Why don't I believe what my tarot cards are telling me, regards to my romantic feelin

[Cloud64]

I have feelings for my long distance friend, whom I consider a best friend. We haven't met in person yet only FaceTime a few times the beginning of last year. We kept in touch often via text, also sent gifts to her by mail and sent my art I made for her that she gladly paid me the art pieces. We became close friends, included each other in our lives. We are very openly honest to each other, we speak our mind and expressed our vulnerability to each other.
She knows of my feelings for her, she doesn't feel the same yet she did say last year that we could have a potential relationship in the future. We planned to meet up in her country, to get to know each other more. But we only wanted friendship, I never expected anything from her but her friendship. I had to stay focus on my own well being cause I am not ready to commit to anyone, I knew I had to live my life here to find love within me. Let her my fantasy of a possible relationship with her go, she has her own life to discover. In secret I still held on that hope of a possible relationship in the future with her. Mainly a fantasy I kept to myself.
She gave me news few weeks ago, that she is pregnant. Unplanned, she had a one night stand with some man that she has no interest in establishing a romantic relationship. Yet she agreed to raise the child on her own. She has no desire to be committed to anyone, she has been hurt many times that she generally want to stay focus on herself and becoming a single mother. Only thing I can do was support her, but I had to set boundaries because of my feelings for her is strong and obsessive. I told her I'll message her when I am ready. She told me "Take all the time you need, I always be here for you". I know I must stay focus on myself which she encourages me to do, on the other hand.
I did a few reading about this relationship, asking the cards what this relationship is between us. I am aware of my emotional attachment to her and that I must move on with my life. But what are these cards telling me about this relationship?

First reading, I drew three cards. The Emperor (reversed), Strength and The Sun

Second reading, I only drew one card. The Ace of Pentacles

[JuleenIntuitiveUNshrink]

Hey there..so I was surprised when at the end of your post you described your feelings as "obsessive" bc that wasn't how you described them! Meaning you are judging them as being wrong bc they are so strong and intense and overpowering and we are taught that that is wrong and co-dependent to feel that way for someone if certain conditions aren't being met by the other person..but you are in some sort of unconditional love connection for sure :) So that is what the Strength card represents, you holding back the enormous strength of the feelings you have for her that feel instinctual and uncontrollable really, but you are doing your best to "tame" them again bc you feel like you are "supposed" to. Also, for me the Strength card signifies an unconditional love connection bc of the infinity symbol..not sure what deck you are using but I read from the Rider-Waite "school"..

The Emperor card is you also, which is an incredibly powerful Masculine energy card, but in reverse shows you not being/feeling within your power in this energy, again bc you are judging yourself as weak and vulnerable..when paradoxically this connection affords you an incredible amount of power within unconditional love if you allowed it. The Sun card I feel is her, innocent and vulnerable and happy, which I feel reflects how she is feeling within her pregnancy, but what's awesome is that she is able to be this way though the illumination of the Masculine energy of the Sun which is you..so she is able to feel unconditional love for herself within this less-than-ideal situation through her connection w you :)

This is a real and powerful and true unconditional love connection. I do specialize in working w these connections and you need to know that this is real and the only reason you are suffering right now is bc you are judging yourself within it and doubting. This is an UNCONDITIONAL love connection which means that the conditions do not matter..trust me..the love is real. It is happening this way at the moment to get you to believe in it and in yourself without judgement. You know how you feel and you know what you know. You KNOW. Right? It's just that our normal human rs paradigm has labels for this like "obsessive" and "co-dependent", which just make us more judgemental of ourselves and clingy and attached instead of just letting the connection be what it is so it can develop as intended.

As far as the Ace of Pentacles..this is a Divine nudge that you have everything you need in a practical sense to make this connection "work". Let go of what you think it needs or has to look like in this moment and enjoy the rare beauty of it, and it WILL grow to be something amazing!! It HAS to. The end goal IS your idea of the ultimate love, but the love is already there so there is nowhere to " get to". Just let it unfold and allow yourself to experience all the evidence that it IS always and already here :)

Hope this helps!!

[JuleenIntuitiveUNshrink]

Also we hold both Masculine and Feminine energies so gender doesn't matter :) You happen to be holding both in the cards you drew but perhaps mostly a M energy and she is perhaps mostly F..that's how I'm reading it anyway..we always identify w one more than the other or most of the time!

[Cloud64]

Thank You so much for your response! It really helps me understand my emotions I have only fallen in love once before and I was hurt by that first love whoch became difficult for me to love another do to fear of being taken advantage of. My current friend has helped through my heart break last year and I am forever grateful for her aid, it showed me that I am a better person than I thought I was. I thought my love for her is too intense that I can not take hold of, I try to stay focus on myself yet it is hard when all I want to do is love her even though we are only just friends. I took time away from her to focus on myself yet it only been 11 days since we haven't talked and I want to message her so bad cause i am curious of how she is. I fear of being in unrequited love cause I have been through that pain before. I know I must learn to love myself, how can I when all I want to do is send her my love for her. Its very complicating.

[JuleenIntuitiveUNshrink]

Also, you only think this is an "obsession" bc it doesn't conform to "normal healthy conditions" but again that is justbull in an UNCONDITIONAL love connection. It is what it is. If you drop needing any conditions to be met, the love will become what it was intended to be. You putting boundaries around it might be making it harder for you actually (bc again it's more CONDITIONS) and it's just obscuring the point which is that you actually just need to surrender to how you feel instead of fighting it. This is a challenging dance but that's what this is showing you!! These are very misunderstood connections and most ppl, even "spiritual ppl" /Psychics , and even ppl within the community of this type of connection, don't fully understand the higher aspects of it yet..these connections are no joke though!!

[Cloud64]

Btw I use Rider-Waite

[Cloud64]

I have no idea what to do, besides living my life here in my country as she is living her life in her country. I want to know how she is, text her. But I fight myself to give more space to give me time to sort out my emotions. I am a open book to her, she knows how I feel and what I go through with those feelings. She encourages me to focus on myself but i cant help to be there for her no matter what. As she is there for me. I was told by pyshics/tarot readers that she and I are twin flames. I believe it!

[JuleenIntuitiveUNshrink]

Ok well since you used the term first I will confirm that that was what I was feeling also..that she is your Twin!!! It's not a term I like to throw around bc it is SO misunderstood like I was saying before..but I'm a Twin also so I can read the energies, and I'm a therapist that specializes in these connections in my private practice. So basically like I was saying though you don't need to resist the connection..this is a Divine connection manifesting in a human connection and it doesn't abide by normal human rules..you are supposed to embrace the love, however that looks. It is very scary though, bc we have been trained that it is not safe to have feelings for someone who doesn't meet normal rs paradigmc conditions of "returning the love" , "wanting to be w us" , whatever..you have to know that the physical conditions aren't "real" in the way you're used to..you are intended to trust the love no matter what it looks like, that is a portal of sorts to allow the energy to transform the connection to what it was meant to be, and it was meant to be whatever it is that your heart desires, actually. Your Twin is the physical embodiment of an aspect of your Highest Good. She just is. We don't get shown these connections without it being the intention that they bloom into what is in our highest good. So whatever your highest desire is for this connection is what it is intended to physically manifest as! All you need do is TRUST your love and let it lead you..that's all..and it will lead you to everything you ever wanted..also other ppl, Psychics etc may likely advise you that this is co-dependent, "obsessive" etc, but this just happens to provide you w continued opportunities to trust yourself and trust the love...

It basically is a process of de-programming your brain and every cell in your body to embody a new paradigm for love and rs's for humanity. It is not a fluffy spiritual concept or an excuse to enable co-dependency (in fact these connections cannot "come into physical Union" within co-dependency and/or fear and separation beliefs!!). This stuff is real. But no one will understand, we have to learn how to connect to our intuition OURSELVES and trust it, and then we are shown confirmation in different ways and everything will fall into alignment!

It IS true that we have to pursue the rest of our "Union" though, the other pieces. Which is all the rest of whatever we feel our Highest Good in life is..it can be confusing bc often it can feel all connected to our Twin, bc it IS! But, it's important to balance out our focus to ALL the aspects. Bc that IS part of the "coming into Union" process also. So express your love for her, AND focus on your passions and whatever feels intuitively joyful and right for you. You don't need a plan. It's already all planned, you just need to let it unfold ITSELF!!! It's really exciting!!! It does not matter what the circumstances are, they are contrived to trigger the heck out of us to release all of the human fears and lack beliefs we hold. You DO NOT need to "let go" of your Twin to do any of this..you ONLY need to let go of your FEAR, which does look like an attachment to the outcome, so that's why ppl harp on the "letting go" thing, but it's misguided. I advocate for that within the community whenever I can bc there is only a portion of the Collective that "gets" that yet. But the truth is that you don't need to develop an attachment to the outcome bc the outcome is guaranteed, if you choose it. The only thing that ever blocks "Union" is fear, basically!!

[Cloud64]

I'll really like to talk to you more about this, I am actually in therapy on talkspace app. My therapist is helping me stay focus on myself, while I work through letting go of my attachment. But I am having difficulties with this choice I've made myself. I met her on a free therapy site, she was my free therapist pre-say. She helped me move on from my heartbeat of my first love, she listened, gave her advice and opinion and guidance. She supported and encouraged me through my process more than anyone ever did. She made the effort to stay in touch and included me in her life. My heart is still on visiting even though her life is heading to a Direction of becoming a mother, practically going with the flow. I feel that I need to be in her lofe through this, the fear takes over though. I fear of fully putting the effort in the friendship more than she would, I do love her it is just that fear of expressing it stops me. I want to continue our relationship that we build, even though she only want friendship. I want someone to do a reading on my relationship with her at the current moment. Curious where our friendship will lead to long term or short. I had went to Keen.com and oranum.com asking the online tarot readers about my relationship and they keep telling that she has love for me but doesn't want to commit. They also say it is someone close to me who has this connection toward me. I feel it yet fear to believe it.

[JuleenIntuitiveUNshrink]

Yes just as I said, most therapists and psychics can't read these energies and will confuse you or worse, even if they are gifted at what they do. It's bc this energy is SO new..I mean the Divine Counterpart connection has always been around but it was still "of" old separation-and-fear-based paradigms of rs's and love. When I met my Twin I had been doing clinical work for abt 20yrs and had never heard of such a thing. I wasn't into "spiritual stuff" like this at all. I SPECIALIZED in "treating" co-dependent, toxic rs's. I had actually been in one previously, immediately prior (that is usually the case right before we meet our "true Twin" , we often have a "near-Twin" experience, often more than one, but when we meet the true Twin there is no comparing!!)..but at first, I consulted w a lot of Psychics and had an online talk therapist too lol but it none it felt in alignment w what I needed/what my experience and truth was..as soon as I started trusting my own inner knowing, I was guided to someone who coached me for a long time within this connection, well we still keep in contact when needed..she's literally the best at this but she stays under the radar! But until I met her I was very frustrated bc NO ONE gets these connections unless they are one and are of the "New" energy, as I call it!! They will guide you to "let go of the attachment" , but this is like guiding Mozart to "let go" of his gift. It's just that no one has any other context for understanding this except a pathologized one. But the reason you are suffering and confused is just bc of your fear. There is no TRUE toxicity within these connections whatsoever except that which we create OURSELVES through fear basically and pathologizing what it is abt!

I'd be happy to do a Twin spread for you and see what comes up apart from the cards you drew yourself which were pretty on-point! My readings are very accurate even through messaging since I am an automatic writing channel. So give me a little bit and I can get the cards out. Do you want me to post it here or PM you? And did you say she was your therapist in some way, kind of?? Feel free to PM me anyway!!