Pahrum

[Justin Passing]

I tend to gravitate towards odd people. People often shunned or avoided by most. Pahrum was like that. He'd often spend time on the commons with his bicycle, wearing clothespins on his ears, and talking utter nonsense to whomever was passing by. I don't think Pahrum was really his name. It was just something he said a lot, so that's what people called him.

Anyway, one day I was on the commons and Pahrum was there, clearly upset, going from person to person, trying to get someone to listen to him. So I went over to see what was wrong. As soon as I connected to him his eyes lit up. I was actually there - actually listening! This rarely happened, and he was so relieved. This was an emergency! I gestured towards a bench and we sat down together.

Now I have to say, connecting to him was an extraordinary experience. Totally wild. But as he talked I started catching on. He scattered all the time, but he was making a great effort to tell me what was wrong. And it was working. He lived in a half-way house, and something happened there to a housemate which caused the police and the EMT's to show up. This freaked him out - scared him - he didn't know what he did wrong. And then his one friend, a nurse(?) who worked there, had told him to leave, so he did. But now his friend was mad at him, he had no home, and didn't know what to do.

As I listened to him I realized that this was jazz. The "scattering" were other instruments - other parts - and they were all woven together - telling his story. To talk to him I simply had to add another part. So I did. And his "jazz" opened up to let me take part in the "song".

I explained to him that he could and should go back. His home was still there, and his friend, the nurse, wasn't mad at him. He'd done nothing wrong. And as I told him this - as we "sang" it together - I could feel the relief flooding through him. Not just because he could go home, but because I was "singing" with him. That never happened for Pahrum. People rarely connected to him. He was alone but I was with him and he appreciated that. Still, he wanted to get home, so he grabbed his bike and left.

Honestly that's one of the most precious moments in my life. To be able to sync up with him like that. To "sing" with him in that crazy world of his. I don't know why that means so much to me but it does. No one should be as alone as he is.

[ameliorate]

How wonderful that you were able to get onto his wavelength and solve such a distressing problem. Wonderful! So many people are dismissive of those that don't look or act conventionally. I understand that this may be due to not being able to predict unusual behaviour i.e. that it is for protective reasons but it also tends to further alienate the person who is trying to communicate with them. I may have been cautious but would try to be open minded and not jump to dismissive conclusions.

Maybe having been a hippy, I also gravitate to alternative types - e.g. unconventional, quirky, eccentric, drop outs, free thinkers! I find it refreshing that they have retained their uniqueness and not had it dumbed down in order to conform to the status quo.

[Miss Hepburn]

What a story!Yes!!!!!

[Justin Passing]

Thanks ameliorate. I'm cautious too, but Pahrum was no danger to anyone. Gentle, open, and honest. I'm sure you'd pick up on that right away if you met him.

Re-reading my post I realized I did a very poor job describing the most interesting part - talking to Pahrum. Pahrum talks constantly, whether anyone's around or not. My post sounds like he told me what happened and then I reassured him, but that's not what happened at all. It was a very back-and-forth conversation. At first it was mostly him telling me things and me asking questions, but as I started to realize what he was doing I began to "sing" along with him.

His scattering, by which I mean somewhat random phrases and thoughts, followed a rhythm of sorts. Not a real rhythm - his rhythm. And he fit what he was trying to tell me into that constant dialog. Once I realized that I began to fit what I was saying into it as well. (I always try to adapt what I'm saying to my listener. He was just a rather extreme case.) At first it was a bit awkward, but he "opened up" the rhythm for me - made room for my part. By the end it was fairly easy for me to talk to him. He'd calmed down and I'd gotten the hang of his "jazz talking". Honestly, it was wonderful.

In some ways he's a child in an adult body, but I expect that's because he has virtually no education. How do you teach someone like that? He's actually fairly intelligent, but very ignorant/innocent. Sadly, the average dog gets more love and quality time than Pahrum. Still, he's never known anything else, and seemed reasonably content. So lonely though. So very alone.