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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #21  
Old 05-06-2018, 09:29 PM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E
i respect your views too 7luminaries.
i had been thinking along the lines of some 3rd party coming along, and
asking that unsuitable suitor about the girl (maybe he's interested?). if
she were on speaking terms, comfortably in the friend zone, he could say
something like "she's looking for a single guy... if i were single i might be
interested". if she was on unfriendly terms, he might say something like
"she's stuck up" or similar... which seems less likely to help anything.

also, i figure it's better to not label a large swath of humanity as despicable,
lazy, hardcore predators. it seems probable to me that a majority of those
who might get tagged as predators are simply humans who are in need of
something that they don't quite understand how to get; perhaps intimacy.
sex and intimacy may get confused with one another.

Horace, hello there and thanks for your thoughtful response.

Let me clarify tht I was specifically referring to the specific men that SoulRenew described having personally encountered. And then sharing my thoughts on the married men who knew her personally but came onto her, with the idea of using her for sex and touch and yes, perhaps for casual intimacy. To be honest, I just don't see how we can call this anything other than what it is. It is lazy and it is predatory. As for their private emotional state...we can infer (but not know for certain) that they are desperate, etc. Or maybe they are arrogant and self-absorbed? Who knows for certain what they feel?

But in any case, folks who seek to use others to assuage their lack (however they feel) are generally coming from a place of lack, I agree. It appears they are externalising their lack and seeking others for the purposes of temporary assuaging of the lack. Rather than owning it and being loving and responsible toward others. There are no quick fixes...I don't see how using others and behaving dishonourably is ever going to take one toward a place of peace and right-alignment in truth and love.

Of course, it is possible that she might network successfully with these less-than-reputable types and that they may still have her best interests at heart even though she's turned them down or indicated non-interest in sex with them. But I would say the odds are really quite low and the more time she spends anywhere near them, the more likely they are to see her as prey and/or as a receptive target.

I wish very much that more folks were aligned at centre more like you are -- you have an awful lot that you could teach other men about what honour looks like and sounds like, and how it shapes your perspective of us in the fullness of our humanity. But we are still on the bleeding edge, and I feel everyone needs to bring their honour and high regard for others with them.

Unfortunately, IMO, we cannot much overlook or deny the absence of these things in others, particularly regarding how they treat us and others, and then in any way be surprised when we are treated dishonourably and without proper regard for our well-being.

Peace & blessings
7L
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Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.

Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.

For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way

and become themselves despite all opposition.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke
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  #22  
Old 08-06-2018, 01:24 AM
Torgo Torgo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 390
 
Okay, so I did my cathartic thing and wrote out a long response, but now have decided to delete it. It was just too long and preachy. But I figure those who did read it were meant to see it. But I will leave something from the original post that is just a good general reply to the OP:

Quote:
... I think we just all need to be responsible for ourselves and our thoughts/emotions. If we did that, there would be a lot more love and a lot more great experiences to go around. Everyone would be living a lot more truthfully. And because of that there would be a lot more joy and cooperation in the world. We would all get along so much better because we would be respecting one another's ways of living. Instead, we tend to live in fear and fail to examine ourselves properly. This is why we have so much fighting, hatred, ignorance, and feelings of separateness.

Anyway, life is like a dream [...] don't limit yourself just because somebody told you something is supposedly the way to do something. Figure out for yourself what's right for you.
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  #23  
Old 10-07-2018, 05:42 AM
Alice_1 Alice_1 is offline
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Family sacred bonds are doomed. More and more men look at other women, and women are interested in married men.
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  #24  
Old 10-07-2018, 03:58 PM
Lorelyen
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice_1
Family sacred bonds are doomed. More and more men look at other women, and women are interested in married men.

It's usually lust swathed in some romantic excuse. Such people want an affair, nothing lasting though they might pretend they want that until the sex wears thin. I'm told the saddest thing is the cougar who falls in love with her toyboy.

I'm not married (and curiously being single comes into the equation) but I'm ok if the man is honest - he rarely is. Cross-examining reveals enough but in one case the guy told me he was breaking up with his Mrs. But...I tend to judge by the deed not the word and said that's fine if he introduces me to his wife so she knows exactly what's going on. He never appeared again.

I'm afraid you're right. "Family" does seem to be an obsolescent idea.
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  #25  
Old 10-07-2018, 03:58 PM
Lorelyen
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice_1
Family sacred bonds are doomed. More and more men look at other women, and women are interested in married men.

It's usually lust swathed in some romantic excuse. Such people want an affair, nothing lasting though they might pretend they do until the sex wears thin or there's pressure for commitment. I'm told the saddest thing is the cougar who falls in love with her toyboy.

I'm not married (and curiously being single comes into the equation) but I'm ok if the man is honest - he rarely is. Cross-examining reveals enough but in one case the guy told me he was breaking up with his Mrs. But...I tend to judge by the deed not the word and said that's fine if he introduces me to his wife so she knows exactly what's going on. He never appeared again.

I'm afraid you're right. "Family" does seem to be an obsolescent idea.
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  #26  
Old 18-07-2018, 03:30 PM
ragdoll ragdoll is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 532
 
Thanks for all the replies. I did think it over a lot and the class is over now. I did not go out of my way to talk to this person and even when I needed a letter of recommendation I did not ask him. I asked someone else and it ended up being a fiasco but whatever.

Um, I have decided that it is not my fault how another person acts. And the fact that this happens a lot has nothing to do with me and perhaps more of a trend of emotional irresponsibility in these men. If that is how men want to act that's on them, and it's not my fault if there's a gaggle of them doing it. My presence has no effect on this and it's a tale as old as time. Men think they are entitled to having their cake and eating it too. I am just disappointed that people act this way. I am glad I am mature enough to understand all of this.

Guys, take responsibility for your own emotions and path. If you are not happy, decide it for yourself and divorce. Don't expect another woman to fullfil what is not anybody else's responsibility to fullfil. Do us all a favor. We're tired of the ****.
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  #27  
Old 20-07-2018, 10:23 PM
Theophila Theophila is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,025
 
[quote=ragdoll

Guys, take responsibility for your own emotions and path. If you are not happy, decide it for yourself and divorce. Don't expect another woman to fullfil what is not anybody else's responsibility to fullfil. Do us all a favor. We're tired of the ****.[/QUOTE]

❤️This well put 👍🏼
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  #28  
Old 23-07-2018, 02:08 AM
Torgo Torgo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 390
 
Just thought I'd vent in this thread. Met the man of my dreams' wife tonight. He wasn't there, but she sat right next to me during dinner. You don't know how hard it was for me not to say, "Sorry that I've been obsessing over your husband for the past few years. Nothing personal. By the way, would you mind if I had hot rabid monkey sex with him? Just once or twice? Please? Did I mention his picture is my iPhone wallpaper?"

*sob*

Anyway, she seemed really nice. But I wouldn't expect anything less. She has to be awesome if she's his partner.

God I hate my life.
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  #29  
Old 26-07-2018, 04:18 PM
soulforce soulforce is offline
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Ragdoll I'm going to take a different approach to answering your question. It sounds like the real question is why don't single men approach me instead of married man?

The truth is it has to come down to experience.

Men are more comfortable around women when they're attached. There isn't that pressure to find a partner to have sex with. Single men tend to be younger and have less experience with women. They feel there is more pressure to find the perfect partner. They will try and seek out people that fits their ideal partner first. To be honest women do this too.

Single men are just shyer. A lot of them want to approach you but are afraid of being rejected. There is still more pressure for men to make the first move. Married men have the same biological urges as single men. The only difference is married men, might not be happy in their marriages and are probably looking to start an affair. Older man generally have less inhibition too. You're also 30 so most men your age are married, which leaves older men in their 40's who maybe looking for an affair or younger man who are too shy to approach women. Your options to find a single men that fits your profile are kind of limited. It doesn't mean you won't find him but you might need to seek out your partner instead of waiting for them to seek you out.

One last point I want to make is some men generally are looking for a platonic relationship which could be misconstrued for a romantic one. It's important to not judge all encounters the same.

sf
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  #30  
Old 26-07-2018, 09:47 PM
ocean breeze ocean breeze is offline
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^^ That's been my experience. If i am going to be approached by a women, its almost always by one who is already married. They are far more confident in their approach.
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