Meeting soulmate

[Danny2790]

Originally Posted by OEN34

Don't apologise for the length of your message. We're on a forum, we're here to tell people things

Plain and simple, she's playing the push/pull game, my friend. She's unsure of what she wants and she's reacting out of fear, possibly because she's afraid how strong the connection was and her feelings towards you. Perhaps she's been hurt in the past and is clutching on to that - this is quite common.

Either way, she is not emotionally intelligent and this shows in her actions, with the greatest of respect.

The trying to set you up with another girl in a club when she was with you etc - this is a perfect example of fear and the push/pull syndrome.

Leave her to it, IMO. Don't fight for someone who is emotionally unintelligent and acts this way.

Send her love and move on. She'll probably be back in touch soon enough to play the game again; offer you on a night out then go radio silent on you again.

Becomes exhausting after a few times. Nobody got time for that!

It is becoming exhausting to be honest and thanks for the reply just I believe in this girl. Yeah she has been hurt very bad in previous relationships and I think letting her go is the best option now even know it’s going to hurt like crazy .

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by Danny2790

It is becoming exhausting to be honest and thanks for the reply just I believe in this girl. Yeah she has been hurt very bad in previous relationships and I think letting her go is the best option now even know it’s going to hurt like crazy .

growth is [very] often associated with pain: growing pains.

[Sam.I.Am]

Originally Posted by Danny2790

Sorry we were together about 5 months and it was amazing I’ve never had a connection like it the chemistry was indescribable and that was like a deeper connection between us like we had met before previously. We just hit it off on every level, we continued to get closer and more serious. Then I went away too Holland to work for 5 weeks and I can’t describe the feelings I was having we spoke everyday on the phone and she came out to see me for a few days. We had a really good time together . It then snowed and she had to stay for 3 extra days and it meant her missing a few days off work, where she has just started a new role. When she got home she went back to work and she got abit off a telling off and she went cold with me all off a sudden so I phoned her and she was angry with me and that’s when she said we should cool it and do our own thing I was shocked . We spoke abit over Christmas and she wrote me an email to explain her decision just saying it’s nothibg I’ve done but timing is wrong she has too much going on and can’t have distractions. I then met her as friends middle of January and we had a really good time and she kissed me at the end of the night which confused me so I left her for a few weeks again and then she phoned me and we went out. This was a really strange night we had a good catch up she then asked me to stay at hers and I said no because didn’t think was good idea, then she tried to set me up with another girl inside this club where I said no and then after this she kissed me again and asked me to stay at hers which I said yeah but nothing is happening. Then the next day she drove me home to mine and never mentioned any of this and has gone really cold again pushing me away. Thanks for the reply and sorry for the lengthy message !

Speaking from my own personal experiences, being in a soulmate relationship challenges you on so many levels. Especially, when you've been hurt or have had traumatic relationships in the past. What I feel for my soulmate defies all logic. His persona and the way he treats me is the complete and utter opposite of how I've been treated in the past. But, at the end of the day, soulmate or not, fantasy or not, you're in a relationship with another human being. And, this human being can very easily hurt you.

For a girl whose been traumatized in the past, as much as we may want to live in the present moment, our minds are constantly going back to those old relationships. You haven't mentioned specifically what your soulmate has been through, but this relationship seems pretty out of the norm for her. After all, the love experienced in soulmate relationships are meant to be so abstract, so abnormal, and so extraordinary, that we as individuals feel empowered to change our long held beliefs and conditioning in order to purge and heal past wounds.

But, that's just it. Nobody expects to meet a guy and have all their biggest fears and previous wounds brought to the surface. I know I didn't! But, that's just how the cookie crumbles.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, starting a new job is a major shift in one's life. From what you wrote, it sounds like the spending the three extra days with you and missing work as a consequence, really shook her up. I think that was the trigger for her where a decision had to be made. You or the job, but she can't have both.

People have a major fear of getting sucked into relationships. Often moving, finding a new job, whatever shift it may be, is a way of developing oneself, and "putting things back on track" so to speak, after a traumatic relationship has taken over your life.

It takes a lot of courage to create a new life for yourself. I just began the process in December of 2016 after feeling "stuck" for 5 years following an injury. When a soulmate comes along, you can almost feel like this person is "getting in your way." It's not anything personal, but more so along the lines of being caught in fear. If you give up the plan you created for yourself, whatever it may be, and pursue this relationship and God forbid it doesn't work, well here you are, another ten steps back.

It's a real shame that fear blocks us from seeing the real beauty in a soulmate. Part of me thinks that it's a societal issue really. We are all taught to fend for ourselves, do our own healing, make the lives that we want for ourselves. Of course, autonomy is golden but there are so many things we can't see when we travel the path alone. But again, timing is everything. We can only see the beauty in front of us when we're ready to see it. And, a lot of people just aren't ready and there's nothing we can do but respect that.

To be honest with you, I'm rather confused about the situation you wrote about in January. If she took the time to write you an email explaining how she was feeling, I would have left it at that. Did you reply to that email? And, how did you respond to what she told you? I just find it odd that you guys communicated, she told you how she felt, then you guys kissed, and then now she almost wants you to be a friend with benefits?

Can't you see, that you're letting her have all the power here? You were empathetic with her when she needed her space, but the moment she calls up, you become available? Don't mean to sound harsh here, but why are you letting her run the show? Why are you at her beck and call? Did you ever set clear boundaries with her and let her know what you want?

The ball is really in your court here. Do you want to continue to develop your connection with this woman (and be prepared to wait while she gets her act together) or do you want to focus on yourself and building the life that you deserve? The choice is entirely up to you. Is a signal rush of adrenaline worth the waiting, her pushing you away, and the mind games? Again, you're the only one who can decide that.

Letting her go might be the best choice for right now. Not all soul connections are meant to be romantic ones. Maybe, she was put in your life to show you what you need to heal. Maybe to work on your self-confidence or to help you find your higher calling. Again, you'll only find the answers that you seek by doing the inner work. And, by and large, that push to do our own inner work is the true nature of these connections.

As other posters have said, if she comes back into your life, great! But, you can't put your life on hold waiting for it to happen. What's meant to be will be. Continue to your thing and maybe that will inspire her to do the same. Who knows? You can only do the best that you can do for your life. And, by the looks of it, seeing as though you're recognizing the imbalance here, you're well on your way to finding exactly what you want and need.

[OEN34]

Originally Posted by Danny2790

. Yeah she has been hurt very bad in previous relationships .

I'm psychic, aren't I?

The writing was on the wall - it was very clear to see what is happening here. It screamed previous trauma.

As much as you may be fond of her, only she can make adjustments here. Her actions aren't your doing. In an ideal world it'd be great to help her through it; coach her through it, nurture her, help her grow and learn to trust etc, but it wouldn't matter if you spent every waking hour trying to show her you're a good man - ultimately it's something she needs to work on, and it isn't a quick fix.

It also wouldn't surprise me if she's had a difficult childhood in some way or other. Usually the two go hand-in-hand, although I'm probably wrong.

But yes, let her go, unless you want to keep playing push/pull. At least you know why she's acting this way. She's petrified and is scared to death of getting too emotionally involved and you pulling the plug, so she's 'getting in there first' by running. Happens all the time.

It will only hurt letting her go if you think it will. Who knows what will happen, anyway! You might walk in a shop tomorrow and meet your soulmate...

Stay present and all will work out exactly as it's supposed to.

Best of luck!

[Danny2790]

Basically since this post I told her I wasn’t happy with how she was when we met asking me to stay over twice, trying to push me into another girl and kissing me again at the end of the night. Somehow she tried to put it back on me and said I’m the one who can’t just be friends and it was my fault at least I now know to leave her to it I genuinely love this girl and care for her so much but she needs to sort out her issues as do I

[OEN34]

Originally Posted by Danny2790

Basically since this post I told her I wasn’t happy with how she was when we met asking me to stay over twice, trying to push me into another girl and kissing me again at the end of the night. Somehow she tried to put it back on me and said I’m the one who can’t just be friends and it was my fault at least I now know to leave her to it I genuinely love this girl and care for her so much but she needs to sort out her issues as do I

Of course she'd put the blame on you - she did the same thing when she decided to stay a few extra days in Holland which caused issues at work

Blame is a wonderful tool, it really is. Blame is a way of not taking responsibility for anything.

But yes, you're doing the right thing by the sounds of it. Someone who doesn't take responsibility is a massive turn off for me - makes me run a mile - and I'm sure you're similar otherwise you wouldn't be on here

People come, people go. You have much more ahead of you

[Danny2790]

Thank you for all the replies ��

[Sam.I.Am]

Originally Posted by Danny2790

Basically since this post I told her I wasn’t happy with how she was when we met asking me to stay over twice, trying to push me into another girl and kissing me again at the end of the night. Somehow she tried to put it back on me and said I’m the one who can’t just be friends and it was my fault at least I now know to leave her to it I genuinely love this girl and care for her so much but she needs to sort out her issues as do I

To be honest, you just have to know in you're heart that you did the right thing. You told her what you didn't like, set boundaries, and asked for what you needed. What more could you ask for?

Of course she's going to try and blame you for the situation. Considering that she's been hurt in the past, I don't think she's intentionally trying to blame you. From what you described, I would guess that how she treated you that night was pretty typical behavior from her.

Given all that she's been through, I can't imagine that she's all that committal. And, she was probably looking for a guy who would acknowledge that and feed into her behavior and play hergames. As I see it, she saw that she couldn't control you and she wanted to end things because of that. It's really quite simple.

Kudos to you for making the best choice for yourself. Now, the question remains, "where do you go from here?" What areas of yourself do you need to work on and what goals do you have for your healing? What changes are you going to make to ensure that you achieve these goals?

Lastly, I wasn't going to pose this question, but I'm really curious when you say that you "love" this girl. I would never discredit the power of love, but I'm just a little confused because it seems like you guys weren't together all that long.

I raise that last point because, while you seem disconnected from this girl right now, it seems like you really want to get back together with her. That's totally fine, but we can't just love someone after he/she has worked out his/her issues. We love in spite of flaws, imperfections, insecurities and the likes. She might work out the issues regarding her past, you guys might get together, and even more issues might be brought to the surface. You just never know. And, if this is a true soulmate relationship, that would be the very nature of your relationship--love and passion, but in such a way that you continuously inspire each other to work through and resolve issues together.

Just my thoughts

[Akira]

Originally Posted by Danny2790

Basically since this post I told her I wasn’t happy with how she was when we met asking me to stay over twice, trying to push me into another girl and kissing me again at the end of the night. Somehow she tried to put it back on me and said I’m the one who can’t just be friends and it was my fault at least I now know to leave her to it I genuinely love this girl and care for her so much but she needs to sort out her issues as do I

Hi Danny
When I read this, one message came into my head and that was, what about Danny? Look after you, that is the message that I get from spirit for you. Delve into your own soul and ask it what it needs. Love is love, if it is yours it will come back eventually ~ I can vouch for that.

Therefore, in the meantime your fun thing to do is to look after you, it's to get to know you and to care about you...

Yaaaaaaaaaaay - see the joy in this, because this it is there and remember that you are perfect in all ways, it is your design, you was born that way...
Love Me & My guides

[happyhaunts03]

It doesn't really matter if she's your soulmate, twin flame, or just some run of the mill girl. Bottom line is that she needs space. So, give it to her. Respect that. Focus on yourself for a while. Accept that if she comes back, that's great, but that she might not and that you can't pine for her forever. I've learned that even the most influential souls in your life will come and go. Few are destined for marriage. So, enjoy what you had, cherish the past, and go into the future with a better understanding of how you want to love and be loved.