in--what if I'm 100% delusional...then I'll have some weird "empathy" episode that makes me think I'm not...and on it goes.

Crimson--I'll try to find your TF story!

I know how you feel! My TF rarely replies to emails...but that is because he prefers to reply in person when we actually talk face-to-face...or because it is something that (I believe) he simply doesn't know HOW to respond to, or doesn't want to let himself respond to!
My TF is a Virgo, and also a man who has grown up with the old-school thinking that a "real man" doesn't talk about "girly, mushy emotional stuff". So I think it's really hard for him, because #1: it's simply not in his nature to be too emotional, and #2: he feels like, if he does display/talk about those types of things, it will somehow diminish his masculinity (***rolling my eyes here, lol! *****)
But - I know that he does love me - I know the feelings are there - I simply have to accept that he shows that love more in actions than in words...and when his guard is down, and he lets something slip out (like texting me "I love you with all my heart") it means all the more to me

[CRIMSON BLUE]

Originally Posted by sesheta

My TF is a Virgo, and also a man who has grown up with the old-school thinking that a "real man" doesn't talk about "girly, mushy emotional stuff". So I think it's really hard for him, because #1: it's simply not in his nature to be too emotional, and #2: he feels like, if he does display/talk about those types of things, it will somehow diminish his masculinity (***rolling my eyes here, lol! *****)
But - I know that he does love me - I know the feelings are there - I simply have to accept that he shows that love more in actions than in words...and when his guard is down, and he lets something slip out (like texting me "I love you with all my heart") it means all the more to me

Very true! My TF is a Virgo also

Very true! My TF is a Virgo also

One thing I'm learning for sure from my Virgo TF is to have a much tougher skin, lololol!

[Teal]

I am not sure why you are playing into tf games. I think people need to realize just because they are a "tf" does not give them the right to walk all over you and treat you like you are nobody.

Then again I thought tf's don't play games. ?? at any rate "tf label aside" hopw would you deal with this. I say quit texting/sexting facebooking email (just quit all the hide our faces devices) get out and get some fresh air. go for a walk. Let that person initiate contact.

Originally Posted by sesheta

I know how you feel! My TF rarely replies to emails...but that is because he prefers to reply in person when we actually talk face-to-face...or because it is something that (I believe) he simply doesn't know HOW to respond to, or doesn't want to let himself respond to!
My TF is a Virgo, and also a man who has grown up with the old-school thinking that a "real man" doesn't talk about "girly, mushy emotional stuff". So I think it's really hard for him, because #1: it's simply not in his nature to be too emotional, and #2: he feels like, if he does display/talk about those types of things, it will somehow diminish his masculinity (***rolling my eyes here, lol! *****)

I'm a Virgo and this describes my relationship to my emotions very well!

Sesheta--Mine is actually pretty emotional in general, but he avoids stuff that doesn't want to/can't (?who knows?) deal with. If I ever got a text like that I would be on cloud nine!

Teal--I don't want to play games and I don't think he's deliberately playing games, it's just how all his hang-ups, etc. are showing up. I think he feels bad when I get hurt by it, though that doesn't seem to be enough to stop him...