Is forgiveness essential for healing?

Hi. Yeah, it's certainly one of the tricky issues as it can be hard to forgive especially when people seemingly can't see what they've done.

Like you say, when you hold onto resentment, you hold onto negative emotions so, ultimately, I think we have to let go.

Forgiveness for me is about understanding why people behave the way they do - without me trying to sound like I'm some angel!

But if we can understand why people behave the way they do, it can go along way to forgiving them. So, for example, someone may carry anger around with them because of something from their childhood which makes them lash out.

If someone continues to be wrong, there's not a lot we can do other than maybe let them go out of our lives because they're ultimately no good for us.

[Roselove]

^well said thinkingaloud

Summerland, I'm sorry you have dealt with this as well

thank you all for your responses! all good points..

[ces]

I think that forgiveness is necessary to move forward and not be consumed by the wrong that was done. I think also though that by not forgetting we become stronger.

Originally Posted by Rosewater

I have been hurt too many times in my life and too forgiving.. i have let people in my life too many times that have hurt me in so many ways.. i finally cut those chords.. do i really have to forgive them? i feel like forgiving them no longer holds them accountable for their actions.. they have wronged me unfairly in so many ways and chance after chance i have given them and they just hurt me.. i can't let them back in, they don't even see the errors of their ways.. so what can i do? i don't want to hold negative resenetment energy in but i feel like letting go won't hold them accountable for their actions, i also dont' really now how to let go.. as i am hurt at a deep level

Growing pains is what you feel.
Betrayal and you choose to finally stand up for yourself, needed to do this for a long time.
Cutting the cords from those you are outgrowing or outgrew a long time ago, has to be done.
Accountability is to the law of Duality. Each is accountable under the Law of Duality(Karma), yet if you wish Grace and the Law of One, you will need to Forgive until you Realize even Forgiveness is an illusion; that will take a shift in conscious awareness which comes after the entire world is forgiven including Self.

How to Let Go????

Fake it until you make it! Practice saying "I forgive All" until all emotional energy invested in attachment to error is released. You will know when it is done when you feel Free for the first time in your life.

You not not change another, that will happen on its own. Change YOU or rather, change the Point of Consciousness. You are not the thoughts you cling too!

[Roselove]

yes!

i'm afraid if repress my anger and try to say i forgive them it will manifest in other ways.. i think i will just talk about what happen, work through the emotions to clear the charge if i can..

true i can't change another, i just wish they would stop treating me this way..

[daisy]

i don't want to hold negative resenetment energy in but i feel like letting go won't hold them accountable for their actions, i also dont' really now how to let go.. as i am hurt at a deep level

I've struggled so hard with this myself, so I know what you're going through, what I can tell you is it will get easier, I am not able to forgive this person, but bit by bit I am letting it go because I don't want to feel the way this person makes me feel as its horrible and so not like me.

When you are emotionally cut so deep you feel you will never heal from it but you will, please trust me on that.

Firstly, you need to acknowledge that you are at this moment in time unable to forgive that person, don't worry about the future that's not here yet, and immediately that takes the pressure of as it takes a lot of energy to feel like that forever and believe that you will feel like that forever.

Secondly, tell yourself that it is ok not to forgive them, so many end up feeling so guilty about not forgiving, they forgive before they are ready, then the resentment sets in which makes you feel (imo) ten times worse, as then you feel like a doormat, a mug, a pushover and that you ask for trouble because you allowpeople to hurt you again because you forgave them.

I find once I acknowledge I cannot forgive them anytime soon I can then decide that is ok, but because I have not forgiven and it still hurts I am still wasting my own energy on them, this still puts them in a position of control so I need to find a way to turn that around, the best method i've found is doing my best not to even think about them and focus on making my own life as happy and successful as I possibly can, if they do come to mind I go and do something positive for myself or my loved ones, in effect cancelling out a negative with a positive.

I don't know what others have suggested but this works for me, hope you feel happier soon(((hugs)))


And no, imo forgiveness is not essential for healing, false forgiveness is not true forgiveness only forgive when you are truly ready to do so.

[Roselove]

thank you daisy! i will try this..

It is difficult to forgive when people continue to behave the way they do. If someone is sorry it become a lot easier.

I had a situation in my life and haven't spoken to this person since, which is a mutual thing as this person doesn't want to speak to me either after they rang me to deny something they had said to get themselves out of a whole. Basically, lying.

The reason being is that they were causing trouble within the family and only seem to care about no 1.

I know this person has got problems going back in their life, but it still doesn't give them the excuse to try and ruin other people's relationships.

Can I forgive this person? In the sense that I can let go of what they did. Do I ever want them in my life again? No. Because the behaviour would continue.

Me too.. Just turn the other way and forget 'em. Time and circumstance will right the wrongs. In the meantime get on ya bike, start peddling, and try to forget it. It's all a learning curve bud.

Who's come out stronger... you have ;0)

[Roselove]

lol my bike fell into a ditch

thanks for advice i will ignore them and try to let go of resentment.. they aren't sorry and haven't changed don't even acknolwdge they did anything wrong..