Closed off from love

[M.Tesla]

I've been somewhat...well, extremely closed off from love since my last relationship ended almost 4 months ago. It's hard because I cant even feel a connection to friends. I'm not depressed I'm just stuck. There's someone in my life that wants to be with me in a relationship and we tried yet I told him the next day I just dont want a relationship at this point in my life. I've never really been alone in my life...so this is all new to me. Any advice?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by M.Tesla

I've been somewhat...well, extremely closed off from love since my last relationship ended almost 4 months ago. It's hard because I cant even feel a connection to friends. I'm not depressed I'm just stuck. There's someone in my life that wants to be with me in a relationship and we tried yet I told him the next day I just dont want a relationship at this point in my life. I've never really been alone in my life...so this is all new to me. Any advice?

Enjoy it and fully relish in it!

However, don't let loathing and hatred fill your heart, like what happened to me.

I am very depressed right now, because I do TRY to connect with others, but that keeps getting shoved in my face...very obviously!

Right now, I am attending a party that I wish I knew the "conditions of entry" before I came, so I could have come up with some bloody good excuse NOT to come!

Yesterday, my family was sitting out on the balcony having morning tea...laughing...having a good time and so I thought I would go out and join them to 'get involved' and try to connect/bond in some way...

As SOON as I went out and pulled up a chair, my sister-in-law goes "sorry to have to leave you all, but the washing machine has just finished its cycle and I need to go and hang out the clothes"....and she left.

With that, my mother says "yeah, I have to go too, because I need to go and have a shower.." and then she left.

Then, my brother says "Well, the lawn ain't gonna mow itself! time I got onto that"...and he left..

Leaving me sitting all alone on the balcony, smelling my armpits (which smelled great btw) and thinking about all the ways I would love to kill them.

...and then, they have the f***ing HIDE to tell me that I am being "antisocial" if I go into the next room because their music or the TV is up too loud.

I am a ball of seething hatred, so don't end up like that.

[Shinsoo]

It is not always as bad as it seems to be.

I went through a phase of dropping friends and habits, disconnecting myself--unwittingly of course. At one point, I was rather alone in the fact that no one understood me.

Then it passed, like it always does and I was back and more involved with the people remaining.

Aloneness can give you time to ponder what you want/need at this time.

[MissCreativeSpirit]

Focus in Hobbies or possibly a new career?

[M.Tesla]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Enjoy it and fully relish in it!

However, don't let loathing and hatred fill your heart, like what happened to me.

I am very depressed right now, because I do TRY to connect with others, but that keeps getting shoved in my face...very obviously!

Right now, I am attending a party that I wish I knew the "conditions of entry" before I came, so I could have come up with some bloody good excuse NOT to come!

Yesterday, my family was sitting out on the balcony having morning tea...laughing...having a good time and so I thought I would go out and join them to 'get involved' and try to connect/bond in some way...

As SOON as I went out and pulled up a chair, my sister-in-law goes "sorry to have to leave you all, but the washing machine has just finished its cycle and I need to go and hang out the clothes"....and she left.

With that, my mother says "yeah, I have to go too, because I need to go and have a shower.." and then she left.

Then, my brother says "Well, the lawn ain't gonna mow itself! time I got onto that"...and he left..

Leaving me sitting all alone on the balcony, smelling my armpits (which smelled great btw) and thinking about all the ways I would love to kill them.

...and then, they have the f***ing HIDE to tell me that I am being "antisocial" if I go into the next room because their music or the TV is up too loud.

I am a ball of seething hatred, so don't end up like that.

Oh I'm not hateful. Thanks for sharing. But why were you smelling your armpits? Haha

[M.Tesla]

Originally Posted by Trinitydown

It is not always as bad as it seems to be.

I went through a phase of dropping friends and habits, disconnecting myself--unwittingly of course. At one point, I was rather alone in the fact that no one understood me.

Then it passed, like it always does and I was back and more involved with the people remaining.

Aloneness can give you time to ponder what you want/need at this time.

Thank you I am starting to enjoy it now.

[A human Being]

I wonder if you might also be closed off from some grief that relates to the relationship that ended four months back? I think that's quite common, people get hurt in a relationship and then they instinctively shut down in order to prevent themselves from being hurt again, but it's a double-edged sword because you can end up just feeling numb and disconnected.

Could be that I'm wrong, of course, but maybe it's something worth considering - I hope you start to feel a little better soon, anyway, I know these sorts of experiences can be rough

[MissCreativeSpirit]

I was pretty closed off f I'm my for years after my divorce too.

[OEN34]

There's also a chance some of this pain isn't directly linked to the relationship too. It likely stems from many years ago - this is very common, but we associate hurt and pain to what has currently happened, and not what has happened in the past.

Humans also feel pain with ending. The mind doesn't like finalization and ending. It promotes a fear response, which ultimately can come out as sadness and despair.

Be kind to yourself and listen to your body as it will tell you when you're ready to date again, not your mind :)