Spiritual Forums

Home


Donate!


Articles


CHAT!


Shop


 
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.

We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.

Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > General Beliefs

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-12-2018, 01:35 AM
M.Tesla M.Tesla is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 336
  M.Tesla's Avatar
Finding yourself when you have an identity disorder

I'm having a hard time with this so I'm looking for some helpful replies that may help me condense into one person.

So this is what's going on. Lately I've been all over the place trying to create myself out of emptiness. .I feel so hollow inside and it's not painful but it's just very empty. I dont know anymore how to feel my emotions. I used to..this summer wyd horrible and I think since the horrible events have ended I've dissociated so much that I can't bring myself back into my body. It is stressful because I'm constantly hollow. I lost someone I loved in September and that was the beginning of this. Life is much bigger than me I see that now. I have no control over this situation so all I can do is float around and surrender and let everything go while I stumble into the unknown.

I hope I can return back to myself some day. I'm wondering too is it unhealthy to dissociate for long periods? I know this is a spiritual forum and this is a mental health topic but I figured general beliefs could fit this topic in. I hope it's not in the wrong place. I just want to be myself again but it feels like shes gone now.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-12-2018, 02:59 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is online now
Master
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 8,724
  Shivani Devi's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by M.Tesla
I'm having a hard time with this so I'm looking for some helpful replies that may help me condense into one person.

So this is what's going on. Lately I've been all over the place trying to create myself out of emptiness. .I feel so hollow inside and it's not painful but it's just very empty. I dont know anymore how to feel my emotions. I used to..this summer wyd horrible and I think since the horrible events have ended I've dissociated so much that I can't bring myself back into my body. It is stressful because I'm constantly hollow. I lost someone I loved in September and that was the beginning of this. Life is much bigger than me I see that now. I have no control over this situation so all I can do is float around and surrender and let everything go while I stumble into the unknown.

I hope I can return back to myself some day. I'm wondering too is it unhealthy to dissociate for long periods? I know this is a spiritual forum and this is a mental health topic but I figured general beliefs could fit this topic in. I hope it's not in the wrong place. I just want to be myself again but it feels like shes gone now.
I am very sorry to hear that, but rest assured, you are not alone.

This has been my issue as well, basically ever since childhood. Even though I have limited interaction with others and feign an identity just so that I can associate, when I introspect and search for a sense of who I am, nothing is there. It isn't troubling or worrying, but there is just nothing...and the loss of motivation and purpose which accompanies it.

I thought I would become totally desensitised to my complete dissociation over time, but the hollowness deprives me of all emotions and I am pretty much ambivalent towards everything...no pleasure, no pain and it seems like the only emotion I CAN feel, is frustration.

I have been trying to get over this for YEARS now, and I have watched many, many YouTube videos on "emotional flatlining", on "Anhedonia", on "depersonalisation" you name it, I have seen it! but nothing helps.

I even try to "create happiness" by doing things that I once enjoyed as a child, before I lost who I am, but I realise that I can't force my way out of it by tricking my mind, because my mind sees right through every feeble effort I make with " I see what you are trying to do there", so I realised that whatever happens to elicit an emotional response has to be spontaneous.

I have even given up my spiritual practices because it just seemed like I was just doing it all by rote and only going through the motions...and even though I know I love God, I can't even feel that anymore, but I know it's still there, deep down inside there somewhere.... somewhere.

It is like all of my chakras are closed off, slammed shut and locked and trying to open them again, is like trying to force the petals of a flower to open.

So, I just let go and go with the flow as well, but all I can see is life passing me by without my direct involvement in it whatsoever.

So, I am subscribing to this thread to see if there is any helpful advice out there which may be able to assist both of us.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-12-2018, 03:37 AM
M.Tesla M.Tesla is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 336
  M.Tesla's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
I am very sorry to hear that, but rest assured, you are not alone.

This has been my issue as well, basically ever since childhood. Even though I have limited interaction with others and feign an identity just so that I can associate, when I introspect and search for a sense of who I am, nothing is there. It isn't troubling or worrying, but there is just nothing...and the loss of motivation and purpose which accompanies it.

I thought I would become totally desensitised to my complete dissociation over time, but the hollowness deprives me of all emotions and I am pretty much ambivalent towards everything...no pleasure, no pain and it seems like the only emotion I CAN feel, is frustration.

I have been trying to get over this for YEARS now, and I have watched many, many YouTube videos on "emotional flatlining", on "Anhedonia", on "depersonalisation" you name it, I have seen it! but nothing helps.

I even try to "create happiness" by doing things that I once enjoyed as a child, before I lost who I am, but I realise that I can't force my way out of it by tricking my mind, because my mind sees right through every feeble effort I make with " I see what you are trying to do there", so I realised that whatever happens to elicit an emotional response has to be spontaneous.

I have even given up my spiritual practices because it just seemed like I was just doing it all by rote and only going through the motions...and even though I know I love God, I can't even feel that anymore, but I know it's still there, deep down inside there somewhere.... somewhere.

It is like all of my chakras are closed off, slammed shut and locked and trying to open them again, is like trying to force the petals of a flower to open.

So, I just let go and go with the flow as well, but all I can see is life passing me by without my direct involvement in it whatsoever.

So, I am subscribing to this thread to see if there is any helpful advice out there which may be able to assist both of us.
It comes and goes for me... I often switch between openness to nothingness and emptiness and that's where the frustration comes in because its restricting and I just wanna be a dam butterfly.

My friend shared with me a technique he didnt say what it does but I tried it and my chakras opened up all the way up to the heart chakra and got stuck opening up to the throat...it was amazing though. you should try it. Lay on your back close eyes and imagine a ball of energy and send it up and down your body rapidly. Its hard at first but it's a strong energy technique...

About giving up on spiritual practices I think that's part of being spiritual in firstplace. I've done it too and come back with deeper understanding and guidance. For me it's about fighting my demons and thankfully I have a great soul family that help along the way cause I can't do it all alone.

Sometimes you gotta give up all you know and it comes back different in a better way. <3
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-12-2018, 07:31 PM
Little Creek77 Little Creek77 is offline
Knower
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 154
  Little Creek77's Avatar
When I read your post I first thought of how my father felt after losing is wife, then bang! you had the same feelings. You are experiencing greif still. and now it is time to find yourself and know who you are.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-01-2019, 01:48 AM
Sojourner2013 Sojourner2013 is offline
Guide
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 716
  Sojourner2013's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by M.Tesla
I'm having a hard time with this so I'm looking for some helpful replies that may help me condense into one person.

So this is what's going on. Lately I've been all over the place trying to create myself out of emptiness. .I feel so hollow inside and it's not painful but it's just very empty. I dont know anymore how to feel my emotions. I used to..this summer wyd horrible and I think since the horrible events have ended I've dissociated so much that I can't bring myself back into my body. It is stressful because I'm constantly hollow. I lost someone I loved in September and that was the beginning of this. Life is much bigger than me I see that now. I have no control over this situation so all I can do is float around and surrender and let everything go while I stumble into the unknown.

I hope I can return back to myself some day. I'm wondering too is it unhealthy to dissociate for long periods? I know this is a spiritual forum and this is a mental health topic but I figured general beliefs could fit this topic in. I hope it's not in the wrong place. I just want to be myself again but it feels like shes gone now.

Hi MTesla,
Do you mean DID when you say identity disorder? If so, my suggestion would be to find a professional that specializes in developing the core personality.

However, I asked Spirit while reading your post what would be your best approach to the situation you are in and I heard “Soul retrieval”. If you are unfamiliar with this spiritual technique, I encourage you to research it thoroughly and then look for a reputable practitioner. Best wishes!
__________________
Speak a word for thy ideal. Not as to force an issue but ever constructive. --Edgar Cayce
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-01-2019, 03:33 AM
mihael_11 mihael_11 is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 417
 
What do you see, when you look yourself deeply in the mirror, or even meditate on it? Does somebody else shows up?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-01-2019, 09:22 PM
Sapphirez Sapphirez is online now
Master
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Us
Posts: 1,412
  Sapphirez's Avatar
Art


(there are many things you could do, but I feel that is one thing that you should explore, and I wanted to just post that single word but the forum will not let me make such a short post lol so here is extraneous explanation in parenthesis try to experiment expressing yourself through at least a couple artistic projects, such as painting on canvas or a wooden box or little birdhouse which can be gotten at a craft store, or even try your hand at making a birdhouse or something else involving woodworking if you're so inspired, make a card or jewelry for a loved one in your life, sorry I'm not sure what crafts and artistic endeavors you might be into, though perhaps you already do some.. but life is about both creating and discovering yourself, and art is one of the best ways to do that. also writing and music are forms of art)

Another suggestion is to go spend some extra time in nature.. you will find more of yourself there too. hey you could collect things that are available outside and make art with them too
__________________
peachy
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-01-2019, 10:35 PM
M.Tesla M.Tesla is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 336
  M.Tesla's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by mihael_11
What do you see, when you look yourself deeply in the mirror, or even meditate on it? Does somebody else shows up?
Not anymore. This happened to me once a long time ago. I looked in the mirror and surely but slowly my eyes became darker, in their energy. I thought it could've been spirit possession. I dont have multiple personalities. I have what's known as BPD and in therapy for it of my own will, which I'm glad it's starting to help.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-01-2019, 10:37 PM
M.Tesla M.Tesla is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 336
  M.Tesla's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sapphirez
Art


(there are many things you could do, but I feel that is one thing that you should explore, and I wanted to just post that single word but the forum will not let me make such a short post lol so here is extraneous explanation in parenthesis try to experiment expressing yourself through at least a couple artistic projects, such as painting on canvas or a wooden box or little birdhouse which can be gotten at a craft store, or even try your hand at making a birdhouse or something else involving woodworking if you're so inspired, make a card or jewelry for a loved one in your life, sorry I'm not sure what crafts and artistic endeavors you might be into, though perhaps you already do some.. but life is about both creating and discovering yourself, and art is one of the best ways to do that. also writing and music are forms of art)

Another suggestion is to go spend some extra time in nature.. you will find more of yourself there too. hey you could collect things that are available outside and make art with them too
Thank you sapphirez :) I love doing art and I haven't in a while. Thank you for the ideas.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:09 PM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums