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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Death & The Afterlife

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  #1  
Old 11-10-2010, 07:34 AM
annonafox annonafox is offline
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Lving, But More Like Existing....

Does it get easier? People say it does. I have noticed that the pain has changed, but I am not sure if it is just buried.....if I am not healing as I should be....or if I am ok just where I am.

It's sometimes surprsing to me how raw and intense the pain can be, fresh as it was the day he died. I even think it feels more severe at times, having congealed in my heart, settling there, becoming more real.

I try to read his words, so I can find ones to post here on the forums, but when I start to read his letters, I feel...so....much....sadness........

I do worry that I am trying to deny that he is not coming back...... I have a very strong reaction to the simple, true phrase "he is dead"
It is very difficult to even type that out. I know what has happened. My mind knows it....but........

I opened up an email he had written...He wrote somewhere in a paragraph "that is why I WUV u" ............I wonder when I can read these words and not feel so much pain.....

My life continues......but I feel riddled with all kinds of secondary issues that Matt's death has brought to the surface besides the heartbreak and grief..... I often feel like I am not passing the test, not "getting" the lessons Matt wanted me to learn from this because I am so devestated, and I sometimes want to give up.....

But I thank everyone here for being so patient and understanding. I feel so needy sometimes........
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  #2  
Old 11-10-2010, 07:47 AM
Adrienne Adrienne is offline
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dear annonafox

Yes, even though it may not seem like it at the moment, it will get better with time. There is no set time limit, this varies with each person. I am thinking that perhaps one of the reasons your emotions are feeling so vulnerable at this moment in time, is that it is approaching the one year, of his passing. This will of course, bring it all back, not to say that it has gone... but you know what I mean.

I can understand your sadness in reading his emails - just now, and I didn't even know Matt, I have tears in my eyes, just reading his " that is why I WUV u" comment. My friend had sent me some songs, and it was a few years before I could listen to certain ones, I went into tears at just the thought of the songs. Now, these particular songs comfort me more than the ones I could listen to before. Time.... it just takes time.

Sometimes I think there is too much focus on " lessons to be learned " with every experience that we go thru. Sometimes I think we just need to relax and maybe not worry so much .. this coming from one, who must confess, she does worry too much about many things ! lol ! ..... I do not think Matt is putting you thru any tests, this is just my personal opinion.

here if you need me,
love & blessings,
Dream Angel xx
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♥ love always ♥

Expect Miracles !


Sometimes in the winds of change ~ we find our true direction
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  #3  
Old 11-10-2010, 08:05 AM
Ivy
Posts: n/a
 
Sometimes you have to put the human first, your pain is there and its ok to cry. Perhaps that is the gift that the letters and words of endearment left for you...that they will help you cry. Dont be afraid of it, there is no right way or wrong way, no tests or lessons that you can pass or fail. The learning is in being you and experiencing the person that you are. I dont know you personally, but your ability to talk openly and honestly shows your strength, as your heart shows a genuine love and commitment to all you were with matt, and all that you still are.

All the best xxx
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  #4  
Old 11-10-2010, 10:00 AM
ThinkingAloud
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Hey there.

In terms of feeling like you're not learning the lessons..... I would say please don't be hard on yourself. Try not to over think the lessons someone may or may not want you to learn, you need to go through your natural emotions.

There is no right or wrong way to be.

When my Mum was younger, she lost her partner. She is seeing someone now who lost his partner a few years ago. The recognition of loss is still there, but time has allowed them to live easier with their losses but never to forget those individuals who they loved.

Your strength will build in time. When you're low, you just need to reach out to people who will support you.

Maybe ask the universe and Matt for some guidance and healing.

:)
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  #5  
Old 11-10-2010, 10:10 AM
Falling Star Falling Star is offline
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We are humanly conditioned to fear death, when in fact it is an illusion. Matt lives on in spirit. Love is also an energy that cannot die, treasure it within and one day you will rejoice in the love you shared with Matt. I feel that you were true soulmates and so are entwined eternally. This lifetime is but a second of the Eternity you share. he would want you to honour your emotions and one day your tears will naturally turn to smiles as you remember the special times you shared together.
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  #6  
Old 11-10-2010, 01:45 PM
Silver Silver is offline
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Angel1

I don't think our culture has really learned the lesson of how to deal with death. I think that's part of why many don't feel they cope well when things like this happen.

When our loved ones 'go,' there is no right or wrong way to handle it, as far as the dearly departed are concerned~their business here on this plane in those bodies are over. It is we who are left behind who have to create something beautiful and meaningful out of a perceived devastation. It doesn't matter how, or why, or who was really responsible for their deaths. The focus is on us, who are left behind. Whatever personal battles were being waged together are still there. When they leave, there's another fork in the road to choose. There is nothing to do but make up our minds. With guidance from whomever / wherever we choose, we will carry on.
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  #7  
Old 11-10-2010, 02:30 PM
LightFilledHeart
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by annonafox
Does it get easier? People say it does. I have noticed that the pain has changed, but I am not sure if it is just buried.....if I am not healing as I should be....or if I am ok just where I am.

It's sometimes surprsing to me how raw and intense the pain can be, fresh as it was the day he died. I even think it feels more severe at times, having congealed in my heart, settling there, becoming more real.

I try to read his words, so I can find ones to post here on the forums, but when I start to read his letters, I feel...so....much....sadness........

I do worry that I am trying to deny that he is not coming back...... I have a very strong reaction to the simple, true phrase "he is dead"
It is very difficult to even type that out. I know what has happened. My mind knows it....but........

I opened up an email he had written...He wrote somewhere in a paragraph "that is why I WUV u" ............I wonder when I can read these words and not feel so much pain.....

My life continues......but I feel riddled with all kinds of secondary issues that Matt's death has brought to the surface besides the heartbreak and grief..... I often feel like I am not passing the test, not "getting" the lessons Matt wanted me to learn from this because I am so devestated, and I sometimes want to give up.....

But I thank everyone here for being so patient and understanding. I feel so needy sometimes........

Blessed Annonafox...

I wish to say that I fully understand the grief that overwhelms you, for I am still subject to it myself with the losses I've born. I read all the postings of other members responding to yours, and I think there is great wisdom in all they say. I would only add this... we are all individuals, with our individual soul-stamp and energy and our own lessons to learn and process. No one can say for sure what another is feeling, and the worst thing any of us can do is deny our feelings. My advice to you is the same advice I give myself, and that is simply to be where you are and at whatever stage of healing you may occupy at any given moment and not apologize for the things you are feeling nor try to push them away, but rather to simply feel and abide with them. In time the crushing load of grief does lift, but it re-visits again and again. It seems that in my personal case the intervals between such episodes grow less and less frequent, so from that aspect it does indeed become "easier", but the bottom line is none of us know what awaits beyond death's door, nor will we until we experience it. The love we hold in our hearts and nurture for loved ones who have gone before is the one sure and tangible thing we have left of them...that and our memories. I cherish those, and I pray that all that is said of the afterlife in the spiritual realms is indeed true and not a fantasy cooked up by human beings desperately afraid of the annhialation and extinguishment presented by the thought of death. I wish there were incontrovertable proof of that, so we could all relax into that knowing and awareness, but unfortunately there is not. Still, it is something to hold onto and by which to give ourselves hope that we will indeed go on after our death and will once again be reunited with loved ones gone before. Does consciousness "die"? CAN it? Or does it merely change form?? I do not know the answer to that, nor does anyone else. How I wish it were otherwise...!!!!!

Sending you love and comfort from one who has stood and does stand in your shoes...

Last edited by LightFilledHeart : 11-10-2010 at 05:25 PM.
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  #8  
Old 11-10-2010, 04:40 PM
annonafox annonafox is offline
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I read these posts now with tears streaming down my face---I embrace all of these thoughts and kind words and tender encouragements. I thank you all, and I will write again soon~~~
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  #9  
Old 11-10-2010, 05:53 PM
ces ces is offline
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I just wanted to give you a hug

cesx
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  #10  
Old 11-10-2010, 06:03 PM
Neville
Posts: n/a
 
Hello annonafox


It is well known that People left behind after the loss of a Loved One are deeply saddened sometimes angry and often emotionally devastated.
Spiritualists consider that after Death our consciousness goes to a realm of Love and Light, even Joy. This is considered to be a higher plain of existence, which makes sense as the atoms of a vapour move much more freely than those of a Solid. From this we can deduce that deceased loved ones consciousness occupy a plain of higher vibrational resonance than that of solid matter.
The bereaved, left behind loved ones occupy a plain of slower vibrational resonance, and also one of sadness and loss.
These Two plains are separated by dint of emotion and vibration. A Spiritual Medium is unencumbered by that sadness and loss, which is why they are often consulted to bring forward messages from the realm of love and light into the material world. This is achieved through the raising of the Mediums vibrations , usually through meditation. They ascend their consciousness to a point where those we have loved and lost can come to meet them , usually through a process called Mental Mediumship. This involves Images and Audibles being received by the Brain of the Medium commonly called Clairvoyance and Clair audience.

It can be concluded that Sadness is very far away from feelings of Joy and Happiness and do create then a gap between us the grieving and our loved ones who have stepped into the next part of our life. It is fair to assume that any loved one would not wish to see you unhappy.
So what can we do to save ourselves visits to mediums?
We could start by remembering the good times we had together when both of us occupied the physical plain of existence. This should produce feelings of happiness and a feeling of bond with our passed over loved one, that bond being a very real connection to that person. A bond that brings you closer to their energy in Spirit,
Taking note of Dreams is also a good idea, as Spirit very often communicates with us in our dreams.
Doing things we knew they enjoyed in life here, This could be cooking, Gardening, any hobby they had perhaps . You involving yourself in this activity will draw their energy to you as they remember the pleasure such activity it gave to them in life. A personal example of this ;
My Father in law , Loved Gardening, Whenever I visit a Garden Centre I feel his presence with me. looking to see what I am buying.Whenever I am Gardening ,once again his essence draws close by.
Meditation, Usually a few deep breaths and a closing of the eyes. Your day to day thoughts may well distract you at first, or as I did. you may develop an itch or a tickly throat to distract you. The key is to allow these things to happen and not resist them , because they become more persistent if you fight them.
This kind of Meditation does not require complete mental silence, It encourages you to form in your mind , Meeting Places in Peaceful idyllic environments ,constructed by your own imagination that facilitate someone from Spirit being able to come and meet with you.
In conclusion, If someone lives on in our hearts, they do indeed still live and we never totally lose anyone we love. as a closing point I should add that our pets can be contacted this way too.

Neville x
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