Dealing with untowards family

[LadyMay]

Right now I am raging at my brother. Why? Because he is disrespectful and in possession of narcissistic traits. Why is this? Because his dad was abusive. Most the time I am sympathetic to my brother even though he treats us all like Edit by Staff. I am patient.. I see the clouded light of his soul. But sometimes, just sometimes, I tip over to boiling point. Like right now. I feel like I really must have done something so awful in a past life to deserve sixteen years of abuse from his dad and then from him later on. I wish I didn't have to share a house with him, yet I know I that I ultimately incarnated with these people for my own spiritual growth.. it just seems all so unfair sometimes. Even though somewhere down the line it was probably my own choice. I feel so powerless. All my life. I just have all the emotions coming back to me from before when his dad was here. I just feel so angry and sad.. I try so hard to work on my spiritual growth and then there's him who breaches every boundary I've worked so hard to build up again. Am I seeing a reflection of myself in him? I don't know. The only negative traits in me from this life were put there by his dad in the first place. Hence why I must've been such an awful person in a past life. I feel like I'm making up for it all now.

Most the time I just ignore him because it's the only thing I can do, but sometimes I just get so irritated.. back before my awakening I would barge into his room and scream and throw things around but.. it never made much difference. Now I have more control over my emotions I haven't done that in a while but I so wish I could sometimes. But I know it'll lead me nowhere. I just have to rage it all out by myself and wait till he's out the house or something to feel better. I find it so hard to be around him.. I'm so empathic these days and I just pick up on energy like a magnet, and his energy is so harsh and abrasive.. it's just hard to be around. And I wish I didn't have to be around it at all but I do so.

Slight rant there. How do you all feel about or deal with untowards family?

Is your mother around? Any other family members? i'm glad you realized that yelling and throwing things doesn't help the situation, I've never had to deal with any kind of abuse, so can't speak from experience, hard as it may be try to respond with kindness, have you heard the expression that we catch more flies with honey.

[LadyMay]

Originally Posted by primrose

Is your mother around? Any other family members? i'm glad you realized that yelling and throwing things doesn't help the situation, I've never had to deal with any kind of abuse, so can't speak from experience, hard as it may be try to respond with kindness, have you heard the expression that we catch more flies with honey.

Yeah she is. But she's always been a gentle loving person who always sees the good in people even when it's not there. Hence why she put up with his dad for so long. Hence why I am less apt to see good in people when they are unrepentant and be kind to them, because I've seen the way it's wrecked her life. My brother walks all over her sometimes and it makes me so mad. I know it's her choice and I admire her strength but there's nothing really anyone one can do about him, except wait for the day he moves out. To me playing to his ego with kindness won't really help.. as I said he has narcissistic traits so in the end I'll end up drained and exhausted whilst he'll end up feeling all the more entitled to treat us awfully.

As for other family we're pretty much alone.

I suppose there's not really much we can do except wait it through. I can see it from a character building point of view most the time. But it just some days like today when I haven't had enough sleep that it feels like all a little bit too much.

[Volaju]

I'm not sure how much I can help with this, but I will say this. Have you heard of the Greek legend of Narcissus, the Greek hunter who began to fixate on himself so much he found a pool that reflected himself and he practically killed himself over it, there is another version however, that says the gods began to echo his thoughts back to him which eventually drove him insane.

I too was abused as a child, and I had no idea what it really meant to be Narcissistic. I always considered it something negative.

It really does feel like that however, like every time you think your thoughts begin to echo back and forth. The trauma does that - but the thing about an echo is that you can't quite make sense of it after it fades away - that, and you have to realize that they may be echoing off of something negative coming from within. The more it grows farther the more of chance you might mistake the echo for something else. This is why they become fixated on themselves, because they begin to echo the pain, the feelings they had and everything else back on themselves. This eventually brings depression, bad moods, anger and many other things to surface from their psyche because their minds are trying to let go - but can't thanks to this echoing of their own pains and problems.

I don't know what to do to help, fixating on one's self is neither a bad thing or a good thing, not until it becomes unhealthy and obsessive -but if it is unhealthy in his situation I would try to act as mature as possible and simply reflect his own decisions and mind-state back at him inmore subtle means...

I don't know how to put it... but...

Hmmmm...

[LadyMay]

Originally Posted by DarkestShadeofGrey

I'm not sure how much I can help with this, but I will say this. Have you heard of the Greek legend of Narcissus, the Greek hunter who began to fixate on himself so much he found a pool that reflected himself and he practically killed himself over it, there is another version however, that says the gods began to echo his thoughts back to him which eventually drove him insane.

I too was abused as a child, and I had no idea what it really meant to be Narcissistic. I always considered it something negative.

It really does feel like that however, like every time you think your thoughts begin to echo back and forth. The trauma does that - but the thing about an echo is that you can't quite make sense of it after it fades away - that, and you have to realize that they may be echoing off of something negative coming from within. The more it grows farther the more of chance you might mistake the echo for something else. This is why they become fixated on themselves, because they begin to echo the pain, the feelings they had and everything else back on themselves. This eventually brings depression, bad moods, anger and many other things to surface from their psyche because their minds are trying to let go - but can't thanks to this echoing of their own pains and problems.

I don't know what to do to help, fixating on one's self is neither a bad thing or a good thing, not until it becomes unhealthy and obsessive -but if it is unhealthy in his situation I would try to act as mature as possible and simply reflect his own decisions and mind-state back at him inmore subtle means...

I don't know how to put it... but...

Hmmmm...

WOW. This was SO insightful! I'd never seen it like this before! Thank you so much. This makes so much sense.

He has a false mirror in his mind made up of all the trauma and he's basically feeding off of it.. so the idea is to portray that mirror but externally and in a healthier manner so he can see how he really is in comparison to others? I think that's what you mean?

My mother has done this a couple of times to him, for example: She would interrupt him the way he always does with her and then when he got frustrated she would point out that's what he does and then he would get really quiet and walk away, almost as if he was a little shocked. Is this what you mean? Because it would certainly explain his reaction.

[Volaju]

YES!

Exactly what I meant, I didn't know how to put it but something was telling me I needed to explain it someway and popped up!

Your mother pulled it off actually just keep doing this and eventually he'll reach a point where this false mirror will begin to break and it'll reveal the real him on the inside. Trauma from abuse tends to create the idea that they feel useless, or that others deserve this as well. This is the most important part - because the trauma will be exposed and you can eventually get him to see this for himself - which is the goal for him to realize the fixation on himself - the negative fixations that are causing him to act the way he does.

It might take time, but hopefully this should help!

[LadyMay]

Originally Posted by DarkestShadeofGrey

YES!

Exactly what I meant, I didn't know how to put it but something was telling me I needed to explain it someway and popped up!

Your mother pulled it off actually just keep doing this and eventually he'll reach a point where this false mirror will begin to break and it'll reveal the real him on the inside. Trauma from abuse tends to create the idea that they feel useless, or that others deserve this as well. This is the most important part - because the trauma will be exposed and you can eventually get him to see this for himself - which is the goal for him to realize the fixation on himself - the negative fixations that are causing him to act the way he does.

It might take time, but hopefully this should help!

That bit in bold made me tear up because I've seen glimpses of the real him and he's such a lovely boy but it never shows and now you've given me something that has a lot of chance in helping to eventually bring the real him out for good and aw thanks so so much, I really appreciate it!