I'm very upset at my twin right now

VanillaRayne · #1 18-12-2012, 02:22 PM

To make a long story short, my twin made up some excuse about his friend wanting to do "that" with a woman who lives about a 45 minute highway drive away. He asked me if I could pick her up with him, drop them off at his house, come and pick them back up about an hour later, drop her back off at her house, and finally bring him back to his house. He claimed he owed his friend money and this was the way for him to get out of the debt. By bringing him a woman. I'm not stupid. I know what they did. There was no friend in the situation whatsoever.

Now we're not "officially" in a relationship, so I can't really get mad at him for being with another woman, but he was clearly lying to me, and since he knows how I feel for him, it was blantantly disrespectful. However, the whole ride with her in the car there and back, he was only talking to me and ignoring her completely. I could easily tell she felt awkward, he was treating her like she was nonexistant. The whole situation seemed incredibly bizarre to me. And, to top it all off, as I was dropping him off, he hung around, waiting for me to hug him goodbye like we usually do! After being with another woman?

Now I must admit, a few weeks ago I did hang out a couple of times with one of his best friends. We didn't do anything physical, we just hung out, watched a movie and had conversation. However, I was starting to feel some type of attraction towards his friend, nothing like what me and TF share, but something. The difference is, I don't lie to my TF and he knew everything that transpired. I didn't try to hide the situation whatsoever. Nonetheless I don't want to make myself sound like I'm completely innocent and he's the only one in the wrong.

What could possibly be going on? Why would he do such a thing to me? Is there a lesson to be learned? Maybe I need to start calling him out on his ** and not be such a doormat?

#2 18-12-2012, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanillaRayne

To make a long story short, my twin made up some excuse about his friend wanting to do "that" with a woman who lives about a 45 minute highway drive away. He asked me if I could pick her up with him, drop them off at his house, come and pick them back up about an hour later, drop her back off at her house, and finally bring him back to his house. He claimed he owed his friend money and this was the way for him to get out of the debt. By bringing him a woman. I'm not stupid. I know what they did. There was no friend in the situation whatsoever.

Now we're not "officially" in a relationship, so I can't really get mad at him for being with another woman, but he was clearly lying to me, and since he knows how I feel for him, it was blantantly disrespectful. However, the whole ride with her in the car there and back, he was only talking to me and ignoring her completely. I could easily tell she felt awkward, he was treating her like she was nonexistant. The whole situation seemed incredibly bizarre to me. And, to top it all off, as I was dropping him off, he hung around, waiting for me to hug him goodbye like we usually do!

Now I must admit, a few weeks ago I did hang out a couple of times with one of his best friends. We didn't do anything physical, we just hung out, watched a movie and had conversation. However, I was starting to feel some type of attraction towards his friend, nothing like what me and TF share, but something. The difference is, I don't lie to my TF and he knew everything that transpired. I didn't try to hide the situation whatsoever. Nonetheless I don't want to make myself sound like I'm completely innocent and he's the only one in the wrong.

What could possibly be going on? Why would he do such a thing to me? Is there a lesson to be learned? Maybe I need to start calling him out on his ** and not be such a doormat?

Not judging but WHY did you agree to this?

VanillaRayne · #3 18-12-2012, 02:32 PM

1. I owed him a favor.
2. IF he was telling the truth, I wouldn't have minded. I wasn't entirely sure until the situation fully transpired.
3. I enjoy spending time with him, he always puts a smile on my face, even when he does things that upset me.
4. He's ALWAYS there for me when I need him.
5. I'm a sucker.

Teal · #4 18-12-2012, 02:48 PM

I am wondering if this dude is a tf or what. I really do not think your tf would treat you like this.Id he really there for you? just asking I am only pointing out things. If I was you I would tell him good bye.

I am suggesting it is a karmic relationship.

VanillaRayne · #5 18-12-2012, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tealtwist

I am wondering if this dude is a tf or what. I really do not think your tf would treat you like this.Id he really there for you? just asking I am only pointing out things. If I was you I would tell him good bye.

I am suggesting it is a karmic relationship.

I know, I was debating that the whole car trip. Maybe you're right. On the other hand, maybe he has a LOT of issues to work through, and even if he is my TF, I'm only enabling his behavior at this point. He has no motivation to change because I'm putting up with it and not saying anything. I think I'm going to let him know that the only time I want ANYTHING to do with him again is if he can get himself straightened out. Clearly he has some type of sexual addiction (this was also something I struggled with previously to meeting him which he unknowingly helped me overcome) and isn't doing anything to try to get help for it. It's just like a wife who keeps buying her husband booze yet complains he's an alcoholic, well duh. I need to walk away. I believe this is the lesson in all this. Sometimes loving people is letting go so they can start to heal.

BTW, I think he's intentionally not committing to me fully as a means of feeling like his actions are somehow justified. If he didn't feel like we have "something" then he certainly wouldn't have felt the need to lie to me about it. He needs help I think.

frenchbread · #6 18-12-2012, 03:09 PM

Vanilla, you do not need to put up with that. Sounds selfish of him and inconsiderate of how you feel unless he was trying to get a rise out of you. Let him know how you feel and if he doesn't get it, walk away. If he cares for you, I don't think he should be playing games. He sounds like the does need help and you do not need to be a doormat to that or anyone.

#7 18-12-2012, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanillaRayne

1. I owed him a favor.
2. IF he was telling the truth, I wouldn't have minded. I wasn't entirely sure until the situation fully transpired.
3. I enjoy spending time with him, he always puts a smile on my face, even when he does things that upset me.
4. He's ALWAYS there for me when I need him.
5. I'm a sucker.

think you have these in reverse order

#8 18-12-2012, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanillaRayne

I know, I was debating that the whole car trip. Maybe you're right. On the other hand, maybe he has a LOT of issues to work through, and even if he is my TF, I'm only enabling his behavior at this point. He has no motivation to change because I'm putting up with it and not saying anything. I think I'm going to let him know that the only time I want ANYTHING to do with him again is if he can get himself straightened out. Clearly he has some type of sexual addiction (this was also something I struggled with previously to meeting him which he unknowingly helped me overcome) and isn't doing anything to try to get help for it. It's just like a wife who keeps buying her husband booze yet complains he's an alcoholic, well duh. I need to walk away. I believe this is the lesson in all this. Sometimes loving people is letting go so they can start to heal.

BTW, I think he's intentionally not committing to me fully as a means of feeling like his actions are somehow justified. If he didn't feel like we have "something" then he certainly wouldn't have felt the need to lie to me about it. He needs help I think.

No his reason to lie is so that you'd actually go through with it. if he was honest that he was asking you to pick up a women for him to bang would you still have done it?

VanillaRayne · #9 18-12-2012, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

No his reason to lie is so that you'd actually go through with it. if he was honest that he was asking you to pick up a women for him to bang would you still have done it?

Nope not at all.

#10 18-12-2012, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanillaRayne

Nope not at all.

My last serious relationship before my wife was karmic. I was karmic to her. After we broke up we had a FWB type situation where she was 1 of 5 other women I was sleeping with. I used to call her for a ride home late a night when I was drunk at a party and didn't hook up with another girl. She used to come and pick me up. Sometimes I'd even have her drop off my friends on the way home. Even than I'd have never asked her to pick me up if I had a women with me. Just plain RUDE.