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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Signs & Synchronicities

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  #1  
Old 13-02-2018, 05:10 AM
rainbow.sprinkles rainbow.sprinkles is offline
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feeling I've been misled by 11:11

apologies in advance for what's sure to be an emotion-fueled rant.

without going into too much backstory, there's someone who I've had a tumultuous time with over the last few years, from an inexplicable connection right off the bat and feeling he was the one and moving in with him and stepping into the role of stepmom to his kid who I've helped raise since he was just a baby, to making each other utterly miserable and him being borderline abusive and us breaking up and him hitting rock bottom and asking for my help and me helping him to finally take steps towards getting his mental health in order and working towards being a better person for himself and his kid, to us actually developing a really amazing, positive, mutually supportive friendship and becoming extremely close over the past several months. I've been aware of feelings I've been having for him again, really enjoying spending time with him and being excited to see him and hear from him and we've spent a couple of nights together, just cuddling, nothing beyond that. he's been avoiding getting into anything with anyone while he gets his **** together but we just had a conversation about the fact that he's been seeing someone and there are feelings between them but he's been open about thinking he's still in love with me as well. I laid out everything I've been feeling for him lately.

here's the kicker. over the past few weeks my energy levels have been way higher than normal (I have major depressive disorder so it's rare for me to have even 2 high energy days in a row), I've been feeling really good, being really productive, and noticing that I've been seeing 11:11 a LOT. like at least once or twice a day every day. it seemed like I was getting signs that the way I've been feeling and the way our relationship has been progressing was us being on the path that we were always meant to get back to, that I was right to be feeling this way, that us being close was right and natural and inevitable. but our conversation just now ended with me basically saying that he knows how I feel, that all I can say is to follow his heart and things will work out the way they're supposed to and as long as he's happy and making good choices for himself and his son then those choices can't possibly be wrong. he basically thanked me and it strongly felt like he was making the choice to explore things with her and close the door on the possibility of things with us, a goodbye of sorts. now I feel like I've been duped. what was me seeing 11:11 constantly about, if not a sign that our relationship was progressing naturally and things were happening as they were meant to? if things are suddenly going to stall and switch gears and I'm going to have to take a step back why would I be seeing 11:11? it doesn't make any sense to me. I'm bewildered and, if I'm honest, a bit angry.

any outside perspective would probably be valuable. I'm probably not seeing the big picture very well right now. I feel like I'm stepping back onto the path of grieving this relationship all over again now. our friendship dynamic has been beautiful and great but I'm not sure I know how to deal with it knowing it can't continue to evolve and progress naturally. this feels like a blockage and it hurts.
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  #2  
Old 13-02-2018, 08:07 AM
OEN34 OEN34 is offline
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Sorry to read of your pain.

It's absolutely normal to still have feelings for someone you were closely linked to even if you're friends. There's a connection present and it won't disappear overnight, especially if you've been sharing each other's company.

What is refreshing to hear is his honesty towards you in that he's told you he's seeing someone else. It may be a kick in the teeth to you, but that is because you are connected on an emotional level. If you were to remove emotion from it and see it for what it is, coming from a place of love and kindness, you would be neutral about it. You would have acceptance.

With the 11:11, have you considered that you might be actually on the right path and that is why you are seeing the signs? Perhaps this is the route you need to take at this moment?

Ultimately, IMO you've done the right thing. You've expressed how you feel and suggested he followed his heart, which is spot on. It's out of your control and in his mind he might need this other person to explore and grow him some more, considering he's on his recovery path. This other person might also be here to teach you something.

There's definitely a blockage there, so investigate it, go within and see what's what. Some form of rejection suffering? Loss, abandonment? The list goes on.

An important thing here is that you aren't obliged to stay in contact with him whilst he's on his path. This doesn't mean you push him away and be nasty towards him (and yourself), but being honest is key, telling him you'd prefer him to focus on his stuff, and you to focus on your stuff. You are here, you're not shutting him away, but contact won't help right now - if you feel that way that is.

Then the inner work begins and you learn to accept what is happening. You see his path from a place of acceptance and love and you'll be very comfortable then, but Rome wasn't built in a day, it takes time.

Invest your energy in you right now, and put yourself first.

Be gentle on yourself, you're being tested but it will inevitably lead you down a path more suited to the 'newer' you in the not too distant future.
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  #3  
Old 13-02-2018, 07:03 PM
rainbow.sprinkles rainbow.sprinkles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OEN34
Sorry to read of your pain.

It's absolutely normal to still have feelings for someone you were closely linked to even if you're friends. There's a connection present and it won't disappear overnight, especially if you've been sharing each other's company.

What is refreshing to hear is his honesty towards you in that he's told you he's seeing someone else. It may be a kick in the teeth to you, but that is because you are connected on an emotional level. If you were to remove emotion from it and see it for what it is, coming from a place of love and kindness, you would be neutral about it. You would have acceptance.

With the 11:11, have you considered that you might be actually on the right path and that is why you are seeing the signs? Perhaps this is the route you need to take at this moment?

Ultimately, IMO you've done the right thing. You've expressed how you feel and suggested he followed his heart, which is spot on. It's out of your control and in his mind he might need this other person to explore and grow him some more, considering he's on his recovery path. This other person might also be here to teach you something.

There's definitely a blockage there, so investigate it, go within and see what's what. Some form of rejection suffering? Loss, abandonment? The list goes on.

An important thing here is that you aren't obliged to stay in contact with him whilst he's on his path. This doesn't mean you push him away and be nasty towards him (and yourself), but being honest is key, telling him you'd prefer him to focus on his stuff, and you to focus on your stuff. You are here, you're not shutting him away, but contact won't help right now - if you feel that way that is.

Then the inner work begins and you learn to accept what is happening. You see his path from a place of acceptance and love and you'll be very comfortable then, but Rome wasn't built in a day, it takes time.

Invest your energy in you right now, and put yourself first.

Be gentle on yourself, you're being tested but it will inevitably lead you down a path more suited to the 'newer' you in the not too distant future.

that's the funny thing, by the time we'd broken up the connection was long gone. it re-kindled as a result of him changing and us finding a way to actually communicate effectively and be kind to one another again after nearly 2 years of just being terrible to each other. it feels like we're both different people now so in a way it's brand new, but also with that familiarity and comfort of having been through so much together.

I wish I could remove my emotions from the situation, there would be zero problem. I don't see how I can though.

yes I've tried to tell myself that it means this is the thing that was meant to happen and you're probably right but I'm frustrated because why did the universe allow me to get so emotionally attached all over again just to have it ripped away again and put me through losing that future of being a real family with him and his son all over again? it feels cruel.

it just felt like there was nothing else I could do. I've worked hard lately to act in ways that are in line with the version of myself I'd most like to be instead of just giving in to my knee-jerk reactions of trying to get my own needs met. he said originally that if I said I didn't want him dating her that he would stop it then and there but who would I be to come out and say that? I don't want to be that person. the fact that I told him how it would make me feel and he made the decision he did in spite of saying he would stop seeing her to salvage our friendship seems to speak volumes.

I have major psychological issues around abandonment and rejection and all that. him and I both do, it's one of the biggest things we have in common. I've dealt with it all for the most part, I've been on my own path of recovery from mental illness for years and years already. I mean the fact that I dealt with the situation fairly gracefully speaks volumes to how much I've grown from what I once would have said and done in this situation lol.

I do plan to pull back a little bit, and I'm sure he expects it.

thank you for the kind and thoughtful response, it's appreciated.
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  #4  
Old 14-02-2018, 09:29 AM
OEN34 OEN34 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow.sprinkles
that's the funny thing, by the time we'd broken up the connection was long gone. it re-kindled as a result of him changing and us finding a way to actually communicate effectively and be kind to one another again after nearly 2 years of just being terrible to each other. it feels like we're both different people now so in a way it's brand new, but also with that familiarity and comfort of having been through so much together.

I wish I could remove my emotions from the situation, there would be zero problem. I don't see how I can though.

yes I've tried to tell myself that it means this is the thing that was meant to happen and you're probably right but I'm frustrated because why did the universe allow me to get so emotionally attached all over again just to have it ripped away again and put me through losing that future of being a real family with him and his son all over again? it feels cruel.

it just felt like there was nothing else I could do. I've worked hard lately to act in ways that are in line with the version of myself I'd most like to be instead of just giving in to my knee-jerk reactions of trying to get my own needs met. he said originally that if I said I didn't want him dating her that he would stop it then and there but who would I be to come out and say that? I don't want to be that person. the fact that I told him how it would make me feel and he made the decision he did in spite of saying he would stop seeing her to salvage our friendship seems to speak volumes.

I have major psychological issues around abandonment and rejection and all that. him and I both do, it's one of the biggest things we have in common. I've dealt with it all for the most part, I've been on my own path of recovery from mental illness for years and years already. I mean the fact that I dealt with the situation fairly gracefully speaks volumes to how much I've grown from what I once would have said and done in this situation lol.

I do plan to pull back a little bit, and I'm sure he expects it.

thank you for the kind and thoughtful response, it's appreciated.

Many people split up then attempt to rekindle as there's an attachment there to that person, emotionally, psychologically and physically. You have a bond so it is as you say familiar, and you're also in your comfort zone with one another not having to start the process again with pastures new.

Telling yourself you can't remove emotions from the situation is always going to allow them to remain. The Universe didn't tell you to connect emotionally, either. This was a conscious choice you made. You became attached and as a result had expectations of a family unit.

Attachments and expectations can leave someone's world completely shattered, I have seen it time and time again and it isn't pleasant. I'm not saying shut down and close the door away from the world (and him) as that is the wrong thing to do and will not release emotions. It takes time and work - a lot of inner work. Learn acceptance and forgiveness, this will definitely help. Self love, too. This is huge.

You're right; it isn't for you to steer his ship and tell him what he can and cannot do, so you accepted that and made the right choice in saying that, so fair play to you. But, following up by saying you told him how it would make you feel obviously isn't genuine acceptance and is an attempt to make him feel guilty, whether you are consciously aware of that or not.

A situation or person cannot or does not make you feel anything, it is your choice to react that way. I don't mean to sound harsh here, I'm trying to remove this veil you have on as you're feeling sorry for yourself and you aren't this person, you're more than this and you know it.

My advice (for what it's worth) would be to tell him you need space and to focus on you, while he does his thing. Remaining in contact probably won't benefit you both right now and whatever happens in the future, happens.

So, no more pity party's, no more self-sabotaging talks and no ill feelings towards this chap. A core thing that needs working on is your attachment to others or situations, which is a fear of loss and abandonment. Heal yourself and watch how much you flourish. And yes, keep giving yourself a pat on the back for how much progress you have already made! Be delicate on yourself.

A better you is not far away, and a relationship that is in alignment with this new you is on its way, too.

Best wishes.
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  #5  
Old 14-02-2018, 11:07 PM
rainbow.sprinkles rainbow.sprinkles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OEN34
Many people split up then attempt to rekindle as there's an attachment there to that person, emotionally, psychologically and physically. You have a bond so it is as you say familiar, and you're also in your comfort zone with one another not having to start the process again with pastures new.

Telling yourself you can't remove emotions from the situation is always going to allow them to remain. The Universe didn't tell you to connect emotionally, either. This was a conscious choice you made. You became attached and as a result had expectations of a family unit.

Attachments and expectations can leave someone's world completely shattered, I have seen it time and time again and it isn't pleasant. I'm not saying shut down and close the door away from the world (and him) as that is the wrong thing to do and will not release emotions. It takes time and work - a lot of inner work. Learn acceptance and forgiveness, this will definitely help. Self love, too. This is huge.

You're right; it isn't for you to steer his ship and tell him what he can and cannot do, so you accepted that and made the right choice in saying that, so fair play to you. But, following up by saying you told him how it would make you feel obviously isn't genuine acceptance and is an attempt to make him feel guilty, whether you are consciously aware of that or not.

A situation or person cannot or does not make you feel anything, it is your choice to react that way. I don't mean to sound harsh here, I'm trying to remove this veil you have on as you're feeling sorry for yourself and you aren't this person, you're more than this and you know it.

My advice (for what it's worth) would be to tell him you need space and to focus on you, while he does his thing. Remaining in contact probably won't benefit you both right now and whatever happens in the future, happens.

So, no more pity party's, no more self-sabotaging talks and no ill feelings towards this chap. A core thing that needs working on is your attachment to others or situations, which is a fear of loss and abandonment. Heal yourself and watch how much you flourish. And yes, keep giving yourself a pat on the back for how much progress you have already made! Be delicate on yourself.

A better you is not far away, and a relationship that is in alignment with this new you is on its way, too.

Best wishes.

I get what you're saying about feelings but I have these feelings. I'm feeling them right now. that's a simple fact. I'm not going to push them down and ignore them, I believe in sitting with one's feelings. processing them, and moving through them given appropriate time.

I'm not sure I believe the feelings that developed were a conscious choice. does everyone in the universe choose to fall in love every time it happens? I just don't think so. I wouldn't say I had an expectation.... just a hope.

yeah obviously I'm not yet in a place of 100% acceptance. that would be an unreasonable expectation.

I agree that my feelings are my own responsibility. I say what you've said to me to people all the time. but that doesn't mean I can just flip a switch to change my feelings from sad to happy unfortunately.

I'm not going to cut him off, as he is my friend and I intend to continue to support him on his journey, not to mention being a big part of his son's life. he will always be in my life because I will never not be in his kid's life. him and his family are like family to me regardless of the particular label placed on our relationship.
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Old 15-02-2018, 08:48 AM
OEN34 OEN34 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow.sprinkles
I get what you're saying about feelings but I have these feelings. I'm feeling them right now. that's a simple fact. I'm not going to push them down and ignore them, I believe in sitting with one's feelings. processing them, and moving through them given appropriate time.

I'm not sure I believe the feelings that developed were a conscious choice. does everyone in the universe choose to fall in love every time it happens? I just don't think so. I wouldn't say I had an expectation.... just a hope.

yeah obviously I'm not yet in a place of 100% acceptance. that would be an unreasonable expectation.

I agree that my feelings are my own responsibility. I say what you've said to me to people all the time. but that doesn't mean I can just flip a switch to change my feelings from sad to happy unfortunately.

I'm not going to cut him off, as he is my friend and I intend to continue to support him on his journey, not to mention being a big part of his son's life. he will always be in my life because I will never not be in his kid's life. him and his family are like family to me regardless of the particular label placed on our relationship.

You're very defensive, and I know you're delicate at the moment, but my comments aren't intended to rustle your feathers otherwise I wouldn't reply.

No, don't ignore your feelings. I said this in my last reply. It's the worst thing a person can do, it serves no purpose, only adds to dismay.

Hope/expectation - doesn't matter, still equally disruptive in the circumstance. It's a very slippery slope resting hope on something as we then depend on an outcome, which is an expectation. We really use the word 'hope' so nonchalantly in life, and we don't ever stop to reason the emotional impact it can have, and I'm not referring to hope in a way that someone wants their sports team to win the next game.

Everything you replied with was followed with an excuse. If you say what I said to people all the time then start doing it. Nobody is saying block out feelings, nobody is saying don't feel sad - allow these things, but don't let them be a part of your identity. There has to be a cut off point somewhere.

Well, if you decide to stay in touch with him and you know it is causing an impact on you emotionally that he's with another girl, then that is your choice, but know that this approach will bring some discomfort, which is actually a good thing. You just don't want to be complaining about it. Stay in touch and learn to feel the discomfort with him and don't complain, or have some alone time for a bit, get the focus on healing yourself with a view to speaking to him in the not too distant future.

You can't have it both ways.

Best of luck to you
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  #7  
Old 13-02-2018, 09:14 AM
Mojo Pan Mojo Pan is offline
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Perhaps you should stop keep focusing on this ONE person. 11:11 is a definitive sign, plus you feeling good, I really believe a major shift is about to happen in your life. Your inner/higher self feels the cosmic threads oscillating long before the actual event. But you still focus on the past. Let it go, let it rest and look forward to your future. Now is the time you absolutely need to visualize how do you want your life to be, not cutting corners. This is your time of Creation so invest it well.
You can never ever be "duped" by the Universe. Only shown a better path ;)
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Old 13-02-2018, 07:05 PM
rainbow.sprinkles rainbow.sprinkles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mojo Pan
Perhaps you should stop keep focusing on this ONE person. 11:11 is a definitive sign, plus you feeling good, I really believe a major shift is about to happen in your life. Your inner/higher self feels the cosmic threads oscillating long before the actual event. But you still focus on the past. Let it go, let it rest and look forward to your future. Now is the time you absolutely need to visualize how do you want your life to be, not cutting corners. This is your time of Creation so invest it well.
You can never ever be "duped" by the Universe. Only shown a better path ;)

it didn't feel like focusing on the past. with how much him and I have both changed and how much our relationship has transformed and our dynamic has shifted, it felt like a whole new thing was blooming, just in the same flower bed so to speak. but I suppose you're right.
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  #9  
Old 13-02-2018, 10:27 AM
Lorelyen
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11-11 seems to have earned itself the status of signifying the imminence of a relationship. Could it be that if you ditch this guy you're on the verge of meeting someone more attuned to you?

As you portray it, your current relationship is draining you. It's spiritually and physically unhealthy. Continuing it will probably do you more harm than good. It will not boost your experience of relationships in the right direction so when you meet someone new it'll affect how you react and the trust you can put in it.

Following your heart can lead to mistakes that affect more than just you so you must let your head come into it to. Assess what the future really holds with this bloke. Try to stand back and look at you pair in action. Is it really what you want for the long term?

1111 is only a sign signifying a kind of encounter because people tell you it is. We all encounter it here and there but it wouldn't be relevant for someone oblivious to this creed. Like my clock says 11:11 twice a day but the occurrence at night tells me it's time to start unwinding and getting ready for bed. To others it's binary for 15.

Yep, try to work to giving this bloke up. Don't succumb to feelings of pity because, ok, he's with someone else now but being his "fallback" friend if his current fling breaks up wouldn't be good for you.
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Old 13-02-2018, 07:10 PM
rainbow.sprinkles rainbow.sprinkles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
11-11 seems to have earned itself the status of signifying the imminence of a relationship. Could it be that if you ditch this guy you're on the verge of meeting someone more attuned to you?

As you portray it, your current relationship is draining you. It's spiritually and physically unhealthy. Continuing it will probably do you more harm than good. It will not boost your experience of relationships in the right direction so when you meet someone new it'll affect how you react and the trust you can put in it.

Following your heart can lead to mistakes that affect more than just you so you must let your head come into it to. Assess what the future really holds with this bloke. Try to stand back and look at you pair in action. Is it really what you want for the long term?

1111 is only a sign signifying a kind of encounter because people tell you it is. We all encounter it here and there but it wouldn't be relevant for someone oblivious to this creed. Like my clock says 11:11 twice a day but the occurrence at night tells me it's time to start unwinding and getting ready for bed. To others it's binary for 15.

Yep, try to work to giving this bloke up. Don't succumb to feelings of pity because, ok, he's with someone else now but being his "fallback" friend if his current fling breaks up wouldn't be good for you.

I don't necessarily think 11:11 always has to do with relationships, it's just that this was the big thing happening in my life, the thing that's been shifting and growing as I've noticed 11:11 suddenly popping up everywhere. but yes, I've considered that.

I've been asking myself if this is what I want for the past 3 years, haha. there's almost always been a lot of uncertainty around our connection. it was really feeling like it was building me up and bringing something very positive to my life lately rather than draining me like it once did. hence why this is just crushing now.
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